DMB

(the actual poster that hung in my apartment for years)

My friend Kate called me last night overly excited. "THE DAVE MATTHEW'S BAND IS GOING TO BE HERE AND I WILL TOTALLY BABYSIT IF YOU AND HF WANT TO GO!" Me, not particularly excited, "Oh, really? That's cool. HF would probably really like that."

You see, HF is one of those Dave Matthews Band fans. Yes, one of those people. I admit I used to be one of those people as well. In the 90s as a teenager. I think I was 14 when I first fell in love. I went to many of his concerts and even while I was at my first year of college, left classes to do a road trip to a concert with some other DMB fans I had connected with there. I would watch any time he was on tv and I remember rolling my eyes at my parents because they just didn't get it why he was so special. I remember being offended when my dad said he was a "sweaty balding dude wearing pajamas". Whatever dad. He just didn't get it.

When I was 15, I went to see him in Los Angeles. I went with a friend, Genevieve. I was totally convinced that he was pointing at me or looking at me or singing to me whenever he looked up at our balcony section. I was freaking out about it actually, practically hyperventilating that I was in love with him, and him with me. I confessed to my friend Gen that I wanted to be one of those people that follows him from city to city attending his concerts. She said, "like a groupie?" and I was like, "YEAH!" and then she asked me if I knew what a groupie was. Of course I didn't. She then told me that a groupie was essentially someone that sleeps with members of the band. I said, "Oh! But Dave wouldn't do that!"

In college, I purchased a gigantic poster of Dave that was halfway to the floor from the ceiling and hung it proudly in my apartment. (A roommate took a picture of me kissing poster Dave-lipstick and all) I was sure that my roommates would agree that he was the hottest and most talented thing and for sure appreciate my taste in apartment decor. When I met HF when I was 17, he played my favorite DMB song on his guitar. Little did we know that the other was like the biggest DMB fan EVER. That little confession I'm sure sealed the deal for HF. The conversation probably went something like, "Really?! Me too!!!" with eyelashes fluttering, and hearts palpitating.

One of the last times I went to see him was during my freshmen year of college. I ditched classes and drove with 2 like-minded buddies to see him. We got there early. We had really good seats and we were watching the roadies set up the stage, when out of no where, Dave himself walks out to have a look about or something. This was my chance, my opportunity to profess my love to Dave and then he would single me out, take me backstage and tell me that he's been waiting all this time for me. . . and I froze. So my friend Ryan yells, "DAVE!!!!" Of course, he looks over and waves. This had the same paralyzing effect on Ryan as well. So he stammered for a while before asking, "So, you gettin' ready for the show?" DM gave us the thumbs up sign and I glared at Ryan and said, "You blew it! That was probably the most retarded thing you could've said to him. Of course he's getting ready for the show. What else?" Ryan just sort of shrugged, embarrassed. Just then some girls spotted him and started screaming and running towards Dave. He started walking backwards back through the doors he had come through and he tripped and fell over a cooler. These girls were carrying posters, flowers, teddy bears, and gift bags. When I saw them I realized I was one step away from looking like that or acting like that and I realized that it was completely silly.

There wasn't really a specific turning point that made me fall away from Dave. Maybe it was growing up a bit or getting married, or having kids, but I would find myself turning the station halfway through one of his songs, or feeling annoyed when it was the only CD playing nonstop in our stereo. I think I either preferred quiet, or my taste in music was evolving a bit. I'm not sure, but I no longer love the Dave Matthews Band. When I confessed this to HF, he said, "I know. I could tell. And it's really, really sad." HF owns everything ever done by the DMB. He has all the early recordings from shows they did in bars before they got famous and everything they've ever released. A lot of this is on cassette tapes. Can I just mention here that we have a giant trunk full of cassette tapes that HF is unwilling to let go of? They sit there untouched, but still wanted. Each recording of the same songs is special and unique to HF and increasingly obnoxious to me. "They're all the same songs!!" I proclaim. "NO they're not! But you would know that if you hadn't left the faith. This one's from the Flood Zone in Richmond, and this live recording of the same song is from back when Pete was the official keyboardist before he left." I still have songs that I enjoy hearing, that bring a smile to my face, or make me sing along, but it's so over. I'm so sorry HF.

Now the DMB fans are aging. They still wear their concert t-shirts, and they love other bands such as Phish and the Grateful Dead. I used to think it was so hot to see HF in his faded concert t-shirts and birkenstock sandals. And I confess, if he did put on one of his old Phish t-shirts and the sandals again, it would probably bring a smile to my face. But I sent those items to the Goodwill long ago. Something that is unforgivable and I am actually trying to replace. Anyone have a faded purple Phish concert t-shirt from 1995 at the Hampton Colloseum?

Guest Post by HF: A Rookie Review

Early into the academy, one of our instructors recommended Lt. Col. Dave Grossman's books, On Killing and On Combat. Being eager to please and impress, I went to my local library looking for both. I was surprised to find that neither book was available at any of my area libraries, including the local university libraries. So I went onto Amazon.com and ordered On Combat. I read the book whenever I could during the academy, treating its subject matter like scriptural cannon for police work. When the scenario and combat shooting portion of our academy rolled around I quickly realized the immediate value of reading Lt. Col. Grossman's work.

As a new officer this book has helped me immensely in understanding the psychological and physiological effects of the things I encounter as a police officer. During the academy I quickly recognized many of the things we were taught seemed to come straight from On Combat. Now out on the street, I'm seeing it even more.

On Combat is an easy to understand, no nonesense, treatment of "The Psychology and Physiology of Deadly Conflict in War and in Peace (From the cover, On Combat)."

One of the recurring themes in Lt. Col. Grossman's book is the growing similarity between our military and police forces. He makes the case that our troops overseas are finding themselves performing police like duties, keeping the peace and fighting insurgents, while our nation's police officers are facing growing violence and crime similar in nature to what our soldiers overseas are dealing with. Lt. Col. Grossman uses his personal experience along with the experiences of other veteran police officers and soldiers to illustrate this point as well as teach modern warriors how to effectively deal with modern combat. Learning Grossman's combat breathing technique alone is worth the price of the book.

Grossman illustrates in detail what may happen to you physically and psychologically when you kill someone. He discusses how to manage your body's physical reactions to stress in life threatening situations. Utilizing accounts from veteran officers and soldiers who have been through the fire, Lt. Col. Grossman teaches us how to survive and even thrive in a deadly conflict. Additionally, Grossman teaches us about the effect of media violence on society and our children, why we need valiant warriors even more today, and how we as modern paladins can faithfully stay true to the oaths we have taken to protect and serve.

As a new officer this book continues to prove valuable in new ways every day. I'm glad I've read it and I continue to go back for review. I highly recommend this book, not only to police officers and anyone in harm's way, but also to their equally brave spouses who support us so much.

Look what I found in the closet

No. The Gateway 2000 isn't a movie. It's not one of those kitchen devices as seen on tv. It's a laptop from circa 1995 or 1996. Remember those computers that came in those cow print boxes? Well I got to take this baby to college with me in 1997. What kid, especially a freshman, had a laptop? Not many. But I did. And I felt pretty cool. I would lug this thing up to campus and plug it in. It only lasted a few minutes it seems when it wasn't plugged in. It even came with an ethernet card/cable. Hilarious. During my first semester, only MS Words was working, and after using it for a semester to write papers, it ended up on my closet shelf.

Many years had passed, and for computers, that means this thing became ancient. HF and I were recently married and were discussing purchasing a computer. Then I had a "brilliant" idea. "Why don't we update my old laptop and use that?!" YEAH! So we take it into the computer place on campus, and when I pulled the laptop out of its case that said, "Gateway 2000" on it, the nerd herd guy's eyes grew wide and he began laughing. He called his nerd herd buddies out from the back so they could all get a good laugh. I said, "So there's nothing you can do with this." They all laughed even harder and said, "That thing belongs in a museum". So we left, humiliated, and took it to another place. This time when the employee's eyes grew wide, he was in awe. He respected and loved this computer. He said reverently, "I haven't seen one of these in. . . years!" Then he called his co-worker buddies over and they all oohed and ahhed over it, saying things like, "This is amazing!" or "This should be in a museum" but with much more respect than the last guy. So we learned again that there was nothing to be done with this machine.

So it is now Daisy's play laptop. At first, she was like, "Are you kidding me? Why won't it turn on? What does it do?" But now she likes it. It's pretty heavy, so she can't carry it around with ease, but it is now a fun make-believe toy. I thought it was interesting that at first she thought it was lame. When I was her age, this would've been the coolest toy ever even though it didn't turn on. Kids these days expect their own major laptop that they can surf the web or whatever? I don't think so. Not for a five, well now six year old. Seriously. What is with the kids these days?

hooray for police wives

Have you seen the list of polive wives, girlfriends, and mothers I have over there on the right? And those are just the ones that have blogs. That doesn't include the ones that are milling around on forums and that are following without blogs or have private blogs. I'm just impressed with the growing numbers.

A few months ago, at the height of isolation with a husband in the academy and working, a newborn, and not knowing a soul in law enforcement, I did a google search for police wives. I tried variations like, Police blogs, police wife blogs, etc. The search essentially turned up nothing except some forums which are great, but I wanted blogs. The very first one I found was Married to the Law (hi cops wife!). And it was exactly what I needed and was looking for. I reached out in desperation and total cluelessness, and found a "kindred spirit" so to speak and then through the weeks and now months, I have connected with so many other police wives. It truly is amazing, helpful, and fun. I know that I can say anything, ask anything, and I will be answered, understood, and comforted.

It's also helped me have a way of connecting with HF. I know it helps him that I am fully embracing this lifestyle and looking for my own little niche within the community. I am happy, even excited. I may not understand everything he tells me right now, but I know that through reading other wife blogs, and especially the cop blogs, I will learn more, understand more, and just know that there is a world full of "others" which is essentially what I was looking for.

So I just want to give a special shout out to all the wives, girlfriends, fiances, and mommies. So glad to have found you all. I add them when I find them. I think there's more than 30 now!

And don't even get me started on my favorite cop/dispatch/medic blogs. That's a post for another time.

What are your favorite police-related blogs to read? Any recommendations?

finds

I am finding myself semi-obsessed with all things police now. Please tell me this is normal. It's not easy finding police things though. For example, when I go shopping for the kids, I am always on the lookout for t-shirts or pajamas that have police cars or something, but that's next to impossible. But not if you want firetrucks. There's an abundance of children's items (toys, clothes, hats, etc.) that have firetrucks {insert snide remark from Happy Medic}. Oh, and please shoot me if I start wearing things like police beacon earrings that light up or make a siren noise.

Found: 2 shirts at Old Navy

I got the blue one for my 2 boys, and the deputy one for my brother that's a deputy in CA. He's going to have his first child in September. I thought that the baby probably needed this shirt. Even though it's going to be a girl and this is technically for boys.

Found: fingerprints on jewelry

I found these on Tulaloo. She did a post about the etsy shop, Ali Bali, that makes these little beauties.

Found: Police scrapbook album

I thought this would be a nice book for HF to keep certificates, photos, and other things pertaining to his job. I found this one on Amazon, but I think it can be found in most stores that sell scrapbooks.

what I found in the dryer part III

Various handcuff keys. Who knew they came in all different shapes, sizes, and colors? Oh, and a shell casing from rifle training. I think that one just landed in his clothes, I'm guessing he didn't pocket it on purpose.

Previously found in the dryer:
Part I
Part II

pulled over

This was taken from HF's blackberry from inside the police car. He said they were just stopped there in the middle of the road. When he approached, he said that there was a bunch of guys with their heads sticking out of the top. He said, "who's the driver?" When the driver was singled out, he said, "Alright. I'm going to need to see your license, registration, and proof of insurance." Then they all laughed. He wasn't really pulling them over for a violoation, just seeing how he could help get them on their way as they were stuck.

NOT recommended reading

image taken from sweetjuniper.com

Sweet Juniper! did a post not long ago featuring a book called Amy's Doll. They included a link to the post I did about the book The Lonely Doll. Come to find out, they have quite a collection of books they've labeled, Terrifying Nixon-era Children's Books. They posted one that caught my attention in particular, being police related and all, entitled What it's Like to Be a Policeman. Some of the captions, as he mentions, are made up, but it is funny nonetheless.

Sweet Juniper! is a very fun and interesting blog to read. Most of the posts are written by Jim, a stay at home dad of 2 young children. He chronicles their adventures and finds in Detroit, Michigan. His is recommended reading.

first impressions

Are first impressions everything?

While I usually try to look my best, I admit that when people see me, I more than likely am sporting the busy mom look. Pony tail, minimal makeup (if any at all), t-shirts, flip flops, etc. I met HF's FTO today. I packed a picnic dinner and took the kids to a park that has a duck pond. I called HF to tell him where we were. A few minutes later, he rolled up with his FTO (Luke shouted, "Daddy's home!" when he saw HF). As they were approaching, my smile momentarily faded as I thought, "Crap! What do I look like right now?!" I quickly did a mental checklist. Makeup? Check. Cute outfit? Check. Shaved legs since I'm wearing a short skirt? Check- thank goodness. I didn't want to have the tired and no-time-for-a-shower-mom look when first meeting his FTO.

This probably wouldn't be such an issue to me right now if it weren't for two things:

1. I am a tired mom that usually doesn't have time to take a shower and usually my t-shirts are adorned with applesauce and squash by the middle of the day!
2. HF is in the middle of FTO and I know it's important to him right now thateverything be perfect with his appearance and performance. I mean, the guy gets his hair cut every Tuesday at an old school barbershop for crying out loud.

And, of course, what's important to HF is important to me as well. I desire to help him succeed, but I've felt pretty helpless as far as what I can do for him other than make him food, do his laundry, and give him back and neck massages when he gets home at night. So I'm always trying to think of ways I can help him while he's in FTO. Other than holding down the fort, the least I could do is ensure that I, along with the children, don't look like hobos, right? While I know he's proud of me no matter what I'm wearing or looking like, if he's presenting a next to perfect package to the department, I feel like I should be too. If I showed up looking like a bag lady, would it have an affect on his overall impression? I tend to think so.

When he's done with FTO, hopefully I can go back to my usual sweats, greasy hair, and other nasty habits.

Just kidding.

Kind of.

Sometimes I have the overwhelming urge to embarrass him by wearing something like this when we go out, but I think I'll save that for the privacy of our own home. I do think this shirt is funny though.Do you think it matters what the officer's family looks like during and/or after FTO?

women of caliber

A few weeks ago, Blue Sheepdog did a post entitled, Teaching Citizens Real Self-Defense. I was curious about the women of caliber website after reading his post so I decided to check it out.

LOVED IT.

Their philosophy on women carrying weapons is exciting. After looking around their site, I have a new found desire to, not only carry a gun when I choose to do so, but also learn how to effectively wield it in a combat situation. Guns don't have to be scary, they don't have to be just for the men in our lives, they can be just as effective in our hands if we have have the right training. I'm just speaking as a rookie police wife without any training whatsoever, excluding my redneck shotgun experiences growing up. This is a great website with a lot of resources and valuable information.

I'm curious to know what the female officers think of all this. How do you think the civilian self defense courses measure up when compared to what you know as an officer? Are self defense classes worth my time? Do you think the best self defense for a woman is a gun? I just don't want to end up in a class like this one:

from the CJ files

Now that CJ is gone, the stories are trickling in from other sources such as FTOs, instructors, and other cadets. So occasionally, I might have a juicy tidbit for you all from the CJ files. Here's the first one.

At the academy, one of the instructors was demonstrating an arrest control technique. CJ volunteered to have the technique done to her in front of the class. He was demonstrating a cross- face hair pull takedown. After he executed the maneuver, she got up and slapped him. Everyone in the class held their breath as they all thought the instructor was going to kill her. The instructor said, "Okay. Everybody gets one. That's yours."

things that have made me laugh today

Awkward Family Photos. Thank you, Slam Dunks. I looked at this for probably a good hour last night.

Earlier tonight:
Me: (trying to open a bottle with a butter knife because I couldn't find the bottle opener)
HF: Here, would you like to use this bottle opener?
Me: I've done it this way before.
HF: I know, and you have the scars to prove it.
Me: (stops what I'm doing and hands him my drink)

Daisy: Mommy, why do some people still have their Christmas decorations up on their house?
Me: (I look over and see a run down house that has every Christmas decoration known to man up) Uh, I don't know Daisy, maybe because it was so much work to get them up, it's just easier to leave them up for next Christmas?
Daisy: I know, maybe it's because they love Jesus just a little bit more than their neighbors!
Me: You know, you might be right!

I got a text from one of my brothers that said: "i have been banned from the downtown taco bell in downtown (city where he lives). there you go." The story is that he was in the drive thru and when he placed his order, the girl said she couldn't hear him. After repeating his order a few times and her not understanding him a few times, he leaned his head out and asked for his cheesy bean and rice burrito a little louder. She said, "You don't have to be so rude." Now, this particular brother of mine is very nice and soft spoken. He never yells or loses his temper, and is never rude to people. So he says back to her , "I'll just go somewhere else. Thank you." So he's waiting in the drive thru for the car in front of him to leave so he can just drive off, and the manager comes out and he says, "You are never allowed back here again! I heard the way you spoke to my employee, and you are banned from this restaurant. Don't come back." My brother was surprised and confused and said, "I'm sorry, I don't understand. I told her I would go somewhere else and not to worry about taking my order." The manager said, "I heard what you said. You said, "F*** you! I had headphones on too." My brother has probably never said the F word in his life, but the guy wouldn't listen to him. He tried calling the store later and the guy hung up on him. I told him he should call corporate now. He said he could understand the guy's reaction if that's what he thought he said, but he didn't do it. I told him that's what you get for going to Taco Bell.

HF's Latest Obsession

Motorcycles. These are his favorites. He threw the last one in there, the ninja, to make me mad. I don't like bullet bikes at all. I'm more of a cruiser gal myself.

Kawasaki Vulcan 1500

Star 1100 Silverado

Star 1100 ClassicAnd this one I won't even bother naming. Let's just call it ugly and dumb. Sorry if any of you are offended by this.

HF has been invited to join a motorcycle gang, I mean group. It's not the Blue Knights, or the Iron Pigs (which is an awesome name by the way), but a currently unnamed club at his department. These guys have been riding together for years and are trying to make it more official. They have yet to come up with a name, but HF is currently being recruited. Problem is, he doesn't have a bike.

Background: HF is the oldest child in his family. His mother decided when he was born, that they would raise him to be the sweetest, most sensitive, non-bullying, gentlest boy ever known to mankind. While that truly is his nature, he desired like many boys to play contact sports, ride motorcycles, and do other death defying feats like jumping off of roofs, skydiving, and other macho things. He was coddled and protected by his mother from anything that could cause serious bodily injury. He did swimming, tennis, and karate. Karate was as dangerous as it got. His parents specifically forbade him to ride motorcycles. He wasn't allowed to sit on one, touch one, ride behind someone, nothing! He told himself that when he was a grownup he would ride a motorcycle.

Well that day has come. He is now a grownup. It seriously just dawned on us that we are indeed grownups. So now the search is on for the perfect bike. Harley's are out of the question right now, but he has it narrowed down. HF is signing up to take a motorcycle safety foundation training course and is currently studying his little motorcycle license manual. I'm excited because I grew up riding on motorcycles and look forward to riding with him. And seeing him in this: (found at leatherup.com)this:and this: I was just kidding about the chaps. Well, sort of. Any recommendations for a first bike? Are the ones he's looking at too much bike? Any suggestions for a motorcycle gang name? I want them to name themselves the Swine Flu.

she crazy

To everyone's relief, Calamity Jane got the axe on Monday. Unsurprisingly, it was a series of troubling events that have led up to this. I've mentioned before that she had trouble taking instruction in the academy. I think the chief in his attempt to hire more women, was hoping that her issues would get straightened out during FTO, but just like in the academy, she argued with her FTOs and exhibited other odd behaviors. For example, she said that once she was done with FTO she was going to be a detective.

There are funny things that happened, like her use of the radio. Once, she identified herself as a 10--(the code for a Driver's license here). My favorite CJ story, and the most recent, which I'm guessing led to her demise, would be the response to a rowdy and raucous college party. CJ and her FTO roll up, and being the pretty girl that she is, caught the attention of quite a few guys, even though she was wearing the party pooper police uniform. She loved the attention. Guys were pointing out that she was a how hot she was. Then some of them had the bright idea of asking her to dance with them. They probably thought it would be funny to get their groove on with a hottie in uniform. So get this. CJ says, "Oookay. Fine. I'll dance with you. I just have ONE rule. You can't touch my gun. You can touch me, but you can't touch my gun." She then danced with these guys until her FTO put an end to it. I'm guessing she looked more like the entertainment than the authority. This, my friends, is the straw that broke the camel's back. I know, crazy!

Of course, everything the lieutenant told her when firing her is being spread from officer to officer and I am drinking it up, just like a gossipy old lady obsessed with the tabloids. Honestly, when I met CJ, I quite liked her and wished the best for her. Then I felt bad that I had a blog full of CJ stories. But this job was NOT a good match for her. And finally, to everyone's relief, she agreed, and is now moving on to the next chapter of her life. She had everyone on edge. I'm surprised she lasted this long. She did some crazy stuff. Poor, poor Calamity Jane.

Unfortunately, this did nothing for the common stereotypes of women in the police force. However, they did hire another woman that HF attended the academy with and she is awesome. Meant to be an officer just like HF. Her husband is a Marine that was just deployed. And they're newlyweds. It was nice they gave her 2-3 weeks off to spend with him before he had to go.

police videos in the news and one that's not

I saw these funny police-related videos in the news this morning.

Cops and Doughnuts

Sea Lion Pirates Police Boat

And now if you'll excuse me, I need to go practice my anti-wrinkle face exercises. You will not be disappointed in this video. Trust me.



And like Greer said, "No double chins for us!"

looking for that special "something"?

Chanel's Miami Vice Heels

Be prepared to spend over $2,000 for these kicks. Yes, that's Madonna.

so what do you think? Love 'em? Hate 'em? I just think they are funny.

a petition

I recently read on Police Wives Inc. that following the shooting of a Nashville officer, the local news broadcast a segment demonstrating how to defeat police body armor. This segment quickly devolved into an instructional video on how to murder police officers. While this may be public information via a google search, many believe that broadcasting this information on the evening news is in very poor taste. I agree.

Compounding the frustration is the response given by the news station to the sickened and outraged law enforcement community. Police Wives Inc., have set up a petition entitled, "Stop demonstrating how to kill cops!" They want at least 2,500 signatures. The last time I checked there was only 156.

If you agree with Police Wives Inc., read their petition and sign it. I did. There are varying degrees of privacy when signing the petition. You can remain anonymous if you'd like.

nicknames

What is with police/military/any organization filled with men in general, and nicknames? HF has one now. "Rookie Bitch". There are variations on the nickname like, "R.B.", or "Robbie". Sometimes they just call him Rook, Slick, or Kid. I assumed kid would be a likely nickname for him because of his baby face. He's 31 but could pass for someone in their early 20s. He gets a lot of grief for this, getting warned that he'll be put to good use. I sometimes call him Bambino because of his baby face and because he's Italiano.

Today I asked him if he ever gets hit on. He said that he pulled a girl over that kept trying to make small talk with him and then finally asked him if he was married. He said she was disappointed when he said yes.

I said that that was her way of trying to get out of a ticket.

Then he told me that he's been whistled at a lot.

I said that that was just people making fun of him.

Then he said that today they had to go to a dormitory to answer a fire alarm. When they arrived a group of girls from the dorm (supposedly 30-50) swarmed them and he said they started following him around giggling and shouting out, "Hot Cop!"

I didn't have a retort for that one. I mean, I call him Hot Cop myself. I was certain it would happen.

If you don't mind sharing, what are your cop nicknames?