HF :: dancing traffic cop

Someone called in about HF. But it wasn't a complaint. It was to give compliments! A few days ago, HF had to direct traffic after a college basketball game. This person was a pedestrian and was impressed with his traffic directing skillz. I thought that was hilarious. I asked him if he wiggled his butt while waving cars through. I also asked him if he did any breakdancing or Michael Jackson moves. He said that one of the cops in the department is known for his "moves" in the street. He gave HF a few pointers on how to put on a show. These pointers apparently paid off! He got the pedestrians involved by having them boo cars that didn't follow instructions and that sort of thing. I think having some fun while directing traffic helps to ease the after game tensions or just the overall moods of the passengers and pedestrians while they are stuck in traffic. I don't have a video to show you of HF directing traffic, but check out this retired cop, Tony Lepore, from Rhode Island and his dancing cop moves! I love it.

this and that

**update**
Police Wives:
Kate at Busted Plumbing
Natalie at Red Sox Mommy
Mel at Who Needs Sleep When You've Got Love?
A Police Officer's Wife has a cooking blog called, Cooking For a Cop.

This has been a very busy week. HF has been commuting all week to receive training. He is going to post intsructor school. Or whatever you call it. When he gets home at night he has a ton of homework! On top of that, he's also had to work a couple of special events. Then I'm an idiot and all needy this week for some reason, so I've been staying up super late with him-just to be with him. Then I don't even hear him leave in the morning and am up with the kids in the morning after sleeping maybe 4 hours. TIRED. Why do I keep doing this? The best thing he told me from his training this week has been what a SWAT guy has said. When they were introducing themselves, one burly guy got up and said that he tunes anyone out that is doing training about tactical stuff unless they are SWAT. He makes friends wherever he goes, and came home today with business cards from other cops from other agencies. Connections are nice aren't they?

What else. My van has been in the shop all week and I've been walking everywhere. I like it! On the way to walking my daughter to school, we see the little game the city has been playing with the local gang members. They tag an underpass, the city cleans it up the same day. The next day there is fresh graffitti over the paint job, and even more painting on top of that. I found out today that we have a graffitti hotline that we can call to report graffitti. I also found out today that in our state and I'm assuming in many other states that you can ride the city buses for free if you are law enforcement or the family of LEOs. I think I might take advantage of that. Not for my enjoyment, as our bus system is somewhat lousy, but I think the kids would be way excited about it.

HF and I went on a romantical date to a couple of police supply stores last weekend. In the first store, it was fun to see all the gear and uniforms. There was a young couple there being fit for his uniform for the first time. It hasn't even been a year that HF has been a full time officer, but it was nice to see another couple in the same spot we were under a year ago. The second store we went to, I waited in the car and watched the different types of cops go in and out. That was actually pretty fun. There are all kinds of cops guys. I love that you can tell when someone's a cop. What gives them away exactly? Of course, HF came out with someone he knew and they went to the trunk of a car and pulled out a rifle and fiddled with it for a while. I concentrated as hard as I could to send laser beam eyes of impatience his way. I think he felt it. He got in the car and we went to a Japanese market which was on my list of places I wanted to go.

It is only 8:30 pm here but everyone is in bed and that's where I'm headed. Such a good week to have behind us. HF has now completed his certified instructor course or whatever it is called.

Southland Contest

Do you like the tv show Southland?  Well, Dispatcher and Her Officer are having a contest.  Go check it out and enter to win!  Contest ends March 3rd.

Please do not enter this contest as to increase my chances at winning. Thanks.

beautiful blogger award

I was given the Beautiful Blogger award by Mama's Ramblings. Thank you! The rules of this award are:

• Thank the person who nominated you for this award
• Copy the award and place it in your blog
• Link the person who nominated you for this award
• Tell us 7 interesting things about you
• Nominate 7 bloggers and link to their blogs

1.  I started taking piano lessons when I was four. As I grew older, I participated in competitions and even won a few. I got to play at Civic Arts Centers and other places not only in my county, but in Los Angeles and San Francisco. I hated it. I got a music scholarship to a music school. I hated it. I wasn't one of "those" people. I had a lot of embarrassing and clumsy moments like, dropping all my sheet music in the middle of a concert, or practicing the organ too loudly in the basement of a performance hall during a state symphonic orchestra performance and everyone heard my music coming through the floor. I was like the Phantom of the Opera. I was much happier when I changed my major and left music school. Now I play the organ for our church. I still hate performing. Sometimes I vomit. I definitely get sweaty and shaky and get the diarrhea. It's awful. I'm thankful for the ability and for the experiences I have had, but I prefer playing in the quiet of my own home for my my own enjoyment and my family's. I am not a "showy" person.

2.  I get my words mixed up a lot. When I was a freshman in college, a roommate and I would always say, "Botulism!" whenever we saw couples going at it while we were out and about or at a party. Some of these occassions, HF was with us, and finally one day he said confused, "Do you mean debauchery?" My roommate and I looked at each other with humiliated eyes. While not making eye contact with HF, I said cooly, "Yeah, that's totally what we meant. We were just being funny." I quickly jotted down in my mental notebook that botulism was an illness you can get through contaminated food and that debauchery was "scandalous activity". Anyone else have this problem of mixing up words?

3.  I used to work at Williams Sonoma in Thousand Oaks, California and got to see a few celebrities while working there. Pamela Andersen and Tommy Lee (when they were together). I helped him buy a Delonghi toaster oven. He was trying to be inconspicuous, but he can't really pull that off. Pat Benatar came in before Christmas and loaded up on Peppermint Bark.

4.  I participated in a radio dating show where guys would call in and try and win a date with the bachelorette (me). I think it was around the time the first Bachelor episode appeared. My roommates called in and "made" me do it. I was stupid enough to do it and I actually went on the date with the guy that won and it was pretty much the worst date ever. Now looking back, he could've been the next Ted Bundy! What was I thinking?

5.  I am a neat freak. Especially about my bookshelves. The books have to remain in a certain order, and they cannot be pushed in. They all have to be uniform right at the edge of the shelf. The bottom shelf is for the baby's books and I let him make a mess of it. But the rest of the shelves? Perfection. I know if a book is out of order, missing, uneven, etc. Neurotic.

6.  I went snowmobiling through Yellowstone once. I was at the end of the trail because I was an "experienced" (i had done it once before) snowmobiler and our group came to a stop right where a bison family wanted to cross the road. I was trapped, nowhere to go, and a giant buffalo was inches away from me staring me down. I was pretty nervous. I didn't want to make eye contact, and was afraid it was going to charge me, but it was so amazing to see so close. I had never been in snow until I went to college, and while I don't like living where there are 4 seasons, I did come to love winter sports such as cross country skiing, snowboarding, snowshoeing, snowmobiling not so much, but I've done it all, and it really helped pass the long winters. It also helped to make friends with locals that were doing this stuff. They were the ones with all the equipment.

7.  When I met HF it was love at first sight for both of us. I was 17 and he was just turning 19. I was visiting friends that had moved from California to Virginia. His sister was grounded for staying out all night with her boyfriend, and she was mad at HF for busting her chops. My friend and his sister were bad mouthing HF and she mentioned that she couldn't wait until he went back to school (He had just completed his first year of Art school and was home for the summer). I remember thinking how nice it was that she had a brother that watched out for her and tried to prevent her from doing stupid stuff. It seemed extraordinary for a 19 year old guy to be so protective of his sister and so good! He came home and they called to him to come into the kitchen where we were. They were saying, "You have to meet HF. Then you'll know what we're talking about." Well he came into the kitchen and we looked at each other and Barry White's "Can't Get Enough of Your Love" started to play it was over! We were in love! The gals that introduced us just looked back and forth at us in shock. That was not the outcome they were expecting. I was pretty shy so I was probably blushing and saying "hi" all breathlessly. I was only there for a week, but we wrote and called each other and visited each other over the course of the next 4-5 years. He asked me to marry him probbly a dozen times before I said yes. I was only 21 when we got engaged and I was pretty playful. I knew I wanted to marry him, but I also wanted to play a lot. It drove him crazy. Sometimes I look at him and think, "Wow! I can't believe I'm married to that guy! I was hoping I would marry him someday."

Phew! *wiping the sweat off my brow* It is hard for me to do these. And now I am going to pass it on to just one person. Hopefully the Blog Award committee won't strip me of my medals for not choosing 7. It's a newly discovered PW blog. April at The Life and Times of Our Little Family. She is nice and cheery and blogs about a multitude of things.

MISTAAAAAKE!

Ever since I saw this clip on Scrubs a long time ago, whenever I make a mistake I hear the opera man singing, "MISTAAAAAKE!" in my head. Last night was one of those nights. HF mentioned to me casually, "Just so you know, the text messages you send me on my work phone are discoverable. So in a trial if my phone gets subpoenaed, any text messages are discoverable."

He let that sink in for a minute.

It only took a few seconds, but opera guy sang out, "MISTAAAAAKE!" loud and clear in my mind. I don't think I will ever send any "lovey dovey" texts ever again.

I don't know if my romantic texts would have any influence on a case involving HF, other than embarrassing us, but I did read this article over at Police One involving a case in New Mexico. I had never considered before that cell phone records could be used in court. If you talk to your loved one while he or she is on duty, do you have rules for what you can and cannot talk about?

a winter's manifesto

One of the blogs I read occasionally is Soule Mama. She created the above image for download over at her blog with the written winter manifesto. I found it inspiring since I'm having a serious case of the winter doldrums! I miss my year round sun. I've lived here in this God-forsaken wonderful place for 10 years now and I'm still not settled. I'm working on it.

I especially like the part that says, "Get out there everyday, no matter how cold or quick the visit may be. Through crunchy snow underfoot and breath-warmed wool on your face, remember the magic and wonder of it all. Try not to take it for granted."

How do you other winter dwellers survive the long months of winter?

Found: the Jack Bauer Bag

image found here

HF has the Jack Bauer bag. Except, his is in black. He ordered the olive drab one, but they sent the black one instead. It actually worked out because he uses it as a patrol bag.

This is what he keeps in his Jack Bauer patrol bag:

Outer Front Pockets

Traffic light "pig tail," used for manually controlling traffic lights

Flash light cone, attaches to his flash light so he can direct traffic with it at night

Monocular

Small bottle of hand sanitizer

Leatherman Multi Tool

Safety glasses

Extra flashlight

Outer Side Pockets
Nalgene bottle
4 AR-15 magazines

Large Inner Pocket

Folded orange traffic vest

CPR barrier

Hat (when he's not wearing one)

Gloves (when he's not wearing them)

Small Inner Zippered Compartment

Spare change

Fingernail clippers

Silva ranger compass

Pens

Highlighter

USB drives

He likes it a lot. He has a "super secret" connection to a company that sells these bags and got 2 of them for $10. He gave one of them to his partner. You can find the bags through the Amazon link on the power of bauer. I think they are anywhere from around $15 to $25. The bag is originally made by ROTHCO. It is called the Olive Drab Heavy Weight Classic Messenger bag.

job security

image found here

When I am browsing cop blogs, posts entitled, "job security" are usually describing a funny story dealing with a not so bright criminal or civilian. A lot of these laughs I get come from Motor Cop's blog and his dealings with many of his traffic stops.

The other night, there was a report of some guys driving around launching water balloons at unsuspecting pedestrians. They would hit people with balloons and then flip them off and yell obscenities at them. HF assisted with the call. To make a long story short, they all have court dates now. HF noticed the bucket in one of their trucks full of water balloons and also noticed that these guys weren't the sharpest tools in the shed, so he whipped out his phone and asked if he could take pictures of the inside of their vehicle. They almost seemed flattered at his asking and happily said, "Sure!" So he got some photographic evidence for the report. Then a couple of the guys got excited when they saw him taking pictures and asked, "Is this going to be in the newspaper?" HF thought fast and said, "Uh, yeah! Maybe!" So they all huddled together and asked him to take pictures of them. With their arms around each other, they did different poses and everything, even throwing in some of their own signature "gang" signs. The other officers that were with HF were trying not to laugh as HF took pictures. HF is pretty good at convincing people. Pretty much anytime he asks someone if he can look in their car, etc., they almost always say yes. I think it's his good looks. They really get him places.

I love when he responds to stuff like this. It's my favorite. Sure beats the other kind of stuff.

Smörgåsbord

Yesterday my six year old, Daisy, presented us with this drawing of a turtle that she just whipped out. We were flabbergasted. Maybe it's the whole 'we think our kids are amazing because we are their parents' thing, but this is pretty good for a six year old is it not? She said, "I made it look like a Mexican pattern." Again, impressed with the vision she had with this. The mosaic pattern all over the turtle. So I think we will be helping her to nurture the inner artist. If she so desires, that is. You can click on the image I think to see the details close up. If you care.

Found these lunch bags in the dollar bin at Target. I sent this to work with HF on Valentine's Day. This bag fit a ton of stuff for some reason. On the bottom is a tiny bento box (which was pink and Hello Kitty. I did it on purpose to embarrass him, but he didn't care) filled with carrots and cucumbers and ranch dip. On top of that I fit a container of greek yogurt and an apple sliced up. On top of those were a turkey sandwich and a large ziploc of Cheetos natural white cheddar cheese puffs (his favorite) and a small bag of Swedish fish with a Valentine's note on top. He gets grief from other officers sometimes if he's eating in the breakroom. They ask him if he brought his easy bake oven to work with him and stuff like that. I think their just jealous of these majorly thoughtful lunches.

In other news, we are sick AGAIN! It's like we get over one bug and we are on to the next one. I'll spare you the details, but know that I was up all night last night with 1 1/2 hours of sleep total. HF stayed up with me when he got home from his shift to pat my head and say, "poor little bunny" while I moaned and clutched my stomach. We watched 30 Rock in bed at 5:00 in the morning, and then we read a chapter of Bill Bryson's The Lost Continent: Travels in Small-town America. Once he fell asleep, he ended up waking up twice, once to help with the baby and the second time to get dinner ready for the kids since I couldn't manage very well with food. Happy Valentine's Day family! I hope tonight isn't a repeat of last night.

The other item of business is my little interview over at the Tactical Pants Blog. It might be things you may or may not already know about me, but check it out if you'd like. Jeanette posts a lot of fun things over there that are worth reading anyway.

Finally, police wife blogs:

Tied by His Love

FroneAmy is blogging again at The Badge Family!

April at The Life and Times of the E Family

Design Dazzle. She's a designer and an LEO wife. I dream about being able to do some of the stuff she showcases on her site. I think a lot of you ladies would love looking at this. Especially those of you that have buns in the oven. . .

time for another round of name that cop trivia (part V)

We haven't played Name That Cop for a while. How much do you know about these tv/movie cops? Do you know the actor(s), the names of the characters they played, the name of the tv show or movie?

See here for previous Name that Cop posts. Answers to NTC IV are as follows:

1. 
   
   Peter Falk as Det. Columbo on the tv show Columbo
2. 
   
   Jack Lord as Steve McGarrett in Hawaii Five-O
3. 
   
   Law & Order: Senior detective Lennie Briscoe played by Jerry Orbach. In the corner of the picture is Benjamin Bratt who played Det. Reynaldo "Rey" Curtis.
4. 
   
   Chief Clancy Wiggum from the Simpsons. His voice is done by Hank Azaria.
5. 
   
   Marcus Burnett (Martin Lawrence) and Mike Lowery (Will Smith) in Bad Boys (1995). I think the girl in the picture is Tea Leoni.

I can't stress to you enough how important it is that you read this post

I'm feeling very proud of my big brother today. He's a cop in California. Yesterday he got a call about a suspicious person parked in front of a bank. He had been sitting there for 1-2 hours. When he and his partner arrived, they noticed him immediately and my brother approached his vehicle. The first thing he noticed was that he was wearing a "bank robber" outfit. And he had a painted on mustache. Hmmm. Suspicious. So he began questioning him. He said he was waiting for a friend inside the bank. He knew this guy was bad news, but he needed enough probable cause to make an arrest. He asked him for his license and registration and when he leaned over to get into his glove box, he saw the butt of a gun sticking out the front of his pants. Usually in this type of situation, my brother and I'm sure most officers would yell something like, "DON'T MOVE!" or "PUT YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM!" with an expletive thrown in there perhaps. Well for some reason, my brother very calmly and collected said:

 "Sir, I can't stress to you enough how important it is that you do exactly as I say. I see your gun and if you reach for it I am going to shoot you."

A lot of words. He said that even as he was saying it, he was thinking what in the world am I saying?! I thought it was pretty funny. The guy was very cooperative and eventually confessed to everything. At first he said the gun was for shooting squirrels out of his yard. Then they found his robbery note that he was going to hand off to the teller. They charged him with attempted robbery and a felony vehicle code section because he falsified his license plates to conceal his identity.

Now most people just laugh this kind of criminal story off. It ends up in the news under the "Stupid criminals" section. What they don't know is that this guy was desperate. He wasn't a bad person. He had no record and had led a good life for the most part. What does it take for someone to get to this point of desperation? For this guy, it was bad. He had lost his job a week ago. His wife was recovering from surgery pertaining to an ongoing battle with cancer, and he was losing his house. This directly tells the story of America right now. Hard things are happening to everyone. People handle hardship a number of ways. While I feel heartbroken for his circumstances, it was a very poor decision that he made to rob a bank. His situtaion went from bad to worse. But, my brother's intervention may have prevented the unthinkable. If he had gone through with the robbery, would he have shot someone or multiple people? Would he have been killed himself?

Thankfully we'll never know because of the actions of my brother. It's easy to relegate these types of stories to the stupid criminal files, but everyone has a story to tell. Maybe it's because of the line of work "we" are in, but we tend to want to know the motivation behind the act. Why do people do what they do? Why don't they know they have other options? Clearly there are other factors involved other than desperation.

It's an interesting perspective at times. Pride in what my husband and brother and other loved ones do when they "get the bad guy", and yet a deep compassion and heartache for the ones who's lives have fallen apart.

Oh, and just as you might have suspected, everyone is using the "I can't stress to you enough. . . " line now. My poor brother is getting teased bad. During briefing, the Sgt. will say something like, "I can't stress to you enough how important it is that you wear your rain coats today."

In fact, I think I will start using the expression myself.

the mysterious fuzz balls

 

Since HF was in the academy, these little black fuzz balls started appearing all over the house, but mostly in abundance in our bedroom. Here's a little pile I gathered. We didn't know what they were for so long. At first we thought it was mouse poop. There were so many fuzz balls that I though there must've been a whole rat family taking up shelter in our house (I am frightened of rodents and was ready to blow the place up with dynamite. Or at least move out.) One night when I came upstairs to go to bed I saw HF down on his hands and knees examining these little black bits that were sprinkled all over the place. We still didn't know what they were! Then one day when HF got home from work and I was just waking up, I sat up and watched as he removed his socks and began rubbing and picking off all these little fuzzies from his feet without even noticing. "It's you!" I accused. Then we felt pretty dumb for not realizing what it had been all these months. He went from wearing flip flops everyday to combat boots and thick black socks. So of course we wouldn't know where it was coming from. The only frustrating thing about it really is that our vacuum won't pick it up so I have to gather it all up by hand.

Anyone else have an infestation of black fuzz balls all over their house from their man's (or woman's) boots and socks?

police wives used to be hard to find. . .

but not anymore! The list of PWs over there on my side bar keeps growing and growing. I haven't counted lately, but I'm thinking it's between 60-70 blogs. Today I *met* Elizabeth of Confessions of a Working Mom. She's funny. She's a lot of other great things too, but definitely has a great sense of humor.

***updated***   Simply Complicated. She just started blogging and has a great list of how becoming a police wife has changed her life. Sound familiar?  

happy award and new blogs

 

Thank you Natalie for the blog award.  Here are the rules for accepting:

• Copy the award image into a post
• List 10 things that make you happy
• Tag 10 bloggers who brighten your day
• Put a link to their blogs
• Notify the award receivers
• Recipients should link back to the sender's blog

my 10 happy things (which I may or may not have mentioned in previous posts):

1. grapefruit (the food and any other grapefruit scented item)
2. a clean and organized home
3. karaoke
4. bad acting or cheesy movies
5. AC/DC for some reason and other similar music
6. Delilah 
7. FOOD
8. rain
9. the outdoors
10. when people tell embarrassing/funny stories

Here's ten people I'm giving it out to. No pressure if it's not your cup of tea.

Lisa at Happily Ever After in Seattle
Rebecca at The Blessings of Modern Domestication
Jillian at Mom to a Princess
Mar at a Life Live to Glorify Him
Tara at Just One Moment in Forever
The Wonderful World of Shaw
Stacia at the Johnson Squad
Paula at Paula's Place
KD at Life While Handcuffed to a Lawman
TM at the Sun is Always Blue

Oh, and a there's a couple of new police wife blogs:
Pam Landy at Requesting Backup 
Gruber Family: Cuffed and Loving it!

Lura and Kim, thank you for your sweet comments you left on previous posts.  I know there are lots of you that leave comments that don't have blogs or have elected to keep them private for one reason or another. I appreciate all your comments. I'm glad we're in this all together.

there really are good people out there (by HF)

The other day I was working a basketball game for a local University.  I was patrolling one of the concourses when a couple approached me and asked me if I would be willing to do something for them.  I asked them how I could be of service and they showed me a little T-shirt. 

"There's this little boy in our section and he's in a wheel chair.  He looks pretty disabled and he's here with just his mom.  We thought it would be cool if you presented him with this T-shirt on behalf of the school."

I asked the couple how they knew the boy and his mother and they exclaimed that they didn't know them at all and wanted me to give him the T-shirt so their gift would be anonymous.  I was touched.  I agreed and we walked together toward their section in the stands.  As we got closer I told another officer what we were about to do.  He pulled out a "junior police officer" sticker and handed it to me. 

"Deputize him while your at it!" he said.

When we arrived at the couple's section, they quickly made their way back to their seats and watched from above.  The other officer and I made our way to the little boy in the wheel chair and his mother.  When we arrived I introduced us and addressed the boy,

"The university would like to thank you for coming to support the team and would like to give you this special T-shirt. We would also like to make you a junior police officer today." 

I handed his mother the badge and she placed it on her son's chest.  Her eyes welled up with tears and she thanked us for doing what we did.  As I walked away I glanced up at the couple who had given me and this little family this wonderful gift.  I waved and they tearfully smiled back at me.

Earlier that day I had been feeling pretty dark about the state of the world.  I was wondering if there really were any decent people left in the world.  Then this happened.  My faith in humanity was restored.  I never got a chance to thank the couple after the game for their wonderful act of anonymous kindness.  I never got to thank them for giving me the opportunity to be the face of their simple act of kindness.  I have no doubt that this will have positive after effects for our department.  Where ever you are, thank you.  Thank you for giving me the opportunity to do this wonderful thing.  You made me and my department look heroic that day.  You guys are the real heroes and I will always remember what you did.

fighting

Recently I discovered another Police blog, Cop Mama. She's been a cop for 15 years and is also the mom to two very small boys. She blogs a little about everything and I've been enjoying reading. A few days ago I read her post, This Is How WE Fight. She posted a conversation she had with her husband via text messages that could've easily escalated into a fight and she shows how her husband used humor to defuse the situation and later when they talked they both agreed that they should use humor more often. She then asked her readers, "what tools have YOU and your spouse found to defuse an argument?"

Humor, for us, is really helpful in dissolving a potential fight. In my opinion, this has always been one of our strengths as a couple. I can think of a few specific examples:

ME: I am so angry with you right now. I really don't want to be, but it's just so easy to be sometimes.

HF: That's why it's so hard being a super hero. The moment you do something human, everyone turns on you.

He always says these sort of dumb things, but no matter how angry I am, it usually makes me crack up, or at least smile. When I laugh or smile, he usually keeps it up and smothers me with affection so we can talk in a more loving and respectful manner about the problem.

One day during dinner I was furious with HF for something (must've not been very important because I can't even remember what it was now) and I got up to get the milk out of the fridge. Behind the kids' backs I gave HF a death glare. He stopped eating, dropped his fork and said, "Oh no you di'int". He was out of his chair and chasing me in a split second. I was so surprised by this that I actually screamed and ran up the stairs laughing. I was also unsure of what he was going to do. He came after me and tackled me on our bed where we ended up kissing. I was no longer angry at him and we could talk rationally about what had caused my anger towards him.

Most recently, HF looked at me and noting my look of disappointment, he said, "You think I'm hot, don't you." I didn't say anything. He said again, "you think I'm cute, huh." I finally smiled and said, "Yes. I do." Then he added, "It's impossible for you to be mad at me right now because I'm so cute." Again, he made me laugh and shake my head at him. And he uses that one about his looks when I'm especially angry. We could be totally having it out and he'll say, "Even though you are yelling at me right now, you can't help but think how hot I look in these jeans. You are so attracted to me right now. You want me don't you." How can you stay angry and fighting with someone who randomly says something like that to you.

We've been fighting. In fact, we have had a couple of what I consider to be real doozies lately. What it comes down to is the change in HF in regards to his communication style mostly. He seems so angry all the time and there is no reasoning with him. No one likes to be told when they are wrong, etc. That causes one to become defensive. We've been told that this is normal for every cop early on and that it goes away with time. I tend to believe more along the line that it's still a decision that you make to be angry and it won't go away with time unless you deal with it appropriately. I'm not very sympathetic to the whole "I'm acting this way because of . . . " stuff. If you know how to act and what's appropriate, then you just do it! I understand that he is going to change, but no matter how much reading I do about how becoming a cop affects your loved one, I expect him to communicate with me in a better way and sit down with me so we can both talk about it. I also know that I can't make him do what I want him to do. He knows what's right and he's an adult. I know he has the tools, and I know he knows what I expect. I know he wants the same thing as I do. It's the same for me as well when I am struggling and need to change.

While I'm not worried and hopeless about our relationship, I am impatient and frustrated with the slowness of change. After a day of fighting, sometimes I think how can I make this right. How can I make things better. How can I nurture love and forgiveness in our relationship. I suspect he's asking himself the same things. We both end up texting each other apologies and hugging it out when he comes home. Or sometimes it's not until we're in bed and the silence is too much for us to bear and we end up inching towards one another until our feet are tangled up together. It doesn't solve the problems. It doesn't make all the anger and hurt go away, but we love each other and neither of us like how it feels when there is tension between us.

I guess what bothers me the most is that HF has always been a lover not a fighter. That is something that drew me to him early on. He is very forgiving and I am not that way. I am a fighter and don't want to forgive so easily. Lately I have realized how much I have relied on this strength of his. I have always seen him as a very Christ-like person, which is how I would like to be. I also realized that it's always HF and not me that uses humor when angry. He's the one that makes things better when we are fighting. That's why his suddenly being a fighter instead of a lover has got us all in disarray. I expect him to be the one to make it better. I've never known him to turn the tables on me.

I'm not writing this as a plea for help or for advice. I'm just putting it out there more as a conversation starter because I think we all have our times of disconnect in our relationships. I think that certain professions such as being a police officer adds strain at various times throughout the relationship as well. We are still adjusting to this lifestyle. HF is still adjusting to his job and the responsibility that that entails. I guess what I'm saying is we are all going to fight in one way or another and how we fight affects the path that we will travel in our relationships. Without humor making an appearance in our fights, I don't know how we would forgive one another and move on stronger and wiser as we grow old together. Granted it doesn't always work, but it really does most of the time.

What are your stories? How do you keep a fight from escalating?

In my best Linda Richman accent (Mike Meyers in SNL's Coffee Talk), "I'm all verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves!"

P.S. Today is one of HF's days off. He spent it not being able to get out of bed and then going with his partner to another officer's house to go through all his Vietnam era junk that his wife was making him get rid of and brought home a bunch of new crap which I asked him if he knew where he was going to keep it. He said he would find a place and that I wouldn't even see it. I told him it better be a room of requirement (Harry Potter reference). Then after making dinner for three screaming children and dealing with them all day on my own and getting them to bed, he puts in an episode of the Backyardigans because he has "one of their songs stuck in his head and this is the only way to get it out". Talk about making me angry! :)

will it blend?

Have you guys heard of Will it Blend? I want this machine so bad. The Magic Bullet that I raved about so much a few months ago is giving me some trouble. I actually watched this being demoed (is that how you spell it?) at Costco around Christmas.

Anyway, I have been watching these Will it Blend? videos at You tube and just had to share this one of the airsoft gun. I've also mentioned previously that I'm not exactly thrilled with HF's airsoft addiction hobby. It would be too tempting to blend one of HF's airsoft guns. I smile at the idea of myself holding one of his M16's in this machine as it slowly gets smaller and smaller until it turns to dust. (This is meant to be funny by the way. I'm not really crazy like that. I do hate airsoft, but we all have our interests, right?)

Oh, and just so you know, the very basic of this model is "on sale" for $399.99. *whistles*