Sunday, May 10, 2009

Lesson #1

My very first lesson as a brand new police wife, even though it's something that has happened previously in our marriage, and I've been told countless times by others. . .
  1. Don't expect to see your husband on Mother's Day, or any holiday for that matter.
I knew this, and I know not to ever get my hopes up, I just have a mind like Dr. Dorian on Scrubs. My mind always wanders off in a dream sequence.

HF has a really cool FTO. Every night he has these little lessons that he teaches him. Lesson #1 was "Don't be stupid". He shared with him a story about another officer in the department that pulled over a guy for reckless driving. He was arguing with this kid, telling him that if he took this particular corner at the speed he was driving that he would flip his car. The kid would say, "No I wouldn't", the cop would say, "yes you would". Finally the cop says, "Look, I'll show you. And he did. And yes you guessed it. He flipped his car over. So then the FTO turns to HF and says, "what's the lesson?" and HF said, "Don't be stupid."

I imagine the FTO with a clipboard with a list written in crayon that says, "Lesson #1: Don't be stupid", and then a box to check mark when he passes. In all seriousness, he's learning a lot and he's doing well. I've never seen him look happier and be more excited. But he's got a good head on his shoulders. I know he'll do great things. Graduation details tomorrow.

12 comments:

thinblueline said...

Welcome to the fold :)

Lizzie @ Lizzie's Home said...

Oooh, how exciting - another police wife here, way down here in Australia. Not something I readily advertise online (mindful of security concerns, and also at Talented Hubby's request ;) but we've (yes, WE - wives might as well be in the force themselves, since we're all along for the ride!) been out of the academy since Dec '02.

Welcome!

Cheers,
Lizzie

Lizzie @ Lizzie's Home said...

Oh, and not to scare you or anything, but for the first four or five years, TH wasn't home for part or all of Xmas day (thankfully that got better, because being the only parent around when the kiddos open their presents is kind of depressing).

You'll also come to understand (if not approve) the police officers oft-times macabre sense of humour. It's a coping mechanism, best leave them to it, LOL.

These days we speak at least once on the phone during each shift and often throw in a couple of texts but you're right (think it was an earlier post) when you said they can't always call in advance to let you know they're on their way home. Even if its just calling as he's walking to the car (twenty mins out from home), TH'll still call, just to save me an extra 20mins worry. FOSTER THAT HABIT in your husband, LOL.

Good luck...

Cheers,
Lizzie

Slamdunk said...

Funny stuff. I would say that your Lesson #1 ranks up there as one of the most important--right alongside just tell the truth about everything (it will help in the long-run and it sure is alot easier to remember the 25th time you have to retell something).

Happy belated Mother's Day.

Stephanie said...

First, congratulations to HF!

2nd - Happy Mother's day to you to!

3rd - The first few holidays you will feel like it is weird that he may have to work, but then you will kinda just get use to it. Besides, sometimes it is fun to celebrate holidays on another day, just for yall! It is like a special family day.

Momma Val said...

Yes, I agree with your message. BUTTTTTTT, if you are creative and willing to bend ALOT and VERY OFTEN you can make the best of his schedule. My husband is on afternoons and we can do little celebrations BEFORE his shift. Often times we can also meet up with others at a restaurant for birthdays and such before his shift near the PD. I also have hosted Thanksgiving at 11am the last 2 years at our house and then he goes to work and everyone else brings a dish and pitches in with cleanup. Often birthdays aren't celebrated on THE day but are not forgotten either. I think more than ever I am VERY serious about family time, meaning just us nobody else. It's VERY precious and it does ruffle feathers but I am not married to them and quite frankly it's too bad. We need that time as a family. Makes a world of a difference. Also, with the stress of his job, the NEED for date night is much greater than ever before for his/my sanity and our marriage. After all, the divorce rate for LEO's is like 75%. Your family (just you parents and kids) and marriage come before anyone else. AND, your family will have to get over having to have him there for functions. Often, it is more trouble than it's worth, sometimes it works though Last year he hit it just right where many holidays fell on his days off, it was wonderful. You can make it work, even if you are having an Easter Egg hunt at 6pm or Thanksgiving at 11am. You get creative and make it work. Sometimes it makes it more fun doing things unconventionally :) Look outside the box!!!

Momma Val said...

Sorry for hijacking. Sorry I meant that your extended family will have to get over him not being there. Ooh, also if we are missing Daddy really bad, we will go to PD town and try to have dinner with him at a local restaurant OR hang out with him at a side job like the arcade, etc. He has to work at this too, this whole graduation thing doesn't just mean, "Oh, I'm a cop now and you'll see me when you see me." My husband tried that at first and things were going downhill fast. He has to jip on sleep at times to see us and make it a priority for himself too, family time. OK, hijacking done.

Meadowlark said...

Like Momma Val says, holidays happen whenever they CAN happen. Early birthdays, late birthdays, as a cops wife you'll see it all.

That said, she's doubly right with the fact that HE has to make you and the fam a priority. And no matter how much he loves you, there will be times when work is so fun and exciting that his heart will be there and he's going to need a swift kick in the keister (keester?) to remind him where his priorities are. :)

Good luck and have fun!

Ashley said...

We live in this weird paradime where we have to look at the calendar at a yearly pace - "What holidays and birthdays will Hubs be off?"

Dori said...

I did have something to say but MeadowLark pretty much said it all--bend, be flexible and dates on calendars are important. Celebrate on your own schedule. When it comes to our children's birthdays--extended family conforms to OUR schedule and when WE can celebrate as a family. My daughter's first birthday was planned for after her nap and we had cake before supper...and some of us had cake later too...because that was when Daddy was awake. Our little family comes before anyone else. And we're thriving because of that. Guess I did have something else to add after all! :D
You're on the right track, Mrs. Fuzz!

Natalie said...

Ditto, ditto, etc...

We've been on the path of work coming first, and like Momma Val said, downhill was at a lightning fast speed! It was tough because we already had traditions and habits in place before becoming an LEO family, so it was quite an adjustment at first.

We're still working on it, and the most successful thing we've been able to do has been to celebrate on HIS schedule (as mentioned above) and not just throw the holiday/celebration out. I even had to buy my own V-day flowers this year and most of my Christmas presents last year, but I honestly didn't mind because I got exactly what I wanted and let him know that it didn't bother me that he wasn't able to do anything because his shifts didn't allow it. Good luck with figuring out what will work for your family (and happy belated Mother's Day!)

Erin said...

My hubs has worked the past two Christmases, and is on again this year. BOOOOO.

Also, his FTO taught him this: If you ever make a wrong turn, say into a parking lot when you meant to turn at the next street, just turn on your spotlight and pretend to do a safety check before moving on :)