Monday, September 28, 2009

random thoughts

I had plans tonight. These plans have been in place for a while. HF got home from work this morning and informed me before falling asleep that he had to be back to work by 3 pm to work a special event. I gave him my "squint like Clint (Eastwood)" eyes, but I knew there was nothing I could do about it. It was impossible to get a babysitter on that short of notice, and I couldn't take the kids with me. My plans. Ruined. I was kind of upset. (note to self: Mr. and Mrs. Fuzz should have a scheduling meeting once a week, preferably Sunday nights after the kids go to bed. We will write on a calendar all the scheduled events that he has that he knows of and then I can make plan A's and plan B's. No more of this telling me about events while I'm half asleep or shampooing my hair and can't write things down.)

My eyes darted around the room, resting on a rotting container of baked beans on HF's nightstand. He had already fallen asleep and I lay on my stomach staring at the nasty container. I realized that every day he brings his pack upstairs when he gets home and empties everything out onto his nightstand. I wake up because I hear the violent ripping of the velcro on his uniform belt. Sometimes I might roll over and say, "Seriously?". Then there's the racking of the slide, the lone bullet falling out with a dull thud on the floor, to which I might say, "Can you do that again? I don't think the neighbors heard you". Then there's the sound that I can't stand the most. The empty tupperware container being set down on the nightstand. Today being the previous night's baked beans. It will sit there until I can't take it any longer and I take it down to the kitchen, because HF just won't do it. Sometimes these containers are being brought home after a few days or even weeks and are growing mold. This is one of those little things that drive me mad. I shout in my head, "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST PUT THESE NASTY CONTAINERS IN THE DISHWASHER AND NOT BRING THEM UPSTAIRS TO OUR BEDROOM AND PUT THEM ON THE NIGHTSTAND?!"

But you know what? These sounds are the sounds of him coming home *safe* in the morning. I love being woken up by the sounds of him coming home when there's so much uncertainty while I'm sleeping. It's comforting! In the middle of the day when I'm finally getting around to loading the dishwasher, I remember that there's one more dish. I go upstairs and tiptoe into the bedroom. I usually pause to look at him sleeping. He looks so tired. Sometimes there's drool coming out of the corner of his mouth. Sometimes he's snoring. I like it when he's lying straight face down with his arms by his side and there are two or three pillows stacked perfectly on top of his head. I slowly reach for the nasty container that he so inconsiderately! placed on the nightstand and I hold my breath, thinking that if he hears me, he might karate chop me because that's what he does now. As I carry that container back downstairs, I know it really isn't a big deal that he does this. Yes, it really does drive me crazy, and it would be preferable that he put his used food containers in the sink, rinsed! But this little ritual of his, imperfect as it is, has become "music" to my ears given the nature of his job. In the grand scheme of things, it's just a container. And if it's empty, that means he ate his food that I made for him instead of going to some fast food place in the middle of the night.

If he gets home early enough, before the kids are awake, he slides into bed, spoons me, and quietly tells me about his shift. I would like to keep sleeping, and sometimes he goes right to sleep along with me, but I end up having so many questions. And he usually has some good stories to share. Which, by the way, he will be sharing on the blog soon.

I like this post by LAPD wife, Routine Challenges.

My newest found tv show while HF is working graves. Miami Vice seasons 1-4 on So far? Ridiculous.

If you are a fan of Napoleon Dynamite and Nacho Libre, you will be happy to know about the newest film, Gentlemen Broncos , out October 30th.


Momma Val said...

I get ya! Cop Dad thankfully usually rinses his out in the sink at the station. But it would make a big journey up to our bedroom to our nightstand when he could just put it on the counter so it really never comes upstairs. I have the same feeling abut the little black fuzzballs from his socks when he pulls them off in the hallway for the hamper. Not so funny when he doesn't realize that they are from him and gets annoyed that there are black fuzzballs on the light wood floor. Don't want to think about life without the stupid fuzzballs coming home and on my floor :)

Meadowlark said...

It's posts like these that make me feel like a bad wife ;)

Long gone are the days where I'm willing to put up with inconsiderate behavior simply because he's home safely.

I know it sounds like I'm a bitch, but seriously, these little pieces of "Oh, you're way too special to have to follow the basic rules of society - pick up after yourself, be considerate, etc -" are a slippery slope that we're better off NOT to put our LEOs on.

(Bear with me here) Do you know why so often rock stars "self destruct"? Because they're special. Because the rules that the rest of us adhere to don't really count for them. And even the most grounded, amazing, thoughtful, caring, wonderful man (or woman) at some point starts to believe that perhaps they're above the rules of the rest of us. Subtly, millimeter by millimeter, and they'd deny it if you ever asked, but when wives talk about "will being a LEO change my guy?", THIS is one of the areas where we, ourselves, contribute to that change.

If he were a plumber, would we condone such behavior? A banker? A doctor?

For many of us, adoring our spouse is awfully close to hero worship (guilty) but we are charged with keeping them grounded, not contributing to the problem.

Mrs. Fuzz, I realize that sounds all bitchy and directed at you. It really isn't specifically. I guess it's more a thought that I wanted to put out there.

I sincerely apologize if it came out wrong (90% sure it did. It always does) but if I can protect one person from where I was after 20 some years of marriage, and where I've seen a good portion of fellow LEO wives who are in long-term LEO relationships (at around 15 years, they seem to get a bit dull around the edges) then it was worth it.

Peace to you. Feel free to delete this long rant.

Natalie said...

Hulu has been a total lifesaver, I tell you what! Sometimes I look forward to when he goes back on nights so I can watch Glee! but learned he wants to watch Castle with me.

You're a much better person for hearing the "music" behind racking the slide (had to ask FH what it was called) and screech of the velcro. FH's learned to go down to his Man Cave to do the loud stuff after coming in and giving me a kiss, letting me know he's home safe.

He tends to leave empty water bottles everywhere. I'm glad he's drinking water over coffee or Pepsi, but it's discouraging to put water in the fridge for myself only to find an empty container laying around the house.

mrs. fuzz said...

Momma Val-the black fuzz balls! How could I have forgotten about those black fuzzballs that are all OVER the house?! They are mostly on the stairs and in the bedroom, and I had no idea what they were for so long until one night I saw him picking fuzz balls off his feet after taking his socks off. I was like, "IT'S YOU!" Yeah that drives me crazy and the vacuum doesn't do a very good job picking them up either. I think HF didn't know what they were either for awhile. Thought they were bugs or mouse poop or something. Ha.

Meadowlark-I knew that this post would possibly make me sound like Olive Oyl from Popeye (eyelashes fluttering and sighing and "my hero"). He's in no way behaving like a rock star and "trashing his hotel room". He has changed and is changing, but he doesn't think he's special and therefore deserves special treatment. I would not put up with that. I guess what I was trying to say was that the containers are not a big deal. He's not trying to make me miserable or his servant by leaving them there. He's emptying his pack and hopping into bed and would most likely take care of it later in the day when he wakes up. I'm figuring out what's worth fighting about, and what's better to let go. I get what you are saying and i always appreciate your comments and insights no matter what they are! God knows there are plenty of people that need to hear your insights mixed with your humor! I love it. I'm not offended at all.

I really don't want to sound like I'm some 50s housewife that grins and bears it. I would hope that if he were in any profession, plumber included, that I would behave the same way I do now, although a plumber can't usually be mentally, physically, spiritually exhausted by the nature of his job (well, I take that back. Maybe he can!). I think it's safe to say that LEOs need and deserve a little extra TLC and fogiveness *because* of their jobs. It may take more work, it may be more frustrating than other relationships, it may come with its own special set of problems, but that's what we signed up for when we got married. We have a few decades to figure out how to balance, how to nurture, how to roll with the punches, how to adjust to change, how to raise kids, etc. Maybe we'll need counseling at some point. Maybe HF will be a real jerk about something. Maybe I will! But this is us. It's a lot of work and it's hard a lot of the time, but so far so good. We are a good team. I hope to be one of the LEO success stories.

When we got married, someone gave us this large fridge magnet that says, "If you will make your first concern the comfort, the well being and the happiness of your companion, sublimating any personal concern to that loftier goal, you will be happy, and your marriage will go on." I've tried the other way. Making me happy first and it doesn't work. That doesn't mean it isn't important to ensure your own happiness, and take care of yourself, etc., but this same advice applies to HF. He has to do the same thing or it won't work. It's can't be one-sided.

Anyways. . . this could be an ongoing discussion or a separate post.

Meadowlark said...

You didn't actually sound like a 50s housewife, btw. :)

This is just one of those topics that scare the daylights outta me!

You'll do great. Just throwing the whole thing out there.


Slamdunk said...

Ha, you are golden. I would still get berated despite being a rookie if I were to be a slob when I got home from the overnight shift.

Paula said...

Hey I am glad that you remembered the important thing was that he had arrived 'home safe' My son's team had an officer killed yesterday. Shot by some idiot that had called in a larceny. Suspect found and shot to death by cops. Kiss them and hold them tight everyday when they leave and be thankful when they come home safe. (It would be nice if he learned to respect your sleep however.) Hope your day is a good one

mrsofficer said...

Oh our men, imperfectly perfect.yes washed tupperware would be nice, but im glad I buy those cheapy disposibles... And a hubby home in one piece is a BLESSING with their profession. Sometimes I get upset but he has a get outta jail free card when he is working. But on days off,the standards raise .And he most definetly doesn't make my job harder at home. Im lucky he helps with the kiddies and does some cleaning. That respect,well I just love him so for that.

911 and the Randomness.. said...

Yep, the velcro always wakes me up too!! and the blk fuzz balls are all over the wht carpet... Always nice to know they are safe tho.

Dori said...

He gets undressed DOWNSTAIRS! Because it's one thing to wake me up--but no one wakes up the kiddos and gets away with it! Though I can totally still hear the velcro of the vest and the belt--but it's muted and I know he's home. Then the beep beep beep of the safe being opened, closed and locked reassures me that his weapon is being locked up.

But the man has more pairs of black boots than I do. And they were all at the back door. Then up on the washer because of the cat's peeing "issues". Now? They're lined up in the office. Why? Because there's only so much I can put up with. Baby steps. I finally got him to take his boots off at the door and now they're moved out of our way.

And he washes the dishes most nights. And takes care of the cat box and trash. I'll put up with a lot for that. Regardless of his occupation!

copswife said...

Hubs dresses and undresses in the office next door to our bedroom for just this reason. He has the whole top of a dresser for all his things that need to get plugged in, duty belt and his sunglasses with a pig nose, ect.

I think your realization was a good one, as long as you aren't just stuffing it all down inside only to see it explode later. Overall, does stuff like that really matter? As long as he is loving and respectful in most ways.

Hell, in our house, HE's the one going, hey, sweetie, I love you, but how many times have I asked you not to fill the sink with dishes and water and then let it set for two days? I'm a slob.

LOUDnPROUD said...

My dh usually remembers to empty his cooler on the start of his RDO,which means a week full of moldy smelly so called disposable containers,which I find I can't dispose of regardless(must be the budgeter in me),or he will try and sneak one in he has had out in his truck for a while!usually when it comes to Moldy smelly vs. me just doing it wins but not when its going to make me throw up when I open it,for sure then I remind him how easy to do it himself it really is!LOL

Lisa said...

I get it... Sometimes, despite the obviouse annoyances of being married, there are those moments when you're just glad he's home... even if he drives you crazy... (you'd rather be crazy than loose the crazy option.) I get it... I love when my cop comes home.

BunnyO said...

All I can say is I totally appreciate this post. Whenever my hubs does something to irritate me, I pack him a lunch and just take one very noticable bite out of everything I put in his lunch. Just to force him to think about me and chuckle :)