HF has had his share of complaints against him, mostly informal, but what came unexpectedly was his first self-blame. Early into the job, he had dealt with an unprecedented amount of suicides. He handled each case very well and effectively. He has dealt with suicide at an extremely personal level, as two of his family members have attempted suicide in the past and he intervened, saving their lives. Ten years into the job, like most cops, he has seen his share of tragedy and garbage, and while I believe he does his job well, that stuff starts to take a toll on you in different ways. Some cases hit too close to home. Some cases you take personally. Some cases are hard to let go.
Recently, at the suggestion of his lieutenant, he went to see a counselor regarding a recent case of his. When he told me the story of what had happened previously, it sounded like many of the other cases he has dealt with. Why did this one deliver such a blow to him emotionally? I am finding that cops, in general, compartmentalize, or put things in mental boxes. They have a reputation for being numb emotionally and detached for a reason. Sometimes there isn't any more room in these boxes and things come spilling out. That's why I think it is so important that cops have someone that they talk to professionally. Therapists can help you process it all.
It broke my heart to see HF struggling emotionally with this case and at the same time I was thanking my lucky stars that there was someone in place for him to see if he needs to. But there's also a risk with that. Why the stigma? Why is there shame associated with needing help? It isn't just in their profession, however, there seems to be some judgment, at least in the past, regarding cops and therapy. There has been a lot of attention as of late to this very issue. There have been one too many cop suicides. Whether it's job related, or more personal, was there help for these officers, or are they from a department that maybe isn't supportive of their officers getting the help they need? I hate to say it, but I have seen this. Even though it isn't said, it is widely looked down at certain departments, or a sign of weakness, if an officer needs help. Is that a fair assessment? They're supposed to be the ones helping, not the ones in need of help.
In the last few years, I've been very happy to see support for cops and their mental well-being. One of these in particular is: Copline (1-800-COPLINE) There are others out there and of course national suicide prevention hotline, but I like that this hotline is answered by retired officers and that it is anonymous. Any information or opinions you have on this subject, I would love to hear about in the comments! Should spouses being going too? Together? Alone? What are your thoughts? I personally find it very helpful to talk to someone about HF's job that understands and can help me navigate. Some other police wives I've talked to recommend going to the same therapist, both separate and together. These are tough times for our LEOs and their families. We're in this together! 💙
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