the graduation

Images from graduation weekend:

a roll of crime scene tape. It came in handy.

a thank you from HF to me

HF's other love in life. This is a gourmet polish dog from a local hot dog shack. It has secret sauce, chopped white onions, sauerkraut, banana peppers, a dill pickle wedge, wrapped in a bun from a local bakery. Heart burn city, but it made many a man happy.

The cake: Funny story actually. I go to Costco to pick it up and it's got just the tan circle in the middle of the cake. No sprinkles. Nothin'. So being short on time, I take it home, and my brother and his wife, who is actually a wedding planner, decorate the rest of it. The ran to the store and got sprinkles, donuts, frosting for writing, the toy pigs and police toys. I think they did a pretty good job!
Here's HF talking to Daisy after the ceremony. He might make me take this off, but as you can see, I erased the info on his patch. I have no idea how to edit a photo, but I clicked on the eraser and crudely did away with his patch.

Okay. Let's get down to the nitty gritty.

HF was at the station Friday afternoon getting dressed and ready for the ceremony. We were going to meet him there, but he stopped at home on his way. It was the first time I saw him in full dress. My mouth gaped open and my eyes grew wide. I had no idea that seeing him in his uniform could cause such flutterings of the heart.

When we got to the ballroom, I had a great view of him the entire time because he was seated with the directors and other keynote speakers because he was giving the class speech. The cadets were all seated in the front couple of rows on the floor. When they called a cadet's name to come forward to receive their certificates, they would sit up on the stand facing the crowd. When it was HF's turn, his chief, and my brother (deputy dan) presented him his certificate. Then came the portion of the program where they awarded special awards to the cadets for specific achievements. For being the class leader, HF was given a gold, star-shaped paper weight with his name engraved, the date, and name of the academy and session. He was also given a benchmade griptonian (?) knife that he was really excited to get because I guess he had his eye on it or one just like it. The rest of the awards were given out for specific achievements.

1. Top Gun (the best shooter)
   
2. High Academic Award
   
3. (name of fallen officer) Memorial Professionalism and Ethical Behavior Award (AKA: the Honor Man- voted by the graduating class through secret ballet)
   
4. Outstanding Achiever (which is all around best in all categories)

Here's where it gets good. HF took every single award given except for the Top Gun! The guy who got that was a competition shooter for the majority of his life, so it would've been HF if it weren't for him. . . just sayin'.

It was amazing. They just kept calling his name. He was visibly touched by this which was so nice to see. It was really sweet when he received the Honor Man award which is chosen by the class. He looked over at his class and just shook his head in disbelief. He was really overcome by it all. I felt bad for the rest of the class for a second, but HF really deserved it. I was extremely proud and touched. It was obvious also that his classmates were happy for him and that they love him. They really bonded as a class and helped and looked out for one another. After the ceremony he was given another award. The director came up to him and said, "There's actually one more award for you, but I felt bad so I waited to give it to you afterwards". It was the Director's List award. He had the highest certification test score and earned a spot on the Director's list!

They played a fun game at the end of the ceremony where they called out a fact about any given cadet and whoever it was about they had to stand up and the audience would clap. I found out that a couple of the cadets had served in the military and most recently in Iraq. I was pleased to see that they got a standing ovation. I also got to see CJ in action! There will definitely be more CJ stories. HF had a lot of nicknames like General, Major, Seargant Major, Captain, etc.

Then he gave the class speech. It was pretty short, but he did an excellent job. He's not the type that gets nervous in front of people, and he can also improv if he has to. Maybe I'll see if I can post the speech later with his permission. Then we came home with family and friends and had cake. He got a few gifts. An off duty holster, handcuff carrier, a badge clip, a possee box, handcuffs, dinero, etc. My brother got him a box of Krispy Kremes so he could have his 'first' donut as a cop.

On Saturday, he went shooting with his brother. Then around noon we had a BBQ provided by his favorite gourmet hot dog shack, fruit, chips, drinks, salads, more cake, the kids played at the park, there was crime scene tape wrapped around our eating area, black plastic tablecloths with body outlines, some police themed toys for the kids to play with (cop and robber bobble heads, police figurines, a giant magnifying class that they quickly put to use "burning" things (now our 3 year old steers clear of it because he thinks it will burn him), that's all I can think of. I'm sorry I wasn't able to put more pictures of the ceremony and other things in here as we have elected to remain anonymous so far.

It was the perfect weekend. An amazing ceremony, where HF was recognized for the amazing person he is, good friends and family, good food, a new job, a raise, etc. etc.. We feel truly blessed and happy right now. What a great feeling right now in this transistion. This new chapter in our lives.

Favorite thing heard on Friday nightafter the ceremony?

Our 6 year old daughter said, "Today is the best day of my life".

academy update

This is all that's left in the academy pretty much:

• April 22nd & 23rd- Critical Incident Response (AKA Active Gunman)
• April 24th- Starts FTO
• April 25th- Firearms
• April27th- Night Shoot
• April 30th- Certification Testing: Physical & Written
• May 2nd- Fun shoot (they can bring whatever guns and they will shoot for fun)
• May 4th- (Our anniversary) Class meeting (I think a dress rehearsal so to speak)
• May 8th- Graduation
  

HF has been selected, or elected, by his classmates to give the class speech. I've been calling him the valedictorian. I don't know if they actually use that term for the academy graduation, but that's what I've been calling him.

I'm so excited. Not only that the end is near, but whatever dates not listed above between the 22nd and the 8th, are days off! Except he'll probably need to study and be busy getting other things in order. And then there's FTO. Either way, we're excited.

more quotable quotes

Here are some more life-changing sayings HF brought home from the academy:

"After you graduate, you'll know just enough to get your @$$ kicked."

"Kick @$$, Take Names, Dominate, and own real estate." (whatever that means!!!???)

And my personal favorite: "If you look like food, you will be eaten."

I can't help it, but I picture HF's instructors looking like Chuck Norris or Steven Segal whenever HF relays one of these sayings to me. I know, these are meant to help the cadets out and keep them in check, but that's just a little insight into my mind/sense of humor. Everything HF tells me about the academy is played out in my mind with the following actors:

1. Chuck Norris
2. Steven Segal
3. Charles Bronson
4. Clint Eastwood
5. Steve McQueen
6. Mr. Miyagi
7. the bad ex-military sensei in charge of all the cobra kai's
8. Rex, as in Rex Kwan Do from Napoleon Dynamite
   

You get the point. If only HF knew the suspense and excitement going on in my mind while he's filling me in about his day in the academy!

dying for a normal conversation

Here's more proof that HF's mind is in another place. This is a conversation we had before he left to go to class.

Me: I wish that it was only the academy that you had to go to. Not work also. I can't wait until you are just working and then I can't wait until you have a 2 week vacation. . .

HF: It's called paid administration leave because I shot someone.

Me: Okay. . . actually I was thinking that it would just be like a normal paid vacation and not a vacation because you shot someone. Hey! I think I'm gonna go shoot someone 'cause I could really use a vacation about now. Like that's the only time you get work off.

HF: (laughs)

I wonder if paid administration leave is something they discussed the day before in the academy.

Vacation will have to wait. HF will be starting his FTOing on the 24th of April. He graduates on May 8th. Just 34 more days! He is being fitted for his body armor and uniforms right now as we speak. He's excited. He left grinning from ear to ear.

First of Four

HF had the first of four shooting qualifications. Passing is 200. Perfect is 250. What's the verdict?


He got 247.


The Chief talked to him this morning and wants to start FTOing him now before he graduates. He's going to have him fitted for his uniforms this week. He will graduate in the department's uniform, not the academy uniform.

Also, the instructors at the academy told HF last week that they are impressed with him. They said he is a natural leader, and has excellent natural instincts among other things. They split into two groups at the academy. HF is the class leader over one of these groups. Come to find out, HF has been taking control. He has his group show up extra early so they can help each other out. They help each other look the right way, stand in formation, if one of the guys forgot to bring a notebook, he has everyone take out a few papers from each of their notebooks and share with the forgetful one so that he doesn't get disciplined. If one person messes up, the whole group is punished. Also, there have been days when the instructors don't show up, and HF takes over and leads a PT class or a discussion. His classmates love him and respect him and let him lead. They affectionately call him Chief ______ (our last name).

I'm just impressed with him. That's all I can say. He's such a good person and he always knows what to do. He's a leader in his family (parents and a brother and a sister) and he's an excellent partner/leader/father/friend in our own little family. He'll go far. I love him and could never say enough good about him. It sort of makes the fact that he never rinses off his dishes seem insignificant. Sort of.

eat, breathe, and sleep the academy

HF is totally consumed in the academy, which is a good thing. He said that he feels like his senses are heightened and he hears the shouting commands of the instructors constantly in his head. I've heard that is normal. He also looks like he's been beaten up. He has permanent dark circles under his eyes and looks like he could pass out any second, which he very well could. In the mornings when he gets home from working graves, he staggers into the house, makes his way up the stairs, and falls face down on the bed and is asleep almost immediately. A few hours later he is up and at it again. I'm so proud and grateful for all his hard work. And I am trying to do my best to take care of him and not be too much of a nusiance. There have been the ocassional eager, "HI! I'M WAKING YOU UP NOW BECAUSE I CAN'T BE ALONE WITH THE KIDS FOR ONE MORE SECOND OR I'LL LOSE MY MIND!" But that's not very often.

Anyway. HF has always been an active sleeper. He'll talk, laugh, jerk around or kick--VERY active sleeper. Once, after being married just a few weeks, I woke up to HF leaning over me. It seemed like he was poking at my face. I started slapping his hands away and trying to shove him away from me. Finally, after one unsuccessful attempt after another, he plopped back onto his back and then rolled over and away from me. In the morning, I asked him what he had dreamed of the previous night. He got all excited and said, "It was the weirdest dream! I dreamed that I was bowling, but instead of bowling balls, it was skulls!" So then I knew that he was indeed trying to stick his fingers up my nose and bowl my head in his sleep. I told him what he had done and we laughed about it.

I only sleep with HF on Friday and Saturday nights. The other nights he is working and then sleeping in during the day time. When I go into our bedroom in the late afternoon, the sheets and blankets are all balled up, and the pillows are mangled. Well, last night I found out why. I'm spooning him when suddenly he crunches into a ball and starts elbowing and kicking his legs. He was fighting with someone in his sleep! I backed off and let him finish his fight dream and then I spooned him again when it was over and went back to sleep.

While I'm amused right now with HF's active sleep, I really don't want to punched or strangled. Maybe this will become normal like everything else. Hopefully it won't escalate to more than the occasional scuffle.

I'm Back

Sorry I haven't posted this past week. Our computer has been on the fritz but we've managed to fix it, thanks to one of HF's academy friends. He's a nerd. I call him my foster child because he's always around and he's been around for the past 6 years. I don't think he'll go away anytime soon and now he's going to be a cop just like HF so there's that whole bonding thing, great.

HF had his first official day of scenario practicals. He was introduced to yet another group of instructors all of which could best be described as “super cops.” They were intimidating to say the least. Basically HF and his classmates had to divide up into little squads and rotate through 4 stations, each containing a different scenario they had to deal with. By the end of the day all of the students felt miserable. HF said that everyone’s brains shut down on them and they totally forgot what little law they knew. The instructors said that this was normal for the first day and “encouraged,” everyone to study up on their law. HF felt pretty dejected when he came home but he did have this one realization: The day wasn’t a failure. The instructors told them that even though they screwed up a lot, it was only day 1 of that training and that if they learned something at each station, then the training was a win for them. The instructors want them to make their mistakes in training so they learn from them and don’t make the same mistakes again in the real world.

CJ update:

In the last two weeks CJ has made it clear to the instructors that she doesn’t like it when they use the “F word,” which causes them to use it more and direct it at her, much to everyone else’s amusement. I don't like "the F word," either, but that's what happens in the academy and in the real world, right?

That’s all I got for now.

guns n things

Last week, Mr. Fuzz started the firearms portion of the academy. I would say he is the most physically drained now than ever before. On the first day of shooting (at the academy), he was getting ready to go, and I noticed how sweaty he was. I said, "You're sweating! Are you nervous?" He said he was actually. I was surprised, but when I asked him why it made perfect sense why he was sweating. I would be too. Turns out, the poor guy was a little nervous about being shot by CJ, or someone like her. Up until now, he has been shooting at the range with a few people from the police department, and he was a little apprehensive about shooting with the whole group. When he came home he said that CJ had 3 instructors on her pretty much the whole time. They aren't aware of her shenanigans from the weekly department shooting, but I think they could just tell how she might be with a gun just from what she has already displayed in the academy.

The gun scenarios have been physically grueling in that the instructors had the cadets stand holding their gun on target as long as possible. Additionally, the instructors made the cadets do sprints, pushups, and situps in gravel followed by combat breathing excercises. They did this for four hours straight amid the instructors screaming at them. The other scenario based training they have done is a fire fight simulation called "laser shot," where the cadets face a video projection and interact with suspects while an instructor manipulates the reactions of the people on the screen. The cadets are equipped with a fake glock or 1911 with a laser inside it that they can use to engage suspects should they need to.

Here's where I brag. The laser shot instructor said that he has good natural instincts. The shoot, don't shoot scenario he passed the first time and he said that no one ever does that. He has also been told that he has really good verbal and communication skills and that he establishes command and control immediately.

He's going to be a good cop.

More CJ updates tomorrow.

weekly academy update

With a little more than 2 months left in the academy, they have decided to start the drill sergeant/militaristic style of training. I'm assuming it's because they are starting firearms training. I'm a little worried and curious to see how Hot Fuzz handles the berating and belittling. I'm all for that method of police training though.

He has been given a laundry list of supplies and items needed by next week in addition to the laundry list of things he's already had to purchase and the laundry list of things yet to purchase by the time he graduates. . . I have a feeling he'll always need something, and it's most likely that his department won't supply it. Right now he just needs to purchase shooting glasses and a large duffel bag for all his stuff. They have asked the cadets to not arrive at the academy or leave the academy in their uniforms because of personal safety. Unfortunately, my mind likes to wander at this point and then I cringe. And then I put it in the back of my mind and try not to think about it anymore.

They also recommended a couple of books: On Combat and On Killing by Dave Grossman. Also, an officer that he works with that is on the brink of retirement gave him a bunch of his old books. I wonder if they are still applicable or if they are just completely outdated. It was still a nice gesture. It looks like they are intended for the administration-minded officer. Any book recommendations out there for either myself or the cop? I've been hearing a lot about "I Love a Cop" and I think I will definitely look into that. Here's the stack of books the officer gave him.


HF has been helping CJ a lot this week. He said that when they were practicing scenarios and she would go to draw her gun, her belt was so loose, that when she would try and lift her gun out, the belt would go up in the air with her gun as she struggled to get it out. She was saying things like, "my belt's too big!" or "I lost weight and my pants are all baggy now!". He would try to explain to her why she needs a belt that fits and she would just argue with him until he grabbed ahold of her belt on each side of her and basically spun the belt around her waist while she was wearing it to show her how ridiculously loose it was. It didn't seem to make sense to her why an officer would wear their pants and their belt a certain way. Even though this has all been explained to them at the beginning of the academy. Maybe it would all make sense when she is forced to shoot someone, but can't get her gun out and they shoot her instead. SCARY. Everything he tells me about this girl, I've either seen on Charlie's Angels or an old black and white western.

Well I'm off. I have to do laundry. I want to cry because HF just informed me that he has to have creases in his shirts and pants from now on and I don't do creases. Thank goodness his department he'll be working for has free dry cleaning service. This has been a long week and I have a feeling it's going to be an even longer next couple of weeks.

graduation party

I have been planning a party for Hot Fuzz's graduation. I met another wife on a forum that recently threw a party for her husband. She's been helping me with tons of ideas. It's pretty much going to be over the top and it will probably embarrass HF, but I come from a family that never celebrated ANYTHING, so I like to go above and beyond when we mark a milestone in our lives. Here's what I have so far (if anyone has any great party ideas, let me know):

1. Invitations: Look like a subpeona (my father-in-law is majorly paranoid and he'll probably think it's for real when he gets this in the mail)
2. Decorations: Police line tape, chalk outlines around the house (with tape instead of chalk of course), a line-up corner for mug shots. I'll have butcher paper or something to do the height measurements, and guests can write their names and a congratulatory note to HF on a small dry erase board to hold in their pictures. Blue and red police beacons?
3. Food: cake made to look like his department's badge, depending on the weather-a BBQ. I'm still working out the food and drink ideas. I think I've seen at party stores police themed plates and napkins.
4. Games: "Guess that Cop". Have on the wall 50 pictures of famous historical, fictional, and tv cops (John McClaine from Die Hard, 21-Jumpstreet, Barney Fife, Inspector Gadget, etc.) We'll see how many people can name. Also, a donut-eating contest or donut game. Funny but true laws. I can't believe some of the laws in my state.
5. Gifts/Party favors: handcuffs, police hats, police whistles, and badges for the kids or anyone else who might want them.

I need to figure out a nice graduation gift for him. I found something I thought was cool. It's called a Lock-Write. It's a pen and a cuff key! I don't know if he would actually use it, but maybe. I was also thinking about getting him a digital voice recorder with USB connectivity. He mentioned needing one of these. Does anyone have anything to say about those?

I can't believe all the equipment an officer has to get on his own without the assistance of the department!! It's a good thing cops get paid a million dollars, otherwise we wouldn't be able to afford it all.

Stop! Police! I'm Serious!

Hot Fuzz passed his arrest control defensive tactics final examination. He took 2 days off of work to recover physically. He needed sleep since he is working graves and then attending the academy, and he wasn't hydrating properly, or eating properly, so it's been good to see him get some much needed rest and nourishment. His schedule has made it difficult for him to eat and drink at the right times. He started doing protein shakes and vitamins again and that is helping a ton. I was loving him being home because I was able to go get my hair did and some other things to help me out of my post baby slump and frump. More importantly, I was able to go to the eye doctor and get an eye exam. It's been 10 years at least! They wondered how I even made it to my appointment without glasses. But hey, when you know your city like the back of your hand, who needs glasses?

I know you all love my Calamity Jane updates, or CJ as I'll now refer to her. In her latest scenario, she drew her gun, pointed it up at the ceiling, Charlie's Angels style, and then lowered at the "suspect" and shouted, "STOP! POLICE! I'M SERIOUS!!"

What do you think? If you were the bad guy, and an officer shouted, "I'M SERIOUS!", would you stop? I'm still laughing about this. One guy in HF's class even said, "When I'm feeling really badly about myself and I'm at my lowest, I just think about her saying this. Then I feel better."

About the Academy

I've had this stereotype of the academy in my mind. Probably from television, but I've pictured some kind of a drill seargent belittling and swearing in the faces of these hopeful would-be cops, and people being thrown out on a whim and being reduced to tears. Maybe it's like that in some academies. I don't know. My desire for drama wishes that were true in HF's academy. Mostly, I have been curious why Calamity Jane and others that do some pretty crazy things haven't been dismissed. He explained to me how it's done in our state. I thought you might find his explanation interesting. I'm also curious if it's done like this anywhere else.

In our state you have the centralized POST academy. In addition to that the state has authorized several satellite academies at various universities and colleges throughout the state. If a department hires you before you get certified, then they send you to the main POST academy. There you get trained full time, five days a week, and you get paid. Most officers in our state sponsor themselves through one of the satellite academies.

Through a satellite academy, students attend the POST certification training for course credit. The satellite academies host classes five days a week in the evenings and all day on Saturdays. Putting yourself through the academy takes approximately twelve months to accomplish with the curriculum being divided into two sessions: The first session lasts three months then there is a four month break. After the break the second session lasts five months and culminates in the student being awarded their certification to be a peace officer anywhere in the state.

So a program that consists of eight months of instruction takes a year to accomplish because of the break between sessions whereas if you get sponsored by a department and sent to the main POST academy it takes you considerably less time. On top of all that when you go through a satellite academy you have to pay your own way and it's expensive.

As a result of this set up it benefits most departments financially to not sponsor anyone through the academy. The majority of the officers in our state sponsored themselves through the academy without the guarantee of a job waiting for them at the end of their training.

There are some benefits and drawbacks to this arrangement in our state. The benefit is that you get a lot of really dedicated people who want to be cops. The sacrifice required acts as a form of filter that weeds out the un-dedicated. Unfortunately, once someone pays their tuition, it is very difficult to get kicked out of the satellite academies because they're doing it through a college or university and have paid for a service. The only way they can get the boot is if they violate rules of conduct or some other extenuating circumstance where the director asks them to leave and refunds them their money. The other drawback is that just about anyone can get into the satellite academies and get access to training that you wouldn't want everyone to have. Yes, the office of POST reviews the applications to the class and some people get weeded out during the initial background checks but others who wouldn't necessarily be great cops get through. A benefit to combat problem people getting hired on is with the embedded peer review system. At the end of each session class members review each other and their anonymous reviews are kept on file with the academy. When a graduate applies for a job with an agency, those in charge of hiring typically call the academy and get access to the peer reviews. This undoubtedly poses its own set of problems but that's how it is here in our state. It's far from perfect but it's the system we have to operate in.

Calamity Jane Update

Calamity Jane is what I'm calling the girl that had the AD at the shooting range. There's been more shooting range fun. She continues to cover the muzzle with her hand, and covering the eject port with her hand when racking the slide (is that the right term?) My favorite is when HF told me that she was shooting like a Charlie's Angel. She was standing with one leg forward and bent a little. After she shot, she brought the gun up to her face to blow off the smoke, just like in a cheesy movie and said, "YES." Except, she was pointing the barrel of the gun at her nose and not straight up in the air. The instructor explained to her that the only reason actors shoot like that in movies is for product placement and so you can see the gorgeous actor's face. You obviously can't shoot like that on the job.

At the academy, they were doing scenarios where the cop had to get a suspect to do what they wanted. During her scenario, her suspect began walking away, and she stood there with her feet together, leaning forward with one fist on her hip and the other wiggling her baton in his direction saying, "Hey. You get back here Mister!" just like you would to a child. Of course, everyone is cracking up. Then during her critique, she argued with the instructors about what she did wrong, and then saw her family in the hallway, and walked out in the middle of her critique. I guess she got reemed by the instructors pretty good and warned that if she did anything like this again she would be gone.

On a positive note, HF said that she's been doing better and accepting criticism and instruction better from others. He also said that she's improving overall. Maybe finally taking things seriously. I'm still scared that she is going to kill somebody though.

Valentine's weekend

As I'm typing this, our neighbor, who lives in NYC, and only shows up once a year to visit and stay in his townhouse, is playing the piano. HF and I are playing "name that tune". So far, we have The Beach Boys' "Cocomo", The Righteous Brothers' "Unchained Melody", and Louis Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World". Sounds like they have The World's Greatest Hits music book. I think Unchained Melody is his favorite. He's playing it over and over and over again.

On Valentine's Day, Hot Fuzz had academy, but only until noon! Even though we aren't big on celebrating Valentine's Day, it was exciting to have him home for most of the day Saturday. He said that they did more ground fighting. They did a drill where the cop was at the bottom and a "bad" guy on top. The cop had 10 seconds to get the bad guy off before the instructor sent in another bad guy. He won each time. Something about bridging and arching, or an oompa? Whatever all that means. Then when he got the guy off of him, he stood up and got his gun out, and told the incoming bad guy to get on the ground. He had a rubber knife and wouldn't drop it, so he shot him. He shot him by yelling, "Bang! Bang!"

We're not big into celebrating Valentine's, but we make it more of a big deal for the kids. In the morning, we made blueberry muffins in heart shaped muffin tins. They went so fast, this is the only picture I got.Then while HF was away, we made him his Valentine. His own blueberry mini loaf.


Sugar loaf seemed fitting for a cutsie-wootsie name to call him on V-Day. When he got home I took a nap and went shopping all by myself! When I got home he surprised me with a clean house, mopped floors and all. That's all I really want on Valentine's Day. A break from the kids and a clean house. It was pretty much the best day ever.

I forgot to mention that I had to give Luke, our 3 year old, the Heimlich tonight, or something like it. He always shoves way too much food in his mouth no matter how much we coach him on taking small bites and chewing it all up before eating more. It never works. Anyway, he was choking and not making a sound and I went over to him and dug as much as I could out with my finger. He still had something lodged back in his throat and so acting as quickly as I could, I just went behind him, put my arm in front of him and pushed him over my arm a bit and pounded his back. I don't know if that's right or not. I was trying to remember what I was supposed to do to a toddler in this situation. After it happened and I let myself cry in the fetal position for a few minutes, I realized that I didn't panic or freeze! I did everything I could calmly and quickly and so I was pretty proud of myself. But now he has to be supervised ALWAYS while he's eating until he goes to college.

just some thoughts on our busy life right now

Poor Hot Fuzz. He was so beat up last night when he got home. He said that they did one hour of PT and 3 hours of ground fighting. He said he definitely prefers doing the Arrest control and Defensive Tactics over ground fighting. During those three hours he was smashed, grabbed, rolled, and kicked in the crotch. It's so sad seeing him like this. Instead of coming home and being able to rest, he has to go straight to working graves. When he gets home he goes to bed and wakes up 7-8 hours later and does it all over again. I really feel for him. But he's lost some inches and his muscles are bigger. He looks good, except for the dark circles under his eyes. When we do get to see him, he's great about playing with the kids. He's been showing our 6 year old, Daisy, some Aikido moves that she can use if she's in stranger danger. A few days ago I heard her in the living room playing with Luke, saying things like, "Good job Luke!". When I asked her what she was doing, she said she was practicing her "taquito" moves and teaching Luke taquito as well. So cute. Now she stutters when saying Aikido because she's trying so hard not to say taquito.

On my end, I feel like a single mom except I'm not also working outside the home. I really have to give kudos to single parents out there that are working and caring for their children simultaneously. It wouldn't be so hard if there wasn't a tiny 3 month old in the picture because I'm up so much in the night with him, and not able to nap during the day when caring for Daisy and Luke, who no longer nap. Some days are great and I feel on top of things. I get HF's uniforms washed and dried, meals planned, there aren't any major messes, but after a few nights of being sleep-deprived, I feel a bit more like this during the day:

Jack Nicholson in the Shining incase you weren't sure.

It also might have something to do with all the snow everywhere too. I'm a born and raised California girl and I don't know what to do in this weather, even after 8 years of living here! So I basically hybernate until Spring, thus the Shining.

This is a typical day for me.

7 am-feed the baby
7:30-run on treadmill, HF gives kids breakfast
8 am- shower, get ready for day, HF takes Daisy to school
8:30-HF goes to bed
9 am-I play with Luke, do a load of laundry
10 - more laundry, cleanup kitchen, feed baby
11- pick up Daisy from school
11:30-lunchtime
12 pm-errands/activities with the kids
1 pm-time to feed baby again
2 pm- more cleaning/office work for me while kids play
3 pm-get HF's food for the day ready
4 pm- make dinner/feed baby/feed kids/HF gets up
5 pm- bath time for kids
6 pm- story time/play time/cuddle time/getting clothes out for next day
7 pm- bed time for Luke/feed baby/homework and reading with Daisy
8 pm- all kids in bed/ free time for me

I have all these projects once the kids are in bed, but I usually take a few minutes to enjoy being kidless by watching a show on tv or getting online, then I make dinner for me and Hot Fuzz before he has to leave for work. Then I feed the baby again around 11 pm and then wake up sitting up or slumped over and shuffle off to bed just to get up a few times through the night.

TIRED. But we're doing pretty good. We've had lots of visits from friends and family lately. And we've even been able to get a babysitter and go out on Saturday nights when HF is home! I'd say we're pretty lucky despite it all. Now if I could only get to the dentist, the hair salon, and the optometrist. And it would be nice to buy some clothes that are not maternity clothes. I'm not willing to take all 3 kids to these places.

target practice

Hot Fuzz's future department has been taking him shooting once a week for the past 6 months. They want him to do well when he starts the shooting portion of the academy. This is one of his targets from early on. He used a glock 22 from 15 yards away. He was aiming for the tape in the center. What I don't have pictured is a little piece of paper with a dime-sized dot that he hit square and center from 21 feet. It was posted on another target. He said that when he shot it, the range master told everyone to cease fire and come check it out. They had him date it, mark the distance, and sign it. That's why I don't have it pictured. Hot Fuzz wants to remain completely anonymous. Even his messy and illegible signature could "give too much away". And he doesn't want to brag about it. Because he's never satisfied. "I can always do better on the range". I guess that's what I'm here for. To do all the bragging.

Another thing. I'm aware, all you English majors out there, that I have violated multiple rules such as starting sentences with 'And', 'Because', and 'But'. I tend to do that. I think because I talk like that.

I just realized that there are dirty diapers pictured in the above photo. Sorry about that. This is by the front door and the diapers were on their way out. Eventually.

reality setting in. . .

Everything's just fine and dandy and then I read this, and I'm thinking, "OMG!" And then I read this, and I'm really thinking, "OMG!", and then HF tells me that one of the officers in the department he dispatches for had a recent incident where a kid that was kicked out of the academy shows up at his home with a gun while he's outside with his wife and kids. He was mad and wanted to have a suicide by cop. Nothing came of it luckily, but all of this has got me thinking.

1. You never know if someone has a bone to pick with your husband and how far they are willing to take it.

2. How can you be completely prepared for any given situation without being paranoid and crazy, which I already have a natural tendency for. I already have an active imagination as it is. I can't do laundry in our basement without imagining that a 6 ft. rat is waiting for me, ready to pounce on me and eat my face off. I don't want to think that every time I open my door that someone is waiting to "get even" with HF, you know?

3. Should I get a concealed weapons permit?

4. Is there some kind of guidebook for families of a LEO?!

My husband has been talking about setting up code words or sentences. I guess if we are prepared then we don't need to worry. Right?!

Do any of you wives have gun permits? Or take self-defense classes? I always thought that having a cop car parked in front of your house was an added measure of protection, sending out a silent warning to would be "bad guys", but obviously that's not always the case.

I'm kind of freaking out right now! Obviously everything is heightened in my mind and in my heart because this is where my life is headed and I am thinking of HF and paying attention to every single "scary" story I hear. I guess this is partly why I am blogging. Getting it all out. Looking for others in Law enforcement and the like.

wait a second!

I honestly don't worry about HF being a cop that much. That is until reading other police blogs, paying attention to the news, and searching for other police related websites!!! There is so much negativity out there, and my eyes have kind of been opened up to those negative aspects of life as a law enforcement officer, or even as the wife of a law enforcement officer. I probably should stay away from the websites, blogs, and news sources that give me reason to panic, but it's also good to know what's out there. It saddens me that there is a seemingly large population of people that "hate" police. It's also sad that there may be officers that give people good reason to hate police. I can't hide from it all obviously, but I hope to compartmentalize all that and find ways to remain positive and enjoy my life as a cop's wife and the others that will become my family so to speak.

Having said all that, this is what made me panic this week. My husband already has a job with a department even though he's still in the academy. Once a week, an officer takes him to the shooting range for training. They want him to be "the best" in the academy to represent their department or whatever. There's a girl that they have started training as well, but it's obvious already that her heart is not in it at all. She shows up at the range wearing high heeled fashion boots over her skinny jeans and a cute furry jacket. Do you really need to get all dolled up when you are training at a shooting range? Anyway, it's the little things HF tells me. When they are cleaning guns she's pointing the gun at everyone's faces, not paying attention to what she's doing, not knowing how anything works, etc. But this is what kills me. On Thursday, she had an accidental discharge and HF is standing right next to her. She wouldn't take her finger of the trigger, and listen to the commands being shouted at her for safety's sake.

So this is one of the first things that have given me cause to feel panic, and he's not even graduated the academy yet. I'm not supposed to worry about my husband's safety when he's with his fellow "officers". This was the last thing I would've worried about until now. I would worry more if he were partnered up with this girl than I would with him going head first into some kind of active shooter situation, you know? So of course I was kind of freaking out for about a day. But I'm sort of over it now. I'm all for girls being cops and everything, but this seems more like Barbie trying to prove something and not doing a very good job of it. I also understand that it takes practice and experience, but something tells me that that's not always good enough. Is this someone I want watching HF's back in any given situation? Not so far. Now I pray that my husband makes it through the academy alive because of the potential dunces he's surrounded by. And only time will tell. She more than likely won't make it all the way, or she'll smarten up and figure things out. But seriously, he could've gotten shot by this girl by accident the other day.

If this is causing me to need oxygen? I'm in for it, huh.

good times

Maybe this will bring back "fond" memories to those of you that have been through this already. My husband (HF) is currently in the academy and doing well. He is getting into excellent shape, but right now he is like a beaten man. He comes home bruised and battered, and is sore, sore, sore! If I touch him it hurts, if he moves it hurts. Everything just hurts. It's kind of sad. We're quite the pair right now. He is sore and tired from his brutal schedule (he works graves and goes to the academy), and I am sore and tired because I am home with 3 little ones, one that is fairly brand new. When we get a few moments together, or when he is here overnight on his 2 days off, we are too tired to make out. It's so sad. I can't wait for this to be over. I go to my happy place a lot. It's somewhere sunny with an ocean. I lay on the hot sand listening to the waves crash. I'm serious. I really do this.

When HF is home for a few minutes or couple hours on a good day, our conversations are all about the law, or he is practicing arrest control. Each scenario begins with something like, "Come at me like you've got a knife". Sometimes he does dry fire drills. He brings home his targets so I can see how well he shoots. He's good! A couple nights ago he came home and said he was given a nickname. "Sultan of swing". I guess he did some impressive swinging of the baton. Yesterday they got to practice using the breathilizer on volunteer "drunks". He said I need to let him practice on me.

All in all, I still feel the same way. Excited for him to be doing what he feels is the right career choice, confident that he will be safe and protected. A lot of my faith and devotion to God has a lot to do with that, but I really don't have many issues with his choice in career. Maybe some of you are thinking, "Oh, but you will". I guess we'll see.

baby steps to May

My husband (Hot Fuzz) was born to be a cop. He's waited a long time to do this. He's 30 years old, and has sacrificed a lot. We both finished our 4 year degrees and started a family. We just had our 3rd child in October, and he will finish the academy in May. He's at the top of his class, an excellent shooter, already has a job lined up, and looks super hot in his Sam Brown belt. A lot of people ask me if I'm worried about him being cop, and you know what? I'm actually not. I know this is what he was meant to do and he's waited a long time to do it. I have faith and confidence in his ability and feel certain that he will be watched over and protected. I love the support I've found out there for police wives and love the family nature of his department he will be working for. I'm looking forward to all the opportunities he will get. The only thing I don't like right now is how little we see him. He works a full time job as a dispatcher right now from 11 pm to 7 am and then sleeps until 3:30 pm, wakes up, showers, eats, and then heads to the academy until it's time for him to go to work again. He is so busy and so tired. I am tired because I have a 6 year old, a 3 year old, and a 2 month old. I'm not getting much sleep either. So baby steps to May when life will settle down somewhat.