LEO Gift Guide: Coffee Mugs

We are looking for a coffee mug cubby to hang up on the wall in our kitchen. So far I am loving this one from etsy that I found, but with maybe enough slots for 12 mugs. We have a few mugs that we love from places we've been, or that have been father's day gifts, etc. I have been on the lookout for some funny LEO related mugs. Here are a few I've found online that I am mulling over getting for HF. Which is your favorite?

 Trust Me I'm A Cop from Amazon

 Thin Blue Line Flag from Amazon

 Gun Mug from here

 I heart Swat mug 

 This might be my fave: I like Big Busts 

 Nacho Average Cop Mug

Poe Poe Mug

World's Okayest PO Mug

Eat Sleep SWAT repeat Mug

things kids of cops do

Gun layouts.

Beau: Mom, will you take a picture of some of my guns?

Me: Why?

Beau: Cuz it looks cool!

#ilearneditfromwatchingyoudad

Sparkie

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We were driving in HF's police car and I opened a letter from our daughter, which happened to contain A LOT of glitter. Before I realized what I was doing, I instinctively blew it out of the card and GLITTER BOMBED HF's car. Yes, yes I did. I knew I'd made a mistake as soon as I blew and I felt terrible, but I can't. stop. laughing. HF? Not so much. You should've seen his face. I have a feeling he will find magical sparkly dust for months to come. We vacuumed as well as we could, but who knows what will happen when he turns on the A/C. . . Any clever new nicknames for the detective or his car? I was thinking Glitter Cop, Detective Sparkle, or Sparkie, for short. 😂

apology cakes

I was feeling like Deb the Downer when HF got home from work. I kept my thoughts to myself, but I was grouchy because it'd been FOREVER since we'd seen him (you know how shift work is and extra jobs). I didn't want to talk about it because it would just start an argument and make us both grumpy. And there's nothing I can do about his schedule. He started to tell me about an extra job he got invited to do the next morning during his day off. I clenched my jaw and rolled my eyes inwardly. Wanted to scream. Then he said, "I told him no. I said I haven't seen you or my kids in weeks and I needed to see you guys." I was so shocked touched by his thoughtfulness that my eyes unexpectedly filled up with tears.

Our crazy schedule makes feel like I am a big fat ZERO on his priority list, but in reality, I'm always on his mind. The kids are always on his mind. That's why he works as hard as he does. So I apologized for being a crabby patty and thought about making him an apology cake. What would your apology cake say? Here are some that mine might say:

SORRY FOR BEING A GROUCHY MCGROUCHERSON.

SORRY FOR EATING YOUR CANDY BAR.

SORRY FOR ALL THE CRUMBS IN BED.

SORRY FOR WRECKING THE CAR.

SORRY FOR ELBOWING YOU IN THE FACE IN BED.

Here are some great ones I found online:

Anyone else get mouthy during Mario Kart? No? Just me?  

This one is from a cop to a firefighter in Ohio! 

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Fuzz Funnies: The 12 Commandments

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Did you know that there are actually 12 commandments instead of 10? We were asking the kids if they knew what the 10 commandments were and our 10 year old thought about it and said, "Thou shalt not go to McDonald's", and "Thou shalt not bear false witness at a crime scene". Well, he's not entirely wrong..😂  

First Self Blame

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HF has had his share of complaints against him, mostly informal, but what came unexpectedly was his first self-blame. Early into the job, he had dealt with an unprecedented amount of suicides. He handled each case very well and effectively. He has dealt with suicide at an extremely personal level, as two of his family members have attempted suicide in the past and he intervened, saving their lives. Ten years into the job, like most cops, he has seen his share of tragedy and garbage, and while I believe he does his job well, that stuff starts to take a toll on you in different ways. Some cases hit too close to home. Some cases you take personally. Some cases are hard to let go.

Recently, at the suggestion of his lieutenant, he went to see a counselor regarding a recent case of his. When he told me the story of what had happened previously, it sounded like many of the other cases he has dealt with. Why did this one deliver such a blow to him emotionally? I am finding that cops, in general, compartmentalize, or put things in mental boxes. They have a reputation for being numb emotionally and detached for a reason. Sometimes there isn't any more room in these boxes and things come spilling out. That's why I think it is so important that cops have someone that they talk to professionally. Therapists can help you process it all.

It broke my heart to see HF struggling emotionally with this case and at the same time I was thanking my lucky stars that there was someone in place for him to see if he needs to. But there's also a risk with that. Why the stigma? Why is there shame associated with needing help? It isn't just in their profession, however, there seems to be some judgment, at least in the past, regarding cops and therapy. There has been a lot of attention as of late to this very issue. There have been one too many cop suicides. Whether it's job related, or more personal, was there help for these officers, or are they from a department that maybe isn't supportive of their officers getting the help they need? I hate to say it, but I have seen this. Even though it isn't said, it is widely looked down at certain departments, or a sign of weakness, if an officer needs help. Is that a fair assessment? They're supposed to be the ones helping, not the ones in need of help.

In the last few years, I've been very happy to see support for cops and their mental well-being. One of these in particular is:  Copline (1-800-COPLINE) There are others out there and of course national suicide prevention hotline, but I like that this hotline is answered by retired officers and that it is anonymous. Any information or opinions you have on this subject, I would love to hear about in the comments! Should spouses being going too? Together? Alone? What are your thoughts? I personally find it very helpful to talk to someone about HF's job that understands and can help me navigate. Some other police wives I've talked to recommend going to the same therapist, both separate and together. These are tough times for our LEOs and their families. We're in this together! 💙

Cool product alert

I have had this saved to my Pinterest board for some time now. I recently showed HF to see if it was something he would like/use. He LOVED it. This was shocking to me because he is so picky and we hardly like the same things. Anyway, it is called a Valet Dock Pro. It is made by Clearwater Stag Works. There are other styles out there, but this one is our favorite. Something functional that would organize his stuff on the nightstand and it looks nice too. This would be an awesome Christmas or Father's Day gift. On their website they have a 10% discount for law enforcement or military. What do you guys use to organize your stuff?

Police life = the poor life?

I saw this online the other day and not only did it make me laugh, but I thought, "F'reals tho!" How many times have you been driving down the road and you see an entertainment center, a sofa, anything at all with a FREE sign on it, and you really do slow down and do a double take?! I admit, I've done that more than a few times. Not only because it's a hobby to repurpose and update furniture, but because we don't have the money for all of the things! 

If one things is true it is this: Police do not get into policing for the money. I repeat: They don't do it for the money! Many police officers have side hustles, cover shifts, do overtime, special events, etc. to make ends meet. If they are married, their spouse 99.9% of the time is working as well so that they can afford to get by, especially if kids are in the picture. It's just a fact. Money is always a conversation. Always a stress. Always something that requires a lot of maneuvering. 

So why choose to be a police officer? Good question. It varies between one officer and the next. For HF, he was a little older when he decided to become a cop. Late twenties. We got married young and started our family. We finished our degrees with little kids in tow and worked at the same time. When we finished school and were making decisions about our future, law enforcement had always been one of his interests. Now that we are a decade into this profession, it's complicated. I can't speak for other LEOs and their families, but for us, we talk often about if he should keep doing what he's doing. Many things go under consideration: Money (notice I said money first), safety, physical health, mental health, climbing the ranks, office politics, city politics, and much more. 

I think in this day and age, for not just financial reasons, a lot of cops are getting out before retirement. We've seen this among our brothers and sisters here. We just don't get paid enough to be shot at, spit at, blamed, hated, etc. Sometimes it's a work related injury that forces you out. There's as many reasons as there are officers. 

What about you? Are you "poor" too? How do you make it work? 👮

let's talk about shifts, baby

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I never thought I would be saying this, but Hallelujah for the graveyard shift! Hallelujah for any shift but the cover shift. It's been a while since there's been a shift change 'round these parts, and I must say, excuse my French, the cover shift SUCKS!

Over the years I've gotten a feel for what the various shifts have to offer and I can't think of one good thing about the cover shift. It is my least favorite. HF's cover shift is from 7p to 3a, but he rarely makes it home before 5 am.  And he sleeps in the same as he would if he were on graves, waking up around 3 or 4 in the afternoon. With graves, he will be able to be with us in the evenings. This means dinner, bedtime rituals, maybe a little bit of a social life (I know, I know. In an ideal world...).

Announcement though! Coming up soon, HF will be switching to days. 4, glorious, 10-hour dayz. That means he will work SMTW with ThFS off! I have given up long ago on making plans around his work schedule, especially since days off always include meetings, SWAT callouts, training, etc. However, this shift schedule really does seem more family friendly, wouldn't you say?

For years now we have done life without my better half, and while the kids STILL ask where he is, or if he is home, or if he is going to be there, or is he coming with us, or when's dad home, etc. etc., I think we've done alright managing things without him. But I hope he feels all warm and fuzzy that he is missed and asked for even after all these years of being used to not having him.

Poll Results: Do you see a therapist?

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Do you see a therapist?

No. I don't need to 25% 

No, but I probably should 45%

Occasionally 6% 

Yes. For police related issues 2% 

Yes. For marriage counseling 7% 

Yes. For other reasons/issues 15%     

173 total votes

I put this poll up on the blog many months (years?) ago. There were only 173 participants and these are the results from their votes. I know it's only a small sampling, but I would love to see if there is a similar poll done on a larger scale. Most likely there is, since we know from many "experts" that divorce rate among LEOs is high, among other useful nuggets of information. I just haven't seen these studies and I want to. So I have to make my own for the time being. Basically, almost half of you that participated in this poll said they do not see a therapist but they probably should.