Tuesday, December 15, 2009

another one of those dilemmas

HF has had to miss family events and special occasions already in his short career as an LEO. During the academy was no exception. Now for the first time he has tomorrow evening free and there is a scheduling conflict. Our daughter, who is in 1st grade, has her Christmas program tomorrow night. After making plans to attend this a month or two ago, we find out that his department's Christmas party is also tomorrow night at the same exact time. We both have felt unsure if this is something he can forgo, or if being the new guy and such, is it a big deal if he skips out on his first Christmas party? Some of these parties might be very casual and optional for some departments. Some might be a big deal. We don't know if it's either. Does he go to his work party without me and miss our daughter's event? Does he skip the party and come with me to the school? WWYD? What would YOU do?! Sometimes it seems uncertain which one is more important. The social/work obligation? Or the family obligation.

15 comments:

911 and the Randomness.. said...

Here it depends who your Sgt is. Some it's no big deal and others it's the 'mandatory' type thing.
He should ask someone he trusts that's been around.
I'd pick my family over work. Sometimes that helps set the boundries for co-workers too.
When a new guy here picks his family, the other guys know he's happy at home and will respect that he's happily married.
Others that show they aren't so happy at home tend to fall in with the guys that are um, well, not my type.

OrdinaryLife said...

I think it is okay for your husband to speak to his superior and/or send an email stating that while he would like to attend, he has a prior family commitment. I would hope that any agency would recognize the importance of family over a work function.

Dori said...

Any reason why he can't do both? Show up for your daughter's program (because you know your family is first and foremost, right? You don't need to question that)leave after her part and make an appearance at his own party with or without the rest of you. Or are the two too far apart?

Either way...enjoy whichever you decide!!

Damsel Underdressed said...

I agree with Dori. I would see if there was some way of doing both. My guess is that the party would go later than the program? So go to the program first?

If there is no way to do both, I would say that he should speak to someone and just explain. It's not like he is calling off work. He's missing a party.

Erin said...

When Noah was in training, he asked one of his ride-along officers—a man who we now know to be a fantastic LEO—whether he spent a lot of time with his work buddies off-duty. He explained that he didn't; his family came first. With all the hours our guys put in actually at work, they shouldn't feel obligated to skip out on family stuff when they're off duty.

TM said...

I suggest just asking around. The guys there will know if it's acceptable to miss out on the party or not. He'll be able to feel it out and make a better, more comfortable decision. Chancho didn't attend his this year, but will be going to one held by a smaller group of coworkers.

I hope he can make it to see the Christmas program :)

LOUD n PROUD said...

I'm with Dori and Damsel-see if he can squeeze in the work party after the Christmas program,I'm pretty sure it will still be going on.

mrs. fuzz said...

I think he will try and hit it afterwards even if he has to leave a little early from our daughter's school. Even though our family comes first, especially if he's off duty, I think mostly he feels the work/social obligation because he is the new guy and wants to make a good impression and perhaps meet people he has not met, etc. And then I wonder does it make him look bad if his spouse doesn't come with him? Does it look like I don't support him?

Natalie said...

This is a tough question to answer because I know how important my hubby's job is to him! We also know that family comes first, but that doesn't necessarily mean it always happens.

Without overthinking, the first thing that comes to mind is that your daughter will never have another 1st grade Christmas program (yeah, she'll have a 2nd and 3rd, etc...) and in the long run, who's going to remember the most which one HF attended?

I agree with Dori to try to hit both of them. I think Daisy would understand because he made the effort to be there for some of it.

Let us know what you decided and how it went!

OrdinaryLife said...

That was a good suggestion from Dori...I am changing my answer to agree that you should go to both. About the "not supporting him" if you don't show up: I think that is a mixed bag. The people who talk to your husband and get his explanation of a family function as why you are absent will understand. The people he doesn't talk to will assume you aren't there by choice. So, just make sure he talks to everyone (haha!) and you'll be fine :)

Slamdunk said...

At my agency, is was large enough that there was not lots of pressure to attend parties and such.

I think there will always be another holiday/super bowl/st. patrick's day/other party, but the kid's stuff only happens once in a lifetime. Make the family event a priority and if the other piece falls into place for the agency get-together so be it.

Because of Love said...

I agree that he should try to hit both. Maybe do the program first and the party after. (That will probably go later.) However, at our house, family is ALWAYS first. Josh is really good about that.

Paula said...

I say that his daughter will only be young once and there will be many, many parties to go to...he should go to his daughter's program

Christopher said...

Family comes first when it comes to the optional "other" that always arises in law enforcement. If he explains the reason, his supervisors will understand. If not, he's working for the wrong agency.

KD said...

so....how did it all work out??