3 Years on the Job

We recently passed the three year mark as an LEO family. I thought I would do a little update as to how my life has changed in the last three years. You can see the previous years' posts here and here.

• I know which traffic cameras in our city are in use and which ones are otherwise disconnected.
• Thank the Lord after three years of HF dressing like "a cop", we have finally discovered the answer to cops and dressing stylish. It's called the Smart Carry Holster and a 9mm or 380 handgun. (Look at me talking shop!) More to come on this later...
• It is necessary to have a backup plan or two or three when planning your day because even though he said he would watch the kids, you know that's hogwash because he will either have some kind of training or overtime, or he will need to sleep from just coming off a 48 hour day. You know what I mean.
• Therapy for your cop and/or for you can be very helpful.
• He may be one tough mutha, but he is more senstive and good than you ever realized. Some of the cases he deals with will bother him or haunt him in more ways than one.
• Being on SWAT makes his muscles grow!
• While he may look like a cop to those in the know, he is definitely a lot calmer and less super duper hyper vigilant. Although he is prone to that kind of behavior prior to becoming a cop I must say.
• The hair is part of the uniform...
• I'm even less surprised by anything that happens or he tells me than I was before. My reactions are fewer and far between. 
• I am still okay with his career choice and his endeavors even when he has his doubts.
• Department politics are bad. And they are everywhere.
• Police wives for the most part are fitness fanatics just like their other halves.
• Police wife drama. Nuff said.
• On the contrary, Police wife support and networking is amazing!
• Haters gonna hate. It still never ceases to amaze me at the brazen hatred of the men and women in blue. That's why the support from those in the community amazes me just as much and is even more meaningful.
• His gear doth runneth over. Didn't I provide a closet for this? Then why is it in every nook and cranny of the house?
• As of April 2012, I have a current drivers license! (Some of you may remember that I was gallavanting around town without a valid license much to the horror and dismay of HF)
• We also just celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary. The adventure continues.

two years on the job

This cake is crazy! HF's graduation cake. You can walk down memory lane with me here.

I have neglected my blogging duties for quite some time now haven't I. There have been a couple of milestones. HF had his 2 year anniversary of becoming a police officer. Can you believe it's been 2 years?! We also celebrated our 9 year anniversary on May 4th.

Here is some of what HF has accomplished in two years:

• He's a R.A.D. basic instructor.
• He completed our state's  Peace Officers Standards and Training Instructor Program, which enables him to become a POST certified instructor for our state.
• He became First responder, First aid, Adult-child-infant CPR certified through both the American Heart Association and the Red Cross, and went through an EMT basic program.
• He successfully completed the Department of Homeland Security's online NIMS and ICS program.
• He graduated from the Center for Domestic Preparedness' COBRA program.
• He became a member of the SWAT Team.
• He completed a Multijursidictional Counterdrug Task Force Training on Inverviews and Body Language Techniques
• He completed the Verbal Judo course
• I must also add that he is now a biker! HF recently bought a motorcycle (a Suzuki Intruder 800) and has been gallivanting across the land. I've always loved a guy on a bike. Especially one with just a t-shirt and no protection and some cool shades, but remember HF is the safety first and rule keeper guy so he is leathered up and helmeted, and as you might guess I am not allowed to ride behind him (there's even a little seat for moi!) for 6 months or until he's comfortable! I guess I should appreciate his level headedness and all, but I've got my fantasies.
• Oh, and also he's less jumpy and hyper and I guess obvious is the word I'm looking for. He is much more relaxed and confident and calm. Read: No more personal bodyguard standing with his back to me as I get in the car, eyes darting in all directions. I mean, he's always been protective, but now he is much less intense about it all.

 Now. Here is some of what I have accomplished as a police wife in the past two years:

• I don't even flinch when I drive past or am parked next to a police car.
• I'm not shocked by anything
• I don't notice every little thing that HF is doing that is new to me or unusual. If I do notice it, I don't care.
• I still consider myself a rookie police wife because there is much to be seen or learned or dealt with.
• I can now roll with the punches. I still hate graves, but I can adjust to any schedule that HF finds himself on with finesse. I like that word finesse.
• I can sing Destiny Chid's Independent Woman and mean it (except he is my sugar daddy). I really have become an independent woman. I still need him and want him though. And I still need him to rescue me from our children on ocassion. . .
• I know which seat HF is going to choose to sit at when we go out, or which side to be on when we are walking so he can access his gun if needs be. This is done without much thought!
• I have learned to question later. If at all.
• I realize that even though the newness of LEO life that I blogged about so much in the beginning has worn off, it was an important process for me to go through as I learned to make sense of everything and transition into what would become our "new normal". I smile as I reflect on the early days and my inexperience and lack of full comprehension. But that beginning is so exciting and bizarre and mind opening and more, that blogging the journey helped me process that mixture of emotions (fear, excitement, pride, worry, etc.) and loneliness. I needed to know that others could relate and also tell me that it was normal (or not normal) and what to expect  in 5, 10, 20, or 30 years ahead.
• I also know that we won't ever have a steady pattern for the rest of his career even though in a way, it is a steady pattern or rhythm in way. Does this make sense?
• The importance of Dave Ramsey or other budget/debt elimination coaching

Some things I still need to work on:

• Technology. I still have a bad habit of not keeping my cell phone on or near me. This is a bad one!
• I still say things ocassionally like, "It's not a big deal!" or "Does that really matter though?" to his reasons for doing things (usually safety related).
• I need to stop reading the news! Especially the comment section where people who don't have any idea say all kinds of crazy stuff about cops.
• I need to not care or take so personally what friends/family say about cops in general.
• I still haven't taken care of that expired license thing...

This just in

HF has made the SWAT team.

We're gonna need a bigger closet. This is what the closet looked like 2 years ago:

Here's what it looked like today:

This is what we really need:

{image taken from here}

Except, you know that this men's closet wouldn't be filled with designer suits and drawers full of perfectly rolled ties. Each drawer would roll out and reveal a collection of knives, guns, grenades, etc. I think Jack Bauer has a room like this. Or it's his tricked out SUV that had the hideaway compartments of weapons. Maybe it's just HF, but I think that every guy wishes they had secret weapon rooms (press a panel on the wall in your closet and the wall flips around to reveal a bunker with flourescent lighting-guns of all types mounted to walls). This would actually be a very nice gear closet, wouldn't it? Someday HF. Someday. And now that I'm thinking about it, maybe I would like to have a drawer full of grenades. . .

a time in history that I would like to have far behind me

image from here

Well that was a big fat lie when HF said he was going to be posting this week. Sometimes he just flat out lies! Just kidding. The lack of posting is due to the aforementioned kidney stone issue which I thought was going to be the end of me. For real. It was nice however to lay low for a few days. One thing that I found quite amusing is that once when I came downstairs for water, I opened the fridge and all I saw were steaks and hot dogs and hamburgers. And that's pretty much it. I worried for my family's health, but went back to bed. HF blew through our allotted food budget money for 2 weeks in about 3 days. But that's okay. He was doing his best to hold the fort down. I always joke that he's like those guys in those Carl's Jr. commercials. "Without us, some guys would starve". Secretly I hope that he sees that what I do is kind of a big deal and without me he would literally starve or at the very least, be lost without me. Even though some of the aftermath leaves me with more to fix than I would like, I appreciate his part that he does to make our little family run.

The other reason for not posting in forever is because of major work-related drama. After many days of going going going, HF came home one afternoon after a particularly long day and I could tell that he was spent. He usually puts away his gear and other items, but today he dropped everything in a heap and stumbled upstairs to the shower. After his shower I listened for footsteps that would tell me that he was getting dressed and coming back downstairs, but I had a feeling that he would fall over on the bed and be out like a light. What happened next was automatic even though I never had to do it before. I checked over the gear he had plopped down and made sure that his gun was secured, and that anything else was put away or out of reach temporarily so that the kids wouldn't get into anything. Then I let him be. I told him later that I waited until I knew he was up to holler at the kids. It's true. As soon as I heard him walking around, I yelled at the kids. When he woke up, he was startled for a minute thinking that he hadn't put away his gun and other important things and I cut him off and said, "I know. I could tell you were going to crash so I checked everything and made sure". We didn't talk about it at all, but I tucked away that moment in my memory as one of our beautiful "in-synch" moments that remind me that we are "one".

These past few days have proven to be mentally and emotionally exhausting. Not to mention physically. After being encouraged to try out, HF completed the selection process for the swat team and was not happy with his performance. Everyone knows he is harder on himself than anyone else, but after hearing about his day, he did not perform as he would've liked to. He put it out of his mind, and I could tell he was relieved to have it behind him. We find out if he made the team soon.

HF's conclusion:

1. He doesn't make the team.  He tries out again next year.
2. He does make the team, and will spend the next few years proving himself all over again as the new guy. He would have to strive to be the best at everything; Shooting, physical fitness, etc.

Academy all over again anyone?

22 months on the job

image from here

It's been a while since I talked about what's going on with HF's job.

Patrol Update:
The usual: People feigning innocence, being jerks, lying, trying to ruin lives, etc. HF's department hired two new officers so he is no longer the lowest of the low. Ain't that somethin'. HF is testing a wireless microphone system that may be implemented for the entire patrol division. He is excited about that. I'll start sharing more patrol stories soon. They will include HF being asked out, people recording HF while he's interacting with others, being called a dirty cop, incredibly stupid people such as those riding skateboards and bikes and doing tricks on the police station's steps and rails and arguing with HF about it. "I didn't know that this was a police station", and other stupid quotes.

RAD Update:
HF is still a RAD instructor. He is not currently teaching any classes because of his new shift schedule, but assists when he can. A few weeks ago he gave an into class for a women's church group and that was a blast to see him in action as a teacher. He loves teaching and is good at it. He ended the class showing a couple of things that the women could do and they loved it. I think quite a few of them will end up signing up for RAD. That's the hardest thing for people to realize I think. They think that they can learn a couple of these techniques and call it good, but they don't realize that it's a lifetime endeavor and takes practice.

Besides HF getting the crap kicked out of him by a bunch of girls and coming home with bruises and welts, concussions and chipped teeth (yes, that's all with the red suit on), there is the ocassional happy story. One of the things that HF loves about teaching classes is that he gets to see transformations take place with these women. They start out weak and afraid, especially those who are survivors of rape or aggression. At the end of the class they are confident and strong. One of these girls, who is a rape survivor came back to class full of excitement. At the end of a date she was on, her date wouldn't take no for an answer (if you know what I mean), so she punched him in the nose, breaking his nose and screamed, "I SAID NO!" And she got out of there. I have never seen or met this girl and when HF told me about it, I was thrilled. That might sound strange to some of you to be thrilled that she broke somebody's nose, but for a woman, especially a rape survivor, to be able to do this is complete control over mind and body and it is a beautiful thing. It made my day to hear about this, and HF felt like what he's teaching them is worthwhile and important.

CJ Update:
It's true. She's back. Kind of. She has some kind of obsession with law enforcement and HF's agency specifically. Her current facebook status still says that she is a reserve detective for said department. Recently, she interviewed to become a dispatcher. Although we are still scratching out heads at how she landed the interview given her history with the department and her infamous FTO experience, she had an extensive interview. She brought elaborately decorated cupcakes for the entire center (which is nice) and HF's friend, who works in there said that she came in for a tour and said, "There sure is a lot of clicking going on in here!". Thankfully, her former FTO had sent a letter to the dispatch supervisor detailing some of her history. While this might seem cruel, if you kept up with her shenanigans while she was in the academy and on FTO, you would know that she needs to choose a career in modeling, hosting, interior design, or other social based enterprises. Seriously. Or there's news anchorwoman, air hostess, etc. You get the idea. Police work or dispatching  for her would put others in harm's way. For real. CJ Refresher course here.

SWAT Update:
I'll tell you all about it in March.

Personal Update:
If you've been reading this blog from the beginning, you know that HF has had a lot of success. He graduated top of his class, and while on the job has generally done everything right and has received a lot of praise. He is well-liked by his colleagues and even well-liked by some of his clients! He seems to have an amazing intuition about people and what to do in any given situation. Having said all that . . . lately, he has been really hard on himself and is showing a lack of confidence that is unusual.

Let me take you back 2 months. HF got in a minor car accident. He backed into a parked car. It didn't damage the police cruiser, but did cause some damage to the parked car. The result is that the department determined that he needed remedial drivers training. HF prides himself on his driving and it was a mistake he never thought he would make so early on in his career. He started wondering and really nit picking, "What else do I think I know but I don't really know?". It's like he is in the academy again. He is studying more and is being so hard on himself. Can you say perfectionist? The more he learns, the more he realizes he doesn't know anything. He is surrounded by a multitude of officers that have a decade (or two or three decades) experience on the job and he is trying to do as much as he possibly can now to offset what he lacks in experience. So anyways, what used to be your average game face getting ready for work each day, has turned into more intense focus and determination getting ready for work each day. I would love to hear your personal thoughts on this. For you more seasoned officers, is this something that happens periodically? For you newer officers, have you gone through this?

SWAT school: Day Two

yes, this picture is for real. image from here.

ME: (hugging) We missed you! Mmmmm! You smell good again! Are you using a new deodorant or cologne or something? You smell like essential oils.

HF: It's called gun powder.

ME: (like Homer Simpson) Mmmm gun powder. . .

HF: You really are cut out for this lifestyle if you think this smells good. Hahaha.

So today he came home with a shrapnel wound on his hand. That just about sent me over the edge, but he assured me it was normal, not a big deal, and that everything was safe. It ricocheted off one of the target stands in the CQB house (Close Quarters Battle). I held onto my faith and let the fear melt away.

HF threw his first flash bang grenade, he went through the entire house without making any mistakes in the shoot/don't shoot targets, every shot was a good shot. Basically, he was able to differentiate between which targets were hostages or bad guys. They did this all day, with each scenario becoming more complex.

I learned two things that day. The expression, "Do they yield to the shield?" Somebody jokingly asked this question when they were picking a restaurant to go eat at afterwards to see if they offered a police/fire/military discount. Don't worry, they weren't choosing a place based on this criteria. HF has mixed feelings about this. He doesn't look for or solicit establishments that offer this, but understands that some people want to show their appreciation and this is the way they want to do it. Anyway, that's a topic for another time.

The second thing: Slicing the pie. Finally an explanation! A while back Lt mentioned this cutting the pie business and the officers in the comments were echoing this sentiment, and I thought I was taking crazy pills. Okay people. Go ahead and slice that pie and eat that pie. Yum. Well, I am happy to say that I know what it means now! It's a tactical maneuver. Here's a little diagram I found to help those of you that don't know what in the world that means like I didn't.

Next time, I will talk about day 3 of SWAT school, which was scenario day.

SWAT school: Day One

We've had a sudden onset of illness here at the Fuzz household. As in the usual fashion, I didn't get sick until HF had a day off, which is weird how it always happens that way, but awesome because I get to crawl into bed. Poor guy dealt with our crazy kids all day and from what I could hear from upstairs, it wasn't pretty. Next to fall victim to throwing up was our 4 year old boy. I got up briefly to wrap him up in a blanket and put him in bed. Many hours later, HF crawled into bed, having thrown up himself after he put the kids to bed. Here it is 4 in the morning and I have had a lot of sleep and am wide awake for some reason. So I thought this would be an excellent time to talk about SWAT school.

Yes. SWAT school. HF recently completed a three day advanced SWAT school for the existing members of the team, but he was invited to attend pre selection, which is in January. There is a week long school that he will attend post selection once he makes the team. For three days he attended special training given by "industry professionals" (if you know what I mean- *elbow elbow, wink wink*). He loved every second of it. When he came home the first night, this is what happened:

ME:  Hi! Mmmmm. You smell good!

HF:  Really? That's called gun powder.

ME:  Oh. . . well mixed with your deodorant or something, it smelled good I guess. . .  How was it?

HF:  It was AWESOME.

He then began giving me all the details of the first day, and although I was paying attention, my ears perked up on "bullets whizzing past my ears" and I said, "Oh, you don't mean live ammunition do you?" It was as though I slapped him in the face. "What do you expect them to use? Of course it was live ammunition." My cool, calm, and collected self was having trouble breathing suddenly. He then explained to me how it works and suddenly I could recall a dozen or so stories of people dying during training. Ahhhhhh! Then I was okay like I always am. It's called faith.

On day one they did live fire shooting and moving. All day long.

That night he pretty much crashed into bed so he could wake up and do it all over again the next day. I came to bed a couple of hours later and I very carefully, as not to wake him, slipped into my side of the bed ever so carefully. Once into position, I looked over at him and he was smiling in his sleep! I couldn't help it, but a snort of laughter came out. He stayed smiling until who knows when because I fell asleep. I was hoping that it was me that he was smiling about, but I'm pretty sure it had to do with what he had been doing that day. The guy was in heaven.

Day one's training was in preparation for day two, which was live fire close quarters battle training.

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle by HF

I need to get this out of the way first because I just know I’m going to run into what I’m about to relate to you more and more:


I love our fair planet and do what I can to keep it clean. I am not anti-environment.  Okay now that that's out of the way, on with the story.

The other night my Sergeant and I caught this college student walking around with two mountain bikes. Both the bikes had impound tags on them (the city impounds bikes that have been left on racks or out on the street for a specific period of time. The tags are a way of telling the owners that their bike is about to be impounded). So we stop the guy and ask him if the bikes belong to him. He slowly pulls out his cell phone and starts to call a buddy.

Bike Boy: “Hello, uh Bobby…”

Me: “Sir, please put your cell phone away. We’re talking to you right now.”

Bike Boy: “Uh who told us we could take impounded bikes?”

Me: “Sir, please put your cell phone away.”

Bike Boy: “The guy at the bike shop? Yeah, that’s right. Okay. Bye.”

Me: “Sir, are those your bikes?”

Bike Boy: “Well, kind of.”

Me: “What does that mean?

Bike Boy: “I found these bikes and they have these impound tags on them so I figured that I could take them and try to use the parts from both of them to make a new bike for myself.”

Me: “Sir that’s theft.”

Bike Boy: (appearing shocked) “What?!”

Me: “Yeah, if it doesn’t belong to you, you can’t take it. “

Bike Boy: (with righteous indignation) “But the city is just going to destroy them anyway! I’m doing the city and the environment a service by recycling them!”

Me: “The city doesn’t destroy the bikes sir. After a set period of time in impound they fix them up and either sell them to the public or donate them to needy children. The ones they can’t repair, they actually recycle. Please step over here…”

Okay what’s the deal with people citing their concern for the environment as justification for crime lately? First the scooter girl and now bike boy. People, if you are really concerned with the environment and you are frustrated with the speed, or lack thereof, with which your elected representatives are attacking the problem as you perceive it, please don’t start a life of crime in an effort to speed up the process. It just doesn’t work. For some reason I just know I’m going to see this excuse more and more.

going green (by HF)

The other night I responded to a report of two people riding a motor scooter on sidewalks and pedestrian areas.  I hadn't looked too far when I heard another officer call out a traffic stop on the scooter I had been looking for.  I pulled into the parking lot where he had them stopped and proceeded to back him up. 

As I listened to the other officer talk with the driver it became apparent that there was a lot wrong.  On top of the fact that he was driving all over the sidewalks the driver didn't have the proper endorsement to be driving a scooter, he didn't have his drivers license with him, he had no insurance on the scooter and  the registration on the vehicle had expired 9 months ago. 

His girl friend just sat on the curb looking angry.  During a lull in the interview the girl looked up at me and asked me in a bitter voice,

"Why do you cops always keep your cars running?"

The other officer looked at me and smiled as if to say, "go ahead rookie, answer the nice lady's question."

"We're classified as emergency personnel and these are emergency vehicles.  We keep them on during stops for our safety and the public's safety."

She looked disgusted.  "Don't you realize that you're just polluting the earth even more than everyone else because you run your cars ALL THE TIME?  Why don't you get it?  What's wrong with you people?  You think you're doing so much good when in reality you're killing the planet by running your cars all the time.  Have you ever thought about that?"

I looked over at the other officer.  He just smiled as if to say, "now what are you going to say?"

"Shame on you ma'am," I began.  "Don't you realize that the federal government expects us to operate in a safe manner?  Shame on you for not living a green enough life style for the both of us.  Do you think I want to kill the earth every time I pull someone over? Such disregard for the law forces me to have to run my cruiser longer while I run and evaluate your information!  As a result of your actions, my hands are tied and now I have to live with the fact that the earth is a little deader because of all the violations your boyfriend here has managed to rack up this fine evening.  If you really cared about the earth, you would encourage your friends to obey traffic laws for the sole purpose of keeping my carbon emissions down!"

She looked at me and then quietly said, "your right officer.  I'm sorry."

The other officer and I were equally stunned and had to work very hard to maintain our composure throughout the rest of the stop. 

So tell your friends, obeying the law reduces carbon emissions from the police.  Do your part and go green.  Cause if we have to call out the tow truck to tow your vehicle to the state impound lot, I can guarantee you that guy's carbon emissions are a lot worse than mine.

SWAT: family day

when you think S.W.A.T. think Collin Farrell. That's really what it's like, guys. Not really.

One of the great things about the department that HF works for, is that he gets a lot of training opportunities. For the past few months he has been able to train with the SWAT team. In January, he will tryout for the team. Today was "family day" and the families were invited to BBQ and enjoy demonstrations put on by the team. HF didn't participate of course, but was invited to come and bring me and the kids "so that your wife will know what it will be like for you." This was an impressive group of guys.

Of course, I was mostly thrilled to be in the presence of so many other police wives and girlfriends. I don't mix and mingle with police wives from the department or in general so I was excited to meet some. Having police husbands may be the only thing we have in common, but really that's all it takes sometimes. Common ground is already covered, so what else is there to do than just talk. I love it. Oh, and there's definitely some drama happening with some of the police wives (lets out a long whistle). I can see where they get inspiration for crazy police wives like Tammy in Southland. Do you think I could ever be the subject or the cause of some pw drama? Hmm?

Also, upon arriving, I was surprised to notice that one of my childhood friends from home that I've known since I was four, but haven't seen in 10 years, was on the team. How random is that? We end up in the same city and state far away from our little town in California. He's a firefighter/paramedic and is one of the medics on the team. How wonderful to catch up with him and know that I'll have the chance to see more of him and his family in the future.

Anyway, they did demos (i.e. blowing things up) and they had a little station for the little kids to shoot airsoft guns. And they somehow cooked up some of the best burgers I've ever tasted! I had to leave early with the kids because of a babysitting situation (we left Beau at home) and the kids cried the whole way home because they didn't want to leave. Sadly they had to miss out.

The whole way home I just felt so happy. I contemplated how this feels like where I'm supposed to be exactly right now in my life. No matter the difficulties and trials that come with this chosen lifestyle, I feel up for it. I can do the work and I whole-heartedly support my husband and his goals. Who would think one could feel so much happiness at a pending SWAT team barbeque?

Like a prayer

It's been a long time since I've shared one of HF's on the job stories with y'all. Since I like to keep things light around here for the most part, here's one of the most unusual that I've heard in a long time that happened last night while HF was on duty.

HF and three other officers responded to an alarm at a local business. They found 4 college-aged males inside and arrested them without incident.  They brought them outside and based on the circumstances decided to issue the 4 guys misdemeanor citations with accompanying court dates and then let them go.  One by one each offender began crying as they were handed their citations.  They began asking the officers how this arrest would affect their future plans for schooling and jobs.  Then one of them asked, through his tears,

"Officers, will you pray with us?"

HF's old FTO was among the officers and the sergeant on duty for that night.  He responded with a resounding "No!" 

The boys looked even more dejected as the sergeant continued,

"We're the police and I don't like to mix religion with my enforcement activities.  Haven't you ever heard of separation of church and state?  We represent the law.  If you want to clear your conscience then go see your religious leaders but I'm not going to kneel down in the middle of the street and pray with you if that's what your after."

The boys looked at each of the officers as if they were pleading for a different response.  When they didn't get it, they went back to their car and stood in a circle.  Then they all knelt down and started to pray out loud.  HF and the other officers watched them until they finished and left the area.

HF's sergeant, who happens to be very religious himself, explained to the officers,

"I have no problem with prayer but officer safety and the impending lawsuit that would inevitably follow if we had prayed with these clowns is not worth the trouble."

Awesome.

from the HF files

image taken from here

The other day, I was talking to a friend that lives in Boston. She says, "Oh, I've got a story you can tell HF." I was completely surprised by the outcome of this story. She told me how she witnessed teenagers fighting on her street in front of her house. She went outside and started yelling at them to knock it off and two other neighbors came outside and joined her. One of her neighbors teaches Jr. High so "he's been trained on how to deal with fights so he broke it up. We almost had to call the cops. But luckily didn't have to."

I waited for more.

Nothin'.

She wanted me to pass on to HF that she almost had to call the cops. That was her story. I just politely said, "Oh, okay." I don't remember the rest of the conversation. I was once again weirded out by people's thinking HF would want to hear a story like this because he's a cop. Later that night in bed I was telling HF about the conversation. I said, "Like that's something you would want or need to know about". Immediately HF said, "That's good. I'm glad you told me. That is something I would want to know about." I got up on my elbows and peered at him through the darkness. Continuing in a serious tone he said, "Now I can update her file. And I keep forgetting to update Kate's as well. I still need to do that." I still didn't catch on that he was being funny. He went on. "I have files for all of our friends, families, and neighbors. Then we laughed.

Lately I am feeling a little annoyed with all these lame stories that friends think we would want or have to know. Some people definitely get weird around us sometimes even though we're the same people they've always known. I guess there is a lot of mystery and assumption about police work. HF gets a lot of questions and he doesn't mind answering them, as silly as some of them are. He doesn't mind hearing stories as silly as they sometimes are, but sometimes it's just so ridiculous. I've been told numerous times that this sort of thing will happen at parties or at dinners, and that your friends and family generally won't understand your lifestyle. Nothing could've prepared me for this however. Please tell me I'm not the only one to constantly hear lame and irrelevant stories to pass on to my cop husband?!

cops and caffeine

HF is a pretty healthy guy. He doesn't drink coffee and he rarely drinks soda. So he doesn't really consume caffeine unless you count chocolate. Since becoming a cop, he has found himself not only getting used to graveyard shifts, but working graves without having much sleep and working more overtime than ever before. There have been many nights that he felt tired enough that he wouldn't be able to stay awake all night. Sometimes even after getting enough sleep and eating right, he still struggles to stay awake from sheer exhaustion from all that he does!

One morning, he came home and he was very alert. I had never seen him so wide awake after a shift. Not only that, but he was very energetic. Quite hyper in fact. I asked him what was wrong. He looked at me with crazy, wide eyes and said with a smile, "I drank 3 Rockstars last night!" For someone that doesn't regularly drink caffeine, 3 rockstars really did a number on him. I began to notice really big dips in his sleep/wake cycles. He was doing whatever it took to stay awake, and then whatever it took to crash. And it was affecting his health. Then one morning I found these:

It was like one of those drug commercials from the 80s. Or for this particular situation, this spoof on the commercial from Srubs. I confronted him and threw them on his lap and said accusingly, "Who taught you how to do this?!" We laughed, but we did talk about it in all seriousness. He told me that one of the guys he works with had given them to him but  he hasn't tried them.  I expressed my concern and he admitted that he was concerned about it too. 

Basically, when he's on a good routine, he's working out and eating right and getting enough sleep. But with unforseen circumstances such as family "emergencies" and other things happening in his/our lives, he doesn't always get the sleep he needs. He stopped the Rockstars and although he may use some kind of aid or stimulant from time to time depending on the circumstance he finds himself in, he is keeping it natural, which is for sure what I want, but what he wants as well. I rarely tell him what to do, but when it comes to health stuff, I'm all over that because I worry. I worry about bad habits.

  

To help him, I've been trying to do my part. I try to do my best to have food on hand that he can take to work. When I wake him up in the afternoon, I try to make sure that he's had at least 8 hours of sleep. If I'm feeling especially kind, I will wake him up with a full body massage. He is sore from working out, from working in general, and from little things like his duty belt, that I know it makes him feel good. I'm into natural health, so I'm always researching about things that can help (The Melatonin seen above is a natural sleep aid, but why take it if you don't need it?) From what I've found, some of the best and easiest ways to depend less on caffeine is exercising, getting enough rest, relaxation, a balanced diet, and staying hydrated will help you stay alert.  If water isn't doing the trick, non-caffeinated herbal teas have lots of health benefits as well and may do the trick if it's a warm beverage that you are craving.  

In Lt. Col. Dave Grossman's book, On Combat, he says the following about caffeine:

Caffeine is a powerful and useful drug to temporarily combat the effects of sleep deprivation, but only if you have not abused it. If you need a "three bagger" to get you kick-started first thing in the morning, a 64-ounce "Big-Gulp Cola" to keep you going throughout the morning, two or three big, strong cups to keep you moving after lunch, and a big cup to face the family at the end of the day, you are addicted and abusing a powerful drug that will not be there for you when you need it the most. It is best to use caffeine only when necessary, such as first thing in the morning and right after lunch, two times when most of us need a little help. Never use caffeine within five or six hours of bedtime. If caffeine does not bother your sleep, that is proof that you have already built up a powerful tolerance, and it will be ineffective when you need it. Cut back, but do not go cold turkey. Starting tomorrow, drink half of what you normally consume, cut in half the next day, and so on, until you are taking caffeine only two or three times a day. Then when you really need it for that extended operation, it will be of use to you.

I think he pretty much says it all. Just like with anything we consume, there should be moderation. I recognize that cops and coffee are one of those stereotypes like cops and donuts are, but obviously there is a reason it becomes a habit and why cops come to depend on it so much. Are you addicted to caffeine? Do you need it to make it through a shift? Using Grossman's example, where do you fall on the spectrum? Do you have any helpful tips or alternatives that you don't mind sharing?

my opinion: how the GENERAL public views cops

There was an incident the other night. We live next to a grocery store on the "other side of the railroad tracks". A guy shoplifted and the store security detained him and fought with him in the office which is located near the front of the store. When police arrived, they tried to detain him. They used a taser, which was not effective. The guy pulls out a loaded handgun. They asked him several times to drop his gun to which he then pointed it at them. Both responding officers shot him several times. They tried CPR, but he did not make it.

First, I felt relief that HF wasn't working, and that I wasn't shopping during the incident. Second, it's hard for me to understand how something as "insignificant" as stealing beer can turn into a fatal shooting because of a poor choice. I feel for the loved ones of the guy that made the mistake of pulling out his gun, but I also feel for the officers that had to take a life, justified as it was. It's never a good thing.

The next day at church everyone was talking about it and extremely interested in talking to HF about the incident since he is, you know, the Fuzz. Among some of the comments he got, a lot of people were saying, "You guys shot him too many times!" Things of that nature.

I try to put myself in civilian shoes. It's not that hard to do. I'm only a year into LEO life. I probably wondered about these things. I didn't understand the protocol or the mind of an officer. I had no idea what their training entailed. But now, I see the other side. And now I think I have it figured out. I am generalizing here, but I think that the general public thinks of Law Enforcement as though they were in an old spaghetti western. Instead of shooting the bad guy dead when he points a gun at them, they are supposed to shoot their knee so they have to hop around on their other leg proclaiming "mah knee! mah knee!" At this point they can easily detain them without a gunfight. Or, they are supposed to shoot their hat off of their heads and send them scrambling after it to pick it up. Every time they reach to pick up their hat, the cop will shoot the hat again and again until the horse rustler has been run clear out of town!

Another one you hear often is, "But they didn't need to shoot him that many times!" or "They could've shot the weapon out of his hand!". Can you imagine if cops were getting that fancy during one of these life/death situations? It's not tv. They can't shoot a gun out of someone's hand in the middle of a life/death situation with the greatest of ease. And besides, there is all that unknown and potential risk involved when a person isn't completely relieved of the weapon they are holding. What if they started shooting at innocent people? It's been done before. And then there's the classic, "They knew what they were signing up for when they became a cop. . . " As if they are supposed to just let someone kill them because they "knew the risk involved"? I don't think I will ever understand the glorification of the person who points his loaded gun at someone there to help when they are the ones making bad decisions. I feel sympathy and sorrow for what led them to that point and I understand that they are someone's son/daughter, cousin, brother, dad, mom, etc. but it bothers me that the cops are ridiculed for difusing a deadly situation and the criminal that tried to shoot them are put up on some kind of pedestal.

Here's a clip that I found of what the public thinks cops should do. Remember, this is just my opinion of the GENERAL public. Obviously not everyone thinks this way. If that many at all. I think I am just a little frustrated with the questions and opinions of a few people. That's all. A little humor in a very frustrating situation.

one year into police life II

new pw blogs:
Life as A Deputy's Wife
Learning As We Go

One of the most rewarding things for me since starting this blog has been discovering this giant network of police wives, cops, and like-minded bloggers. A year ago, I didn't think there were any police wives even blogging, and there weren't actually, at least, none that were specific to police life. Now as I look through the pw blogroll, I see that there are many of us, and more and more all the time. It has been a HUGE support to me through this first year of adjusting to police life. Thank goodness there are a lot of you that know what it's like and understand the intricacies of this lifestyle. For example, a friend of mine called me last night to tell me this really long story about how someone backed into her car and how she did everything right so she wasn't annoying and called the non emergency police number and so on. A few minutes later she was describing her interaction with the cop and to make a long story short "he was such a jerk!" Then she proceeded to tell me how she loves cops and is friends with a few cops, HF included, and that she was giving this cop the benefit of the doubt etc., but she couldn't begin to see that there are so many reasons why he might have been behaving the way he was. Or maybe he really was just a jerk. Still, I just listened to her, waiting for a point to her telling me all this. Then she said, "I just thought you would want to know about this." So now we are getting random phone calls from friends to report an interaction with an LEO? I just said, "Oh, okay. Thanks."

Anyway, back to my original thought. I love this community of bloggers. It's been a great help to me. I've learned a lot, had lots of questions answered, and have lots of laughs too. Being married to the law is an adjustment, but it isn't all hard. It can be a lot of fun too. There are a lot of sad things. A lot of issues and negativity, but I'm learning it's a part of life and we can determine how it shapes our beliefs and attitudes towards others and life in general. My life is better than it was a year ago. HF's job has enriched our lives for the most part. I hope it continues to do so. I am aware it isn't that way for everyone, but we feel fortunate that it has been a match for HF and our family. He still loves every minute of his job. And I don't know if this makes him a weirdo, but he even loves writing the reports. He loves all the details of the job. And I don't think it's a rookie thing. It's just him. Check back with me in 10 years or so and ask me if he like writing reports.

So if you are not on the blogroll of police wives, girlfriends, BFFs, moms, etc. and you would like to be, leave a comment or shoot me an email and I will add you. I'd like to think that there's something for everyone on there. It's a great way to connect with other significant others of LEOs. One of my goals with this blog has been to list pw and cop blogs so that they are easier to find. I had to do a lot of searching it seems to connect with pw bloggers. So hopefully if you are looking for police wife blogs and you've somehow found youself here, you can find what you are looking for.

More thoughts. There have been so many times this past year that I've written up a post in anger or in grief because of things that people say about LEOs or because of deaths in the line of duty, etc. and I end up not publishing it because I realize that most of you share the same sentiment. And I also realize that sharing these thoughts and feelings with the majority of the rest of the world will essentially get you nowhere. That's been one of the hardest things for me throughout this adjustment. Even well meaning friends and family members, after hearing what you have to say, still do not understand. The thing that really blows my mind beyond all comprehension is the general public's attitude. So there is no point in leaving a comment or writing a letter to a news article or forum thread that is speaking untruthfully or biased towards law enforcement. You will get nowhere! It's best to let it go and let your actions speak. Well I'm mostly speaking for myself. There are plenty of you that have a way with words that are likely to get through to people.

Although it is difficult for me, I am becoming more thick-skinned and able to let a lot of things go and not take things so personally. A moment of triumph came for me at a salon a few weeks ago. I was getting a pedicure and listening in on a conversation a bunch of other women in there were having. It started out that one of them was late to her appointment because of "some SWAT standoff". She described the scene and what the officers were doing and then the inevitable what they should've been doing etc. Whatever. I didn't let it bother me. Then they all began discussing classic stereotypes. You know, the ones that usually begin with phrases like, "All cops. . . ", or "every single cop I know. . . ". In my mind I had a perfect statement for this group of ladies. But, what would be the point? So I tuned it out. I didn't let it upset me.
This is turning into a tangent. I think you get what I'm saying though, right?

Police Wives Unite!

word of the day: antimicrobial

image found here

I received this email from a fellow police wife, Luralyn.

my husband (currently at academy) just learned that he should be using antimicrobial laundry detergent on his uniform, especially if there is a chance anything that antimircrobial detergent would be necessary to eliminate is on it. But we have a front loader, which means high efficiency detergent... plus I couldn't figure out what detergent is anti-microbial. Anyways, I'd appreciate thoughts from the police wife blog family on how they wash the uniforms in their house to be safe without going overboard on chemicals (I had been trying to eliminate them from the home, but apparently I don't get to).

Fortunately for us, HF's department has a laundry service. At the end of a shift they can put their uniforms into a bag with their identifying information attached. Sometime in the night, the magic laundry elves come and gather the uniforms and when the officer arrives for their next shift, hanging in front of their locker is a nicely pressed and cleaned uniform. Isn't that incredible? I think so. However, that doesn't mean I don't have my fair share of on the job nastiness to wash on ocassion. So I have often wondered about this myself.

Is it enough to wash the uniforms separately from everything else? Do you always run a hot water rinse cycle after you wash work related laundry? Is bleach a necessity in this line of work? Or are there other options? (Mamma Val and Rebecca I know you guys have touched on the laundry topic in posts and/or comments). It seems like I heard that vinegar is good for cleaning laundry. Or is it for a rinse cycle?

We are a sensitive skinned family so we have to use natural detergents. Tide seems to be everyone's favorite detergent for cleanliness. To tree huggers, Seventh Generation is quickly becoming the preferred eco-friendly brand. We have family and friends that have been making their own detergent. Not only is it made with minimal ingredients, it is also friendly to your wallet, being that you can make a large batch and use a couple of Tablespoons at a time for each load. You can also put it in an a cute glass jar or other container so it dresses up your laundry room/area. It is essentially Fels Naptha soap, Borax, and  washing soda. You can also add essential oils (which supposedly have antimicrobial agents) for scent. Here is a list of 10 homemade laundry detergent recipes from Tipnut.

Another thing that I have been hearing more and more about that I actually would like to try is soap nuts. I found this explanation to be pretty cool (found here).

Soap nuts might be new on the market but they’ve have been a staple in South Asian communities for many centuries. The soap nut is the dried fruit of the Ritha (Sapindus mukorrosi) tree, a tropical, deciduous tree native to Asia. When dried soap nuts are exposed to water, they release saponins which act as a natural surfactant, reducing surface tension and allowing dirt and oils to detach from clothing.

Soap nuts are a product of nature and are completely pure, containing no additives, fragrances, or chemicals. They also have antimicrobial properties and are 100% biodegradable.

To use soap nuts, simply place 2-3 whole nuts in a re-usable cotton bag and add it to the washing machine. When used in cold water cycles, soap nuts can be reused 4-5 times, but only 2-3 times when used in warm water washes. Between washes, remove nuts from the cotton bag and let air dry.

These natural gems can be purchased at most health food stores and on many websites.

Isn't that interesting? I thought so at least. I think buying these are pricier, but since you can reuse the nuts a few times, it might end up being cost effective.

Please share how you handle the police laundry at your home.

Thanks for your email Luralyn. Best wishes for you and your husband while he's in the academy!

a typical conversation

Hello.

I've been missing and have also been highly unmotivated to blog. We have had a busy last couple of weeks and then this past weekend we went to my brother's wedding. It was lovely and we got to see lots of family. Then I find out today that my mom had exploratory surgery and some polyps were removed that they think are benign? They didn't tell anyone about it. My sister just happened to call my dad and he said he was at the hospital waiting for my mom to come out of surgery. Such is the way of my family. Not telling anyone anything so they won't worry. Or not telling you anything because it's none of your business! Here's a picture of my brother and his wife's first kiss after getting married. They will be living in San Diego.

Thank you Fabuleslie for the blog award. It doesn't come with any rules or anything and I'm not sure if there's an official name of the award, but it says, Circle of Friends Award. Leslie is hilarious. She's not an LEO, but she is a public servant. A first grade teacher! She tells funny school stories, shows some interesting finds in Austin Texas, and lots more. Thanks Leslie. I've been enjoying reading her blog.

Now onto the meat and potatoes. We are coming up on the one year anniversary of HF being an LEO. (One year ago, I was sayin', "what in tarnation does LEO mean?!") I started reading police blogs and police wife blogs and people were throwing around terms like LEO and the such and now I'm in the know! It's Law Enforcement Officer incase you were wondering like I was.

Lately I've been reflecting on the past year. One thing that came to mind was that whenever we get together with friends, the talk always turns into cop talk. Everyone wants to hear stories, and they have a story about a "bad cop" (or my personal favorite term, a rogue cop) that really screwed them over, etc. For the most part, HF is enjoying talking to close friends and family about the ins and outs of his job. Then there's that special category of people that I haven't yet categorized, but it's the kind of person or people where all you can do is shake your head and just simply know that they just don't get "it" and probably never will. 

Here's an example of some of the questions that HF gets on a regular basis from family and friends. This is from a text message sent on Sunday (let's call this person Rick): 

Rick:  hey, is making explosives against the law? LOL.

HF:  Yes.

Rick:  On what level. Federal?

HF:  All levels.

Rick:  Okay. Can you be charged after if you are on video?

HF:  Yes, and text messages are discoverable.

Rick:  And this conversation right?

HF:  Yeah.

Rick:  Well I didn't make any.

HF:  Good for you.

Rick:  Well gotta run

Do you know what I'm talking about? Sometimes people's questions are funny and not a big deal. And sometimes it just gets old. HF has had a few times when he doesn't feel like getting together with friends or family because he doesn't want to talk about work, and he doesn't want to command all the attention. It's also interesting to note that HF has said that sometimes it seems like people don't want to be friends because he's a cop or they do want to be friends because he's a cop. Lots of little changes that you don't really think about until they are actually happening I guess.

Shoot, Don't Shoot (by HF)

The other night I had an experience where I had to decide whether or not to shoot someone.  I was sent to a business alarm in the middle of the night.  Fortunately on this night I had a cover officer available and he was en route to back me up.  I waited outside for him to arrive.  As I was waiting I saw two people exit the property.  I identified myself and told them to stop.  They looked at me and ran.  My back up officer was in the area about to arrive as I was chasing the two suspects.  I identified myself again and yelled at them to stop and show me their hands.  One of them did, and as she turned around with one hand up in the air, the other one was holding an elongated dark object the way one would hold a gun; and it was pointed at me. 

What happened next was nothing short of amazing.  Time seemed to slow down.  My body started to react automatically.  I stepped off-line as I drew my weapon.  I yelled "Police! Drop the weapon!"  I felt my arms punch out into my shooting platform and I watched as the object stayed in her hand.  In my mind I saw my wife and children and as I obtained my front sight focus and placed my finger on the trigger the last thing that went through my mind was, "I am going home to them tonight." 

As I began to take up the slack in the trigger I noticed a blurry dark object drop to the ground.  My eyes sprinted to the suspect and I saw that she had dropped what had been in her hand.  My finger let off the trigger and I ordered her to the ground.  She immediately complied and I scanned and breathed.  During my scan I saw that the other suspect was returning.  I ordered him to the ground and he complied as well.  My cover unit arrived and together we took the two into custody.

The dark object turned out to be an older cell phone.  I asked her why she had pointed it at me and she only replied that she didn't know.  Knowing what I now know of the suspect, I think she was so scared of being chased and then caught by the police that she had gone into mind-lock and just had frozen up.  It was dark enough that it was hard for me to see exactly what the object was, but there was enough ambient light for me to be able to see how she was holding it.

The strangest thing about the whole incident was how comfortable I felt when it was happening.  I actually felt relaxed.  During the academy I read Lt. Col. Grossman's book, On Combat  and I remember reading about this kind of thing, but I guess I never thought that it would happen to me.  I never thought I would be comfortable in the heat of it. 

I have gone over and over this event in my mind to figure out what I could have done better.  How I could have waited longer or just radioed ahead their direction of travel.  I guess I didn't expect them to stop.  I got excited when I saw them leaving, they were so close to where I was waiting.  But I am constantly being reminded that this job can be very unpredictable. 

I am grateful for that automatic response.  And I know who gave it to me.  I am grateful to those men for the time and effort they put into preparing me for that moment when I had to make that decision.  I am glad that I didn't have to squeeze that trigger, but I'm also glad for that final driving thought:

I am going home to them tonight.

HF :: dancing traffic cop

Someone called in about HF. But it wasn't a complaint. It was to give compliments! A few days ago, HF had to direct traffic after a college basketball game. This person was a pedestrian and was impressed with his traffic directing skillz. I thought that was hilarious. I asked him if he wiggled his butt while waving cars through. I also asked him if he did any breakdancing or Michael Jackson moves. He said that one of the cops in the department is known for his "moves" in the street. He gave HF a few pointers on how to put on a show. These pointers apparently paid off! He got the pedestrians involved by having them boo cars that didn't follow instructions and that sort of thing. I think having some fun while directing traffic helps to ease the after game tensions or just the overall moods of the passengers and pedestrians while they are stuck in traffic. I don't have a video to show you of HF directing traffic, but check out this retired cop, Tony Lepore, from Rhode Island and his dancing cop moves! I love it.

job security

image found here

When I am browsing cop blogs, posts entitled, "job security" are usually describing a funny story dealing with a not so bright criminal or civilian. A lot of these laughs I get come from Motor Cop's blog and his dealings with many of his traffic stops.

The other night, there was a report of some guys driving around launching water balloons at unsuspecting pedestrians. They would hit people with balloons and then flip them off and yell obscenities at them. HF assisted with the call. To make a long story short, they all have court dates now. HF noticed the bucket in one of their trucks full of water balloons and also noticed that these guys weren't the sharpest tools in the shed, so he whipped out his phone and asked if he could take pictures of the inside of their vehicle. They almost seemed flattered at his asking and happily said, "Sure!" So he got some photographic evidence for the report. Then a couple of the guys got excited when they saw him taking pictures and asked, "Is this going to be in the newspaper?" HF thought fast and said, "Uh, yeah! Maybe!" So they all huddled together and asked him to take pictures of them. With their arms around each other, they did different poses and everything, even throwing in some of their own signature "gang" signs. The other officers that were with HF were trying not to laugh as HF took pictures. HF is pretty good at convincing people. Pretty much anytime he asks someone if he can look in their car, etc., they almost always say yes. I think it's his good looks. They really get him places.

I love when he responds to stuff like this. It's my favorite. Sure beats the other kind of stuff.