Thursday, May 28, 2009

a tale of two teeth

HF's two front teeth are false. And one of the false teeth is chipped. He's been meaning to get it fixed and I'm all for that, but while we are waiting, he says it makes him look tough. You can't really notice it unless you are standing really close to him staring at his mouth, or if he's laughing really hard. He also told me that at first he used to have to concentrate really hard when he spoke so that he didn't whistle or talk with a lisp. Now he doesn't have to think so hard when he talks because he's had so much practice.

Shortly before we got married back in 2002, he squandered his money on one of those little BMX trick bikes. Unfortunately for him, he didn't know any tricks. Just because your friends do things like riding them on top of giant cement walls, doesn't mean that you should too. So he falls and knocks his two front teeth out. HF's buddies call me and tell me to come to the ER and I didn't believe them. I was so shocked seeing him without his teeth that I began laughing. A lot. I do that when I am scared or nervous sometimes. Laughter as he was writhing there in pain. For some reason, it took an abnormally large amount of time for HF to get his teeth fixed, and we were about to get married. He finally gets temporary teeth (which by the way, was one giant block, carved to look like two teeth) and he bit into a sandwich and "it" came out on his sandwich. Apparently, even fake teeth coming out is excruciatingly painful (note to self: don't eat a sandwich on a hard roll when you have temporary teeth). With just days before our wedding, HF gets his permanent teeth put in. Thank heavens. No Billy Bob wedding for us.

A couple years go by and we both get the "double dragon". For those of you that might be unfamiliar, it's when you have vomiting and diarrhea at the same time. We found out that HF will pass out if he throws up hard enough. I wake up early one morning and he's not in bed. I saw that the bathroom light was on and that the door was half shut. I try pushing the door open but his body is blocking my entrance. He's on the floor and he's unconscious. I didn't freak out, but I was able to get the door open and I shook him and he didn't wake up. I checked his pulse and then shook him some more and he woke up and had no idea what had happened or why he was lying on the floor with his pants around his ankles and a garbage can lying nearby on its side. I noticed half of his tooth missing. I put him to bed and when he woke up later, we figured that while he was throwing up he passed out and hit his mouth on the sink on his way down, hence the chipped tooth.

We moved on with our lives, assuming that that was a one time event. Then HF graduated college. This was the week that HF's bitterly divorced parents were visiting at the same time. I got a rash from all the stress, we had an 8 week old baby, and HF got the double dragon again. HF's mom (GF) stayed at our place. One of my brothers traveled here for the event and ended up staying with us as well. We had a 600 sq ft 2 bedroom apartment, made even tinier when there's a visitor (make that 2 visitors) added to the mix. I made my brother a spot on the floor in Daisy's room because GF was in the living room floor on a mattress. And who wants to sleep in the same room with someone you've never really met before? So, at 2 a.m. my brother decides to be as loud as possible settling down in Dasiy's room. Luke, 8 weeks old at the time was in the living room by Grandma in his portable crib. Daisy wakes up and starts screaming, "Get Uncle Dan out of my room!" I go in there to calm her down and tell him to just go crash on the living room couch even though GF is in there sawing logs. Just as my brother was falling asleep on the couch with a pillow over his head, HF's mom wakes up to go to the bathroom. She's feeling around for her glasses that she thought she put on the couch and got more than she bargained for when she groped my brother. She then screams at the top of her lungs. Everyone wakes up except HF, who can sleep through anything. I finally fall asleep only to be awakened by HF crawling on the floor towards the bed whispering, "Move over!" Come to find out, HF had gotten up a couple of hours later with the double dragon and once again passed out. This time no one came to his rescue and when he woke up he crawled back to bed. The next morning Grandma Fuzz discovered a pair of bent and smashed glasses lying behind the bathroom door. They were HF's alright. I went to check on him and his face was all messed up; bruised, scratched, and bleeding from falling off the toilet unconscious once again.

After a third time of vomiting and passing out we had him checked out by the doctor. I guess it's normal for some people. Too much pressure on their brain or something. He's totally fine. But being the hypochondriac that I am, I was certain that he had a brain tumor or something.

5 comments:

Texas Ghostrider said...

You should have wired your place up with cameras that week. You could have made some really good funny money.....

The crazy Shaw Family said...

I had to read this to my Dh, and he was laughing hysterically! That was too funny. poor guy!

Slamdunk said...

This post is a reality tv gold mine.

I would watch your blog stats--you may find some of the Hollywood types visiting often to take notes for upcoming show ideas.

Momma Val said...

Oh no!!! I am trying not to laugh at just the thought of that whole crazy family evening in a tiny apartment. Like a plot for a sitcom or something. That totally stinks about the DD. I have only had that once and was in college living with my mom. Cop dad can also sleep through anything usually, very envious of that. Hope HF is able to get his teeth fixed soon. Wonder if there's a way HF can brace himself or a little procedure he can develop so as not to crash to the floor and injure himself when puking? Still chuckling about HF's mom groping your brother. Ha!

Natalie said...

I wholeheartedly agree with the previous comments. FH has hypertension from his extremely high blood pressure (which was a problem before the LEO world, so life's been peachy due to that!) but no crazy funny stories (after the fact, of course). Just migraines and a bad case of the meanies until the aspirin kicks in.