Wednesday, September 16, 2009

more lessons learned

Supposedly our computer will be fixed by tomorrow. It needs a new hard drive. It amazes me how much I depend on that machine to do just about everything. I check the weather, I look up recipes, I budget, check my bank account, pay bills, blog, type up lists, check email, look up questions like, "Do dragons blow fire through their noses or their mouths" for my six year old that wants to know, and I watch tv shows on I had no idea I depended on it so much.

Here's another realization I've had. I think I am a Polyanna (see definition at married to the law). And I'm okay with it. I want to be. But of course, things are not always puppy dogs and roses. A few nights ago, we had a BBQ (sorry Erin, I spell it with a Q) at the park with some friends. We were running a little bit late, and the kids and I made it there before HF. I saw him pull into the parking lot and take FOREVER to find a parking spot, and I started feeling impatient. My impatience grew as I watched him sitting in the car not getting out, and then getting out, but getting on his cell and circling the parking lot. I was shouting in my head, "WHAT THE H**L ARE YOU DOING?! WE'RE ALREADY LATE!"

Finally he makes his way over and he asks me if I saw some guy on a bicycle near the city dumpsters. I said, "Yeah. Why?" He said that he matched the description of a guy that has been stealing bikes for a very long time and dumping the parts in the dumpster. Of course, he checked the dumpster and there were bike parts. He asked me which way he rode off. I had no idea. And I really didn't care. HF had gotten on the phone to call it in. I rolled my eyes. I said, "Why can't you just be here with us and that's it?" He looked at me and smiled. As soon as he smiled, and looked at me with those penetrating brown eyes of his, I realized immediately that he won't ever be able to just do that. Even though he is hyper aware right now being a rookie and all, he is still going to be someone who notices what's happening around him at all times and he has a duty to serve and protect even when he's clocked out. I was essentially asking him to put horse blinders on and not look for anything and just enjoy a much needed BBQ with us and some friends.

Much of my frustration is coming from the last 2-3 weeks being sort of crazy. He already has 60 overtime hours for this week and last alone. 2 weeks ago he did EVO (emergency vehicle operation) during the day and worked his night shift as well. He had no days off, and then he got called in early one night because there was a riot. I think HF will write about this soon. I saw him on You tube. Awesome. I appreciate the extra income, but I miss him, the kids miss him, and he needs rest! We had a lengthy discussion a couple of nights ago about all this, our expectations of each other, some explanations about the job that I'm still learning to navigate, made some plans and goals. It was good. I will write more about this later. I also have a lot of other posts in the making. So hopefully I can start posting regularly in the next day or two.

To sum it up: I realized that the job doesn't end when he's clocked out. He is always on duty. I am okay with it, it is expected, but it is a burden! We have a lot to learn, but this is still what we are meant to do and I really am happy with his choice of career. When I have these realizations or learn a new lesson, I am actually struck with a sense of excitement or satisfaction, because I realize that I am becoming a "pro" at making things work and accepting what "comes with the job". I am learning to be more independent and more organized. I am determined to be a good police wife. I want a happy life, a happy family, and a happy husband. I know his job isn't a happy one, and I want to do my part to make sure that we can achieve happiness in our own marriage and family. If I do my part, he can do his professionally, at home, etc. I'm beginning to think that there will be no end to what I can expect from his job. I have to roll with the punches.


Erin said...

You know what? You spell it with a Q if you want to. It's more interesting that way, and the Q is an underused letter, in my opinion.

You guys are awesome. The dynamic of your relationship is one that deserves to be emulated.

TM said...

I strive to do the same in learning every possible way to make sure things work out for the better of the relationship. If we're each doing our part to the best of our ability, only good can come of it.

As for overtime, my boyfriend is deemed the "overtime whore" of the precinct with 105 hours!

911 and the Randomness.. said...

Yeah, the badge never comes off, even when they are out of uniform. Sounds like you are doing your best and that's all you can do. the job will always throw suprises at you.
and how else can you spell BBQ??

KO said...

Hey Hows it going, I'm back in the Blog world, checking out your blog again, check mine out it's back, alittle different more on my life , rather then my job (Got my knuckles smacked)


The crazy Shaw Family said...

Hugs! Yeah, they never turn it off, and never will. But that is why they are who they are and what they are. Just keep being the strong wonderful woman you are, and when you yell, keep it in your head; or at least under your breathe!

Paula said...

Same is true of the beginning I was a nurse first, then a wife and mother later. After 25 years I don't want to be a nurse son, the cop, sounds just like your husband. I think it is something they will learn with turn off the cop role when the shift is over. Otherwise burnout is looming ahead. Stay supportive!

Momma Val said...

No, they are always on patrol BUTTTTTTTTT from the wise words of our very wise marriage counselor, "There has to be a separation of work and home life." And there you have it. It was not just me and it unfortunately happens naturally once cops have been one many years and often after the first or second divorce. I am not a Pollyanna, think she died during the academy days or shortly thereafter :( AND the balancing act and everyones happiness is not SOLELY your responsibility. Trying to achieve that can make you nuts and everyone happy BUT you. HTH!

Wifey said...

DH thinks he's going to separate work and home life with ease... I'm not so sure. BTW - Wish us luck, just got a letter with a semi-local department and the examination process begins! Dun, dun, dun.

Christopher said...

You're quickly being introduced to the world of being a police officer's spouse, and soon you'll understand that it's you and the kids who make the biggest sacrifice so that a generally underappreciating community can have him.

But he's making a difference, and it's not a sacrifice for nothing.

KD said...

uh, Erin? How do you spell BBQ without a Q? Maybe I didn't get enough sleep last night but I cannot figure that one out.

Mrs. Fuzz, seeing as how we both live in the jurisdiction where our DH's work, this is absolutely not a surprise to me. Stuff like this happens all the time to us since DH lives and works in the same place. Makes him a better cop, I think, but it adds another, well, difficult layer to family life if you ask me.

mrs. fuzz said...

Erin- Thanks

TM- 105 hours! Whew!

911- Erin on a post a while back had this little rant about spelling barbeQue. It's spelled barbecue. But we all know that because we say B-B-Q, it ends up being spelled that way. But of course she's right. She's this amazing writer slash editor slash . . . well you should just read her bog and find out more because she's funny and smart and witty and all that AND a police wife.

Thanks crazy shaw!

Paula- thank you for your insight into that.

Mama Val- yes, yes, I know. I know! all I can do is hope and expect that he will also be doing everything he can do to do his part. Some days I'm sure he will do more to make up for what I'm not giving and vice versa, but it is a huge balancing act. Takes a lot of work and daily maintenance.

Wifey- Good luck to both of you! Can't wait to hear how the prospect works out.

Christopher- great comment. thank you.

KD- When we buy a house it will be in a neighboring community fo sho!

Mr. Police Man said...

Sometimes you don't have to take all that O.T. Sometimes the wife and kids are more important. When I started having to pay for counseling the O.T. wasn't worth it.

Momma Val said...

Amen Mr. Policeman!!! I just read your comment to my cop husband of 3 years AND he laughed in complete agreement with you :) :) :) Words to live by, thank you, thank you, thank you for confirming a very important thing for a very stressed LEO couple that are coming out of a war (which started when he went to the academy). Fabulous! Sorry for the highjack.

mrs. fuzz said...

Mr. Policeman- thanks for the comment! That made me laugh out loud as well. And very true!