more lessons learned

Supposedly our computer will be fixed by tomorrow. It needs a new hard drive. It amazes me how much I depend on that machine to do just about everything. I check the weather, I look up recipes, I budget, check my bank account, pay bills, blog, type up lists, check email, look up questions like, "Do dragons blow fire through their noses or their mouths" for my six year old that wants to know, and I watch tv shows on hulu.com. I had no idea I depended on it so much.

Here's another realization I've had. I think I am a Polyanna (see definition at married to the law). And I'm okay with it. I want to be. But of course, things are not always puppy dogs and roses. A few nights ago, we had a BBQ (sorry Erin, I spell it with a Q) at the park with some friends. We were running a little bit late, and the kids and I made it there before HF. I saw him pull into the parking lot and take FOREVER to find a parking spot, and I started feeling impatient. My impatience grew as I watched him sitting in the car not getting out, and then getting out, but getting on his cell and circling the parking lot. I was shouting in my head, "WHAT THE H**L ARE YOU DOING?! WE'RE ALREADY LATE!"

Finally he makes his way over and he asks me if I saw some guy on a bicycle near the city dumpsters. I said, "Yeah. Why?" He said that he matched the description of a guy that has been stealing bikes for a very long time and dumping the parts in the dumpster. Of course, he checked the dumpster and there were bike parts. He asked me which way he rode off. I had no idea. And I really didn't care. HF had gotten on the phone to call it in. I rolled my eyes. I said, "Why can't you just be here with us and that's it?" He looked at me and smiled. As soon as he smiled, and looked at me with those penetrating brown eyes of his, I realized immediately that he won't ever be able to just do that. Even though he is hyper aware right now being a rookie and all, he is still going to be someone who notices what's happening around him at all times and he has a duty to serve and protect even when he's clocked out. I was essentially asking him to put horse blinders on and not look for anything and just enjoy a much needed BBQ with us and some friends.

Much of my frustration is coming from the last 2-3 weeks being sort of crazy. He already has 60 overtime hours for this week and last alone. 2 weeks ago he did EVO (emergency vehicle operation) during the day and worked his night shift as well. He had no days off, and then he got called in early one night because there was a riot. I think HF will write about this soon. I saw him on You tube. Awesome. I appreciate the extra income, but I miss him, the kids miss him, and he needs rest! We had a lengthy discussion a couple of nights ago about all this, our expectations of each other, some explanations about the job that I'm still learning to navigate, made some plans and goals. It was good. I will write more about this later. I also have a lot of other posts in the making. So hopefully I can start posting regularly in the next day or two.

To sum it up: I realized that the job doesn't end when he's clocked out. He is always on duty. I am okay with it, it is expected, but it is a burden! We have a lot to learn, but this is still what we are meant to do and I really am happy with his choice of career. When I have these realizations or learn a new lesson, I am actually struck with a sense of excitement or satisfaction, because I realize that I am becoming a "pro" at making things work and accepting what "comes with the job". I am learning to be more independent and more organized. I am determined to be a good police wife. I want a happy life, a happy family, and a happy husband. I know his job isn't a happy one, and I want to do my part to make sure that we can achieve happiness in our own marriage and family. If I do my part, he can do his professionally, at home, etc. I'm beginning to think that there will be no end to what I can expect from his job. I have to roll with the punches.

Lesson #2

When your husband's shift starts at 9 pm, it really starts at 8 pm. He has to get to the station, get dressed, get his "act" together, and then has to be briefed at 8:45. So note to self: 9 pm to 7 am = 8 pm to 8 am more or less. I call it "boy time" when HF tells me how long he will be gone and then is not back for some time after that. For example, HF will say, "I'm going to go over to Bob's house for a couple minutes to pick something up. I'll be right back". Then I calculate that into boy time. For those of you not sure how to calculate boy time, it is 2 minutes for every 1 minute. So if they tell you that they will be gone shooting guns for 3 hours they are really telling you that they will be back in 6 hours. So you can't really get mad at them if before leaving you say, "Dear, is that in boy time or regular time?" Just kidding. You can be mad.

I like his shift schedule right now. It's 4 days on, 3 days off. Right now he has Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday off. It's a little bit of an adjustment, but I think because of how much he has been going going going for the last year, anything is fantastic compared to that. This is the most we have seen him in a year! And we are loving it. Today he got to participate with other law enforcement agencies in the state, doing the torch run for the special olympics. He ran 3 miles and got to carry the torch part of the way.

Lesson #2 from HF's FTO: Balancing work and family life. He told HF to refrain from doing unnecessary overtime and to spend as much time as he can with his family. They talked about how he should establish now anything that I might not be willing to talk about pertaining to the job. I've already told HF a long time ago that I would love for him to talk to me about anything and everything so long as it doesn't involve sex crimes against women and children, or any crimes involving children for that matter. At the time I remember feeling a little guilty for telling him that. Like, what if he really needed to talk to me about something that is related to one of these forbidden areas, and bottles it all in because I told him he couldn't talk to me about those things, and then he loses his mind?! As you can see, I jump to conclusions rather quickly. Anyway, after he talked to his FTO I was comforted that there were other resources for him to turn to when he needs to. HF was definitely okay with my not wanting to talk about certain things, but I told him I was also okay with him "violating" the rules if he felt it were absolutely necessary. I really want to be supportive, but I have my limits.

Shortly after we were married and I was pregnant with Daisy, we were house sitting for some friends. We were watching television one night and HF stopped on an episode of Law & Order. I think it must've been the SVU version. Anyway, a girl was raped by a group of guys and they had a video of it in court, and although I know it wasn't real, it bothered me, but my reaction to it was so unexpected. I began sobbing uncontrollably and asked HF to turn it off. Then I sobbed uncontrollably it seems for the next few hours. It was crazy. Even though I haven't had the same reaction as that again, I still feel the same way. It's hard for me to watch/hear/see/read about those things. Violence or sexual violence involving women and/or children just send me over the edge.

So there's our first rule regarding work related issues that HF could bring home. Do you have any ground rules when it comes to discussing work at home? Is there anything that's off limits?