Monday, June 21, 2010

mama mia!

My mother-in-law is here. This is what it's like when your New York Italian mother-in-law (or Linda Richman as I like to call her) sees her son in his police uniform for the first time:

MIL:  OHMYGASH! Wouldya look at him!? There he is. Come here you. Let me see you. This is the real deal here. OH!! and he's got his name on his little uniform. Hey! Where's the Jr. in your name! Why isn't it on there?! Why'd you leave it off! It's gotta have it on there! (back to smiling at him) OOOHHH!!! (she starts dusting him off, pulling, fidgeting, fussing with the shirt pockets and turning the name plate just a tad) Whadaya got there? What is all that stuff? Are those real handcuffs? (distracted briefly to ask through the side of her mouth if we use the handcuffs in bed and then turns to me and waves her arm downward in the air and winks with her mouth wide open) Oh no. Pepper spray?! IS THAT A REAL GUN!?

HF:  Yes mom. It's a real gun. (she jokingly puts her hands up in protest and says, "whoah. Take it easy" and lets out a cackle)

MIL:  (HF takes out the gun and racks the slide or does some kind of check) PUT THAT THING AWAY! DON'T DO THAT IN THE HOUSE! For cryin' out loud. Oh geez. Those are bullets?! Oh my gash! (now adoringly) Oh and look! He's got a shiny badge. Look at him! LOOK AT HIM! Ooooohh. (she puts her hands on his cheeks and beams with pride while she looks in his face. Then she kisses him and gives him a bear hug)

The other thing I love is that she uses the word jerk (and jerky) in ways I never thought possible. This lady's crazy. But I love her.

The last time my MIL visited, we took her to one of our favorite outdoor eateries. She began "discussing" (arguing to everyone else) something about the hillside letters that a city or a school puts on the side of a mountain and how from her airplane it appeared that the letters had been changed to something else, etc. and a guy eating near us interrupted politely and playfully told her that he's lived here all his life and that the letters were infact were just one letter. A 'Q' (I'm making up the letter). She loved his attention and very playfully and flirty-like shoved him with both hands. His face went from warm laughter and smiling to read, shocked and maybe a little scared. Some woman had just shoved him (like Elaine from Seinfeld) and told him to "get outta here!" We told her how people from these here parts out west would take that as an angry and confrontational action instead of the flirty and warm action she was intending. Talk about a culture shock for all involved.

Never a dull moment in the Fuzz household.

16 comments:

Slamdunk said...

Ha, sounds like an entertaining visit.

My mom in-law is from Long Island and father-in-law is from NJ--which also provide unique perspectives.

Pam Landy said...

I DIE. What's your MIL management strategy? Sounds like sitting back and enjoying the show is working pretty well - keep the updated coming! And try to get her liquored up - it sounds like a bottle of chard would get you a week's worth of quality posting material. ;)

Leah said...

How funny is this!! It halfway reminds me of my MIL, but with not as much energy! I had to read this to CC, he got a big kick out of it too! Of course we just went through the whole admiring of the uniform since he's only been wearing it a week! :) And I agree with the above comment - sounds like you could get a whole lot of blogging material out of her!

Stacia said...

That was too funny! My mom is the same way with my husband (and she see's him almost every day!!)

Ann T. said...

Dear Mrs. Fuzz,
Oh, yeah! Enjoy it! Ummm, how much longer??

I had 2 M-I-L's--owing to the scandalous state of the older generation, just marrying and divorcing willy-nilly like they do.

One was more than ready to dance on top of the bar. The other one sat next to the barbecue, cooking brisket and talking quilts. Both were fun, but neither were OHMIGASH!!!! Ha ha ha!

Good luck with that,
Ann T.

storylady said...

You did such a great job of painting a picture of the whole scene! Your mother-in-law sounds exactly like someone I'd like to meet. What a fun lady!!! F'real.

Rebecca said...

Oh my, I'm from the east coast and I have to giggle at the way you wrote this post. I could hear almost hear the NY accent in your mother in law's voice. Not that I know what she sounds like but, it made me chuckle especially the 'get out of here'! And, For cryin' out loud, ha ha. Seems like you have a good enuf relationship with her :-) Good stuff. My mother in law lives 5 min down the road. Kinda like a Every Body Loves Raymond 'Marie' LOL.

TM said...

Love it! I feel like that was something coming out of my mouth! Such New York things to say! Glad to hear you're having a good time with the MIL :)

Christopher said...

My dad's side of the family is all Italian. Love them to death, but, oh, do the women drive me nuts.

:)

sparkcheck said...

MIL sounds kind of like a cartoon character! :-)

MONICA-LnP said...

great story!my mom was the same way,loved to talk with her hands as much as she did with her mouth lol!have fun!

mindy said...

omg! that is so funny! i love her!!

is that a real gun? LOL!

we all better hope so ;)

my MIL was much the same when she saw hubby for the first time all decked out. i can't blame them... these men look so awe inspiring when all uniformed up... don't they?

Jenney said...

That is so funny. Does she read your blog????
We didn't give our blog address to my in-laws on purpose (they question everything I do, so the less they know the better). They found out anyway and then got mad that we didn't tell them. Now they insist on calling our children by their blog names. How weird is that?

therookiewife said...

Too funny! DH was just sworn in, but this reminds me a lot of his mom, too. "Oh my goodness, it's a gun! Look at his badge !"

Gabby said...

Laughed about the "where's the junior" statement...my MIL said a similar thing when seeing DH in his uniform for the first time. His name pin finally broke (5 years later) and the new one has 'II' after the last name.

jediwife said...

lol, loved this post!