mama mia!

My mother-in-law is here. This is what it's like when your New York Italian mother-in-law (or Linda Richman as I like to call her) sees her son in his police uniform for the first time:

MIL:  OHMYGASH! Wouldya look at him!? There he is. Come here you. Let me see you. This is the real deal here. OH!! and he's got his name on his little uniform. Hey! Where's the Jr. in your name! Why isn't it on there?! Why'd you leave it off! It's gotta have it on there! (back to smiling at him) OOOHHH!!! (she starts dusting him off, pulling, fidgeting, fussing with the shirt pockets and turning the name plate just a tad) Whadaya got there? What is all that stuff? Are those real handcuffs? (distracted briefly to ask through the side of her mouth if we use the handcuffs in bed and then turns to me and waves her arm downward in the air and winks with her mouth wide open) Oh no. Pepper spray?! IS THAT A REAL GUN!?

HF:  Yes mom. It's a real gun. (she jokingly puts her hands up in protest and says, "whoah. Take it easy" and lets out a cackle)

MIL:  (HF takes out the gun and racks the slide or does some kind of check) PUT THAT THING AWAY! DON'T DO THAT IN THE HOUSE! For cryin' out loud. Oh geez. Those are bullets?! Oh my gash! (now adoringly) Oh and look! He's got a shiny badge. Look at him! LOOK AT HIM! Ooooohh. (she puts her hands on his cheeks and beams with pride while she looks in his face. Then she kisses him and gives him a bear hug)

The other thing I love is that she uses the word jerk (and jerky) in ways I never thought possible. This lady's crazy. But I love her.

The last time my MIL visited, we took her to one of our favorite outdoor eateries. She began "discussing" (arguing to everyone else) something about the hillside letters that a city or a school puts on the side of a mountain and how from her airplane it appeared that the letters had been changed to something else, etc. and a guy eating near us interrupted politely and playfully told her that he's lived here all his life and that the letters were infact were just one letter. A 'Q' (I'm making up the letter). She loved his attention and very playfully and flirty-like shoved him with both hands. His face went from warm laughter and smiling to read, shocked and maybe a little scared. Some woman had just shoved him (like Elaine from Seinfeld) and told him to "get outta here!" We told her how people from these here parts out west would take that as an angry and confrontational action instead of the flirty and warm action she was intending. Talk about a culture shock for all involved.

Never a dull moment in the Fuzz household.