a time in history that I would like to have far behind me

image from here

Well that was a big fat lie when HF said he was going to be posting this week. Sometimes he just flat out lies! Just kidding. The lack of posting is due to the aforementioned kidney stone issue which I thought was going to be the end of me. For real. It was nice however to lay low for a few days. One thing that I found quite amusing is that once when I came downstairs for water, I opened the fridge and all I saw were steaks and hot dogs and hamburgers. And that's pretty much it. I worried for my family's health, but went back to bed. HF blew through our allotted food budget money for 2 weeks in about 3 days. But that's okay. He was doing his best to hold the fort down. I always joke that he's like those guys in those Carl's Jr. commercials. "Without us, some guys would starve". Secretly I hope that he sees that what I do is kind of a big deal and without me he would literally starve or at the very least, be lost without me. Even though some of the aftermath leaves me with more to fix than I would like, I appreciate his part that he does to make our little family run.

The other reason for not posting in forever is because of major work-related drama. After many days of going going going, HF came home one afternoon after a particularly long day and I could tell that he was spent. He usually puts away his gear and other items, but today he dropped everything in a heap and stumbled upstairs to the shower. After his shower I listened for footsteps that would tell me that he was getting dressed and coming back downstairs, but I had a feeling that he would fall over on the bed and be out like a light. What happened next was automatic even though I never had to do it before. I checked over the gear he had plopped down and made sure that his gun was secured, and that anything else was put away or out of reach temporarily so that the kids wouldn't get into anything. Then I let him be. I told him later that I waited until I knew he was up to holler at the kids. It's true. As soon as I heard him walking around, I yelled at the kids. When he woke up, he was startled for a minute thinking that he hadn't put away his gun and other important things and I cut him off and said, "I know. I could tell you were going to crash so I checked everything and made sure". We didn't talk about it at all, but I tucked away that moment in my memory as one of our beautiful "in-synch" moments that remind me that we are "one".

These past few days have proven to be mentally and emotionally exhausting. Not to mention physically. After being encouraged to try out, HF completed the selection process for the swat team and was not happy with his performance. Everyone knows he is harder on himself than anyone else, but after hearing about his day, he did not perform as he would've liked to. He put it out of his mind, and I could tell he was relieved to have it behind him. We find out if he made the team soon.

HF's conclusion:

1. He doesn't make the team.  He tries out again next year.
2. He does make the team, and will spend the next few years proving himself all over again as the new guy. He would have to strive to be the best at everything; Shooting, physical fitness, etc.

Academy all over again anyone?