More Words from HF

We Could All Die! (by HF)

I am sitting in the back of a large box truck

It is the middle of the night and I am in charge of holding onto the door

If I let go of the door before I'm supposed to

We could all die

It's better not to latch the door because when it's time to open it, if it's latched, it inevitably won't open

So I hang on

For dear life

For all our lives

When we get to where we're going I wait for my turn to get out of the box truck

We all walk in lines

We are quiet

We are quiet because if we are not

We could all die

When we get to where we are walking to we are loud

We are loud because if we are not

We could all die

When we are done and coming back home in the box truck I don't have to hold onto the door anymore

I stand inside and hold onto the rail

I think about you and the kids

In my mind I only see you and the children in your most perfect moments and I am full of joy

And that joy stays with me until I get home and see you waiting

And I realize that I am seeing you in your most perfect moments all the time

But I've missed it until now

Somehow I can't help but think there's a connection

33

Today was HF's 33rd birthday. Would it surprise you to know that he worked on his birthday and didn't get the day off, or a parade in his honor for that manner? Here's the rundown of the day:

Morning: Fed him his favorite cold cereal for breakfast. Fruit Loops. We never have the stuff in our house, so he's got to eat fast if he wants to enjoy it.

Afternoon: Shopping, he opened a couple of presents. I got him a couple of shirts, and the first season of 24. Daisy drew him a picture and made him a bookmark. He got a package from his mom.

Philly Cheesesteaks for the birthday boy's lunch. Sometimes we just can't help ourselves with those cheesesteaks...

Then off to work.

Later, we took him hot dogs from his favorite hot dog place along with his homemade cheesecake/birthday cake. It was a very fatty fat day! But he'll work it off in a day. Later when he got home, since it was kind of late, I treated him to a man movie that he's been wanting to see, True Grit, and we spent some quality time together.

Here's my cheesecake FAIL:

And here is my cheesecake save:

HF's birthday is a special anniversary for us because it is the day we met when we were teenagers. I showed up at his house with a friend and HF's sister while I was visiting from California. I think I wrote our story before, but it was love at first sight. I'm always reminded of that day's events on his birthday. Seems like it was just yesterday! And now look at us. A couple of grownups with 3 kids and a minivan. Ain't life funny?

** written on his birthday, but published later. June 10th was his birthday**

two years on the job

This cake is crazy! HF's graduation cake. You can walk down memory lane with me here.

I have neglected my blogging duties for quite some time now haven't I. There have been a couple of milestones. HF had his 2 year anniversary of becoming a police officer. Can you believe it's been 2 years?! We also celebrated our 9 year anniversary on May 4th.

Here is some of what HF has accomplished in two years:

• He's a R.A.D. basic instructor.
• He completed our state's  Peace Officers Standards and Training Instructor Program, which enables him to become a POST certified instructor for our state.
• He became First responder, First aid, Adult-child-infant CPR certified through both the American Heart Association and the Red Cross, and went through an EMT basic program.
• He successfully completed the Department of Homeland Security's online NIMS and ICS program.
• He graduated from the Center for Domestic Preparedness' COBRA program.
• He became a member of the SWAT Team.
• He completed a Multijursidictional Counterdrug Task Force Training on Inverviews and Body Language Techniques
• He completed the Verbal Judo course
• I must also add that he is now a biker! HF recently bought a motorcycle (a Suzuki Intruder 800) and has been gallivanting across the land. I've always loved a guy on a bike. Especially one with just a t-shirt and no protection and some cool shades, but remember HF is the safety first and rule keeper guy so he is leathered up and helmeted, and as you might guess I am not allowed to ride behind him (there's even a little seat for moi!) for 6 months or until he's comfortable! I guess I should appreciate his level headedness and all, but I've got my fantasies.
• Oh, and also he's less jumpy and hyper and I guess obvious is the word I'm looking for. He is much more relaxed and confident and calm. Read: No more personal bodyguard standing with his back to me as I get in the car, eyes darting in all directions. I mean, he's always been protective, but now he is much less intense about it all.

 Now. Here is some of what I have accomplished as a police wife in the past two years:

• I don't even flinch when I drive past or am parked next to a police car.
• I'm not shocked by anything
• I don't notice every little thing that HF is doing that is new to me or unusual. If I do notice it, I don't care.
• I still consider myself a rookie police wife because there is much to be seen or learned or dealt with.
• I can now roll with the punches. I still hate graves, but I can adjust to any schedule that HF finds himself on with finesse. I like that word finesse.
• I can sing Destiny Chid's Independent Woman and mean it (except he is my sugar daddy). I really have become an independent woman. I still need him and want him though. And I still need him to rescue me from our children on ocassion. . .
• I know which seat HF is going to choose to sit at when we go out, or which side to be on when we are walking so he can access his gun if needs be. This is done without much thought!
• I have learned to question later. If at all.
• I realize that even though the newness of LEO life that I blogged about so much in the beginning has worn off, it was an important process for me to go through as I learned to make sense of everything and transition into what would become our "new normal". I smile as I reflect on the early days and my inexperience and lack of full comprehension. But that beginning is so exciting and bizarre and mind opening and more, that blogging the journey helped me process that mixture of emotions (fear, excitement, pride, worry, etc.) and loneliness. I needed to know that others could relate and also tell me that it was normal (or not normal) and what to expect  in 5, 10, 20, or 30 years ahead.
• I also know that we won't ever have a steady pattern for the rest of his career even though in a way, it is a steady pattern or rhythm in way. Does this make sense?
• The importance of Dave Ramsey or other budget/debt elimination coaching

Some things I still need to work on:

• Technology. I still have a bad habit of not keeping my cell phone on or near me. This is a bad one!
• I still say things ocassionally like, "It's not a big deal!" or "Does that really matter though?" to his reasons for doing things (usually safety related).
• I need to stop reading the news! Especially the comment section where people who don't have any idea say all kinds of crazy stuff about cops.
• I need to not care or take so personally what friends/family say about cops in general.
• I still haven't taken care of that expired license thing...

This just in

HF has made the SWAT team.

We're gonna need a bigger closet. This is what the closet looked like 2 years ago:

Here's what it looked like today:

This is what we really need:

{image taken from here}

Except, you know that this men's closet wouldn't be filled with designer suits and drawers full of perfectly rolled ties. Each drawer would roll out and reveal a collection of knives, guns, grenades, etc. I think Jack Bauer has a room like this. Or it's his tricked out SUV that had the hideaway compartments of weapons. Maybe it's just HF, but I think that every guy wishes they had secret weapon rooms (press a panel on the wall in your closet and the wall flips around to reveal a bunker with flourescent lighting-guns of all types mounted to walls). This would actually be a very nice gear closet, wouldn't it? Someday HF. Someday. And now that I'm thinking about it, maybe I would like to have a drawer full of grenades. . .

a time in history that I would like to have far behind me

image from here

Well that was a big fat lie when HF said he was going to be posting this week. Sometimes he just flat out lies! Just kidding. The lack of posting is due to the aforementioned kidney stone issue which I thought was going to be the end of me. For real. It was nice however to lay low for a few days. One thing that I found quite amusing is that once when I came downstairs for water, I opened the fridge and all I saw were steaks and hot dogs and hamburgers. And that's pretty much it. I worried for my family's health, but went back to bed. HF blew through our allotted food budget money for 2 weeks in about 3 days. But that's okay. He was doing his best to hold the fort down. I always joke that he's like those guys in those Carl's Jr. commercials. "Without us, some guys would starve". Secretly I hope that he sees that what I do is kind of a big deal and without me he would literally starve or at the very least, be lost without me. Even though some of the aftermath leaves me with more to fix than I would like, I appreciate his part that he does to make our little family run.

The other reason for not posting in forever is because of major work-related drama. After many days of going going going, HF came home one afternoon after a particularly long day and I could tell that he was spent. He usually puts away his gear and other items, but today he dropped everything in a heap and stumbled upstairs to the shower. After his shower I listened for footsteps that would tell me that he was getting dressed and coming back downstairs, but I had a feeling that he would fall over on the bed and be out like a light. What happened next was automatic even though I never had to do it before. I checked over the gear he had plopped down and made sure that his gun was secured, and that anything else was put away or out of reach temporarily so that the kids wouldn't get into anything. Then I let him be. I told him later that I waited until I knew he was up to holler at the kids. It's true. As soon as I heard him walking around, I yelled at the kids. When he woke up, he was startled for a minute thinking that he hadn't put away his gun and other important things and I cut him off and said, "I know. I could tell you were going to crash so I checked everything and made sure". We didn't talk about it at all, but I tucked away that moment in my memory as one of our beautiful "in-synch" moments that remind me that we are "one".

These past few days have proven to be mentally and emotionally exhausting. Not to mention physically. After being encouraged to try out, HF completed the selection process for the swat team and was not happy with his performance. Everyone knows he is harder on himself than anyone else, but after hearing about his day, he did not perform as he would've liked to. He put it out of his mind, and I could tell he was relieved to have it behind him. We find out if he made the team soon.

HF's conclusion:

1. He doesn't make the team.  He tries out again next year.
2. He does make the team, and will spend the next few years proving himself all over again as the new guy. He would have to strive to be the best at everything; Shooting, physical fitness, etc.

Academy all over again anyone?

22 months on the job

image from here

It's been a while since I talked about what's going on with HF's job.

Patrol Update:
The usual: People feigning innocence, being jerks, lying, trying to ruin lives, etc. HF's department hired two new officers so he is no longer the lowest of the low. Ain't that somethin'. HF is testing a wireless microphone system that may be implemented for the entire patrol division. He is excited about that. I'll start sharing more patrol stories soon. They will include HF being asked out, people recording HF while he's interacting with others, being called a dirty cop, incredibly stupid people such as those riding skateboards and bikes and doing tricks on the police station's steps and rails and arguing with HF about it. "I didn't know that this was a police station", and other stupid quotes.

RAD Update:
HF is still a RAD instructor. He is not currently teaching any classes because of his new shift schedule, but assists when he can. A few weeks ago he gave an into class for a women's church group and that was a blast to see him in action as a teacher. He loves teaching and is good at it. He ended the class showing a couple of things that the women could do and they loved it. I think quite a few of them will end up signing up for RAD. That's the hardest thing for people to realize I think. They think that they can learn a couple of these techniques and call it good, but they don't realize that it's a lifetime endeavor and takes practice.

Besides HF getting the crap kicked out of him by a bunch of girls and coming home with bruises and welts, concussions and chipped teeth (yes, that's all with the red suit on), there is the ocassional happy story. One of the things that HF loves about teaching classes is that he gets to see transformations take place with these women. They start out weak and afraid, especially those who are survivors of rape or aggression. At the end of the class they are confident and strong. One of these girls, who is a rape survivor came back to class full of excitement. At the end of a date she was on, her date wouldn't take no for an answer (if you know what I mean), so she punched him in the nose, breaking his nose and screamed, "I SAID NO!" And she got out of there. I have never seen or met this girl and when HF told me about it, I was thrilled. That might sound strange to some of you to be thrilled that she broke somebody's nose, but for a woman, especially a rape survivor, to be able to do this is complete control over mind and body and it is a beautiful thing. It made my day to hear about this, and HF felt like what he's teaching them is worthwhile and important.

CJ Update:
It's true. She's back. Kind of. She has some kind of obsession with law enforcement and HF's agency specifically. Her current facebook status still says that she is a reserve detective for said department. Recently, she interviewed to become a dispatcher. Although we are still scratching out heads at how she landed the interview given her history with the department and her infamous FTO experience, she had an extensive interview. She brought elaborately decorated cupcakes for the entire center (which is nice) and HF's friend, who works in there said that she came in for a tour and said, "There sure is a lot of clicking going on in here!". Thankfully, her former FTO had sent a letter to the dispatch supervisor detailing some of her history. While this might seem cruel, if you kept up with her shenanigans while she was in the academy and on FTO, you would know that she needs to choose a career in modeling, hosting, interior design, or other social based enterprises. Seriously. Or there's news anchorwoman, air hostess, etc. You get the idea. Police work or dispatching  for her would put others in harm's way. For real. CJ Refresher course here.

SWAT Update:
I'll tell you all about it in March.

Personal Update:
If you've been reading this blog from the beginning, you know that HF has had a lot of success. He graduated top of his class, and while on the job has generally done everything right and has received a lot of praise. He is well-liked by his colleagues and even well-liked by some of his clients! He seems to have an amazing intuition about people and what to do in any given situation. Having said all that . . . lately, he has been really hard on himself and is showing a lack of confidence that is unusual.

Let me take you back 2 months. HF got in a minor car accident. He backed into a parked car. It didn't damage the police cruiser, but did cause some damage to the parked car. The result is that the department determined that he needed remedial drivers training. HF prides himself on his driving and it was a mistake he never thought he would make so early on in his career. He started wondering and really nit picking, "What else do I think I know but I don't really know?". It's like he is in the academy again. He is studying more and is being so hard on himself. Can you say perfectionist? The more he learns, the more he realizes he doesn't know anything. He is surrounded by a multitude of officers that have a decade (or two or three decades) experience on the job and he is trying to do as much as he possibly can now to offset what he lacks in experience. So anyways, what used to be your average game face getting ready for work each day, has turned into more intense focus and determination getting ready for work each day. I would love to hear your personal thoughts on this. For you more seasoned officers, is this something that happens periodically? For you newer officers, have you gone through this?

SWAT school: Day Two

yes, this picture is for real. image from here.

ME: (hugging) We missed you! Mmmmm! You smell good again! Are you using a new deodorant or cologne or something? You smell like essential oils.

HF: It's called gun powder.

ME: (like Homer Simpson) Mmmm gun powder. . .

HF: You really are cut out for this lifestyle if you think this smells good. Hahaha.

So today he came home with a shrapnel wound on his hand. That just about sent me over the edge, but he assured me it was normal, not a big deal, and that everything was safe. It ricocheted off one of the target stands in the CQB house (Close Quarters Battle). I held onto my faith and let the fear melt away.

HF threw his first flash bang grenade, he went through the entire house without making any mistakes in the shoot/don't shoot targets, every shot was a good shot. Basically, he was able to differentiate between which targets were hostages or bad guys. They did this all day, with each scenario becoming more complex.

I learned two things that day. The expression, "Do they yield to the shield?" Somebody jokingly asked this question when they were picking a restaurant to go eat at afterwards to see if they offered a police/fire/military discount. Don't worry, they weren't choosing a place based on this criteria. HF has mixed feelings about this. He doesn't look for or solicit establishments that offer this, but understands that some people want to show their appreciation and this is the way they want to do it. Anyway, that's a topic for another time.

The second thing: Slicing the pie. Finally an explanation! A while back Lt mentioned this cutting the pie business and the officers in the comments were echoing this sentiment, and I thought I was taking crazy pills. Okay people. Go ahead and slice that pie and eat that pie. Yum. Well, I am happy to say that I know what it means now! It's a tactical maneuver. Here's a little diagram I found to help those of you that don't know what in the world that means like I didn't.

Next time, I will talk about day 3 of SWAT school, which was scenario day.

SWAT school: Day One

We've had a sudden onset of illness here at the Fuzz household. As in the usual fashion, I didn't get sick until HF had a day off, which is weird how it always happens that way, but awesome because I get to crawl into bed. Poor guy dealt with our crazy kids all day and from what I could hear from upstairs, it wasn't pretty. Next to fall victim to throwing up was our 4 year old boy. I got up briefly to wrap him up in a blanket and put him in bed. Many hours later, HF crawled into bed, having thrown up himself after he put the kids to bed. Here it is 4 in the morning and I have had a lot of sleep and am wide awake for some reason. So I thought this would be an excellent time to talk about SWAT school.

Yes. SWAT school. HF recently completed a three day advanced SWAT school for the existing members of the team, but he was invited to attend pre selection, which is in January. There is a week long school that he will attend post selection once he makes the team. For three days he attended special training given by "industry professionals" (if you know what I mean- *elbow elbow, wink wink*). He loved every second of it. When he came home the first night, this is what happened:

ME:  Hi! Mmmmm. You smell good!

HF:  Really? That's called gun powder.

ME:  Oh. . . well mixed with your deodorant or something, it smelled good I guess. . .  How was it?

HF:  It was AWESOME.

He then began giving me all the details of the first day, and although I was paying attention, my ears perked up on "bullets whizzing past my ears" and I said, "Oh, you don't mean live ammunition do you?" It was as though I slapped him in the face. "What do you expect them to use? Of course it was live ammunition." My cool, calm, and collected self was having trouble breathing suddenly. He then explained to me how it works and suddenly I could recall a dozen or so stories of people dying during training. Ahhhhhh! Then I was okay like I always am. It's called faith.

On day one they did live fire shooting and moving. All day long.

That night he pretty much crashed into bed so he could wake up and do it all over again the next day. I came to bed a couple of hours later and I very carefully, as not to wake him, slipped into my side of the bed ever so carefully. Once into position, I looked over at him and he was smiling in his sleep! I couldn't help it, but a snort of laughter came out. He stayed smiling until who knows when because I fell asleep. I was hoping that it was me that he was smiling about, but I'm pretty sure it had to do with what he had been doing that day. The guy was in heaven.

Day one's training was in preparation for day two, which was live fire close quarters battle training.

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle by HF

I need to get this out of the way first because I just know I’m going to run into what I’m about to relate to you more and more:


I love our fair planet and do what I can to keep it clean. I am not anti-environment.  Okay now that that's out of the way, on with the story.

The other night my Sergeant and I caught this college student walking around with two mountain bikes. Both the bikes had impound tags on them (the city impounds bikes that have been left on racks or out on the street for a specific period of time. The tags are a way of telling the owners that their bike is about to be impounded). So we stop the guy and ask him if the bikes belong to him. He slowly pulls out his cell phone and starts to call a buddy.

Bike Boy: “Hello, uh Bobby…”

Me: “Sir, please put your cell phone away. We’re talking to you right now.”

Bike Boy: “Uh who told us we could take impounded bikes?”

Me: “Sir, please put your cell phone away.”

Bike Boy: “The guy at the bike shop? Yeah, that’s right. Okay. Bye.”

Me: “Sir, are those your bikes?”

Bike Boy: “Well, kind of.”

Me: “What does that mean?

Bike Boy: “I found these bikes and they have these impound tags on them so I figured that I could take them and try to use the parts from both of them to make a new bike for myself.”

Me: “Sir that’s theft.”

Bike Boy: (appearing shocked) “What?!”

Me: “Yeah, if it doesn’t belong to you, you can’t take it. “

Bike Boy: (with righteous indignation) “But the city is just going to destroy them anyway! I’m doing the city and the environment a service by recycling them!”

Me: “The city doesn’t destroy the bikes sir. After a set period of time in impound they fix them up and either sell them to the public or donate them to needy children. The ones they can’t repair, they actually recycle. Please step over here…”

Okay what’s the deal with people citing their concern for the environment as justification for crime lately? First the scooter girl and now bike boy. People, if you are really concerned with the environment and you are frustrated with the speed, or lack thereof, with which your elected representatives are attacking the problem as you perceive it, please don’t start a life of crime in an effort to speed up the process. It just doesn’t work. For some reason I just know I’m going to see this excuse more and more.

Tips From Lexipol: A Rookie Review by HF

As a rookie cop I’m always looking for ways to develop new skills and improve my existing set. One night I overheard this nerdy voice playing out over my patrol sergeant’s desktop speakers in the patrol office. The voice was touting the benefits of filling up fleet vehicles at the end of your shift. The guy made sense; and since common sense seems to be in short supply wherever I go, I had to find out who he was.


It turns out he was none other than Gordan Graham. I had no idea who Gordon Graham is so I asked my sergeant. If you don’t know who Gordan Graham is, check out his biography here. That night I subscribed to Mr. Graham’s tips from the company Lexipol. Every week I get an email from Lexipol with a link to a new tip that benefits public safety personnel . These are always informative and useful reminders or new bits of information that help keep me focused on my job as a police officer. The tips are not very long and just feature a small video of Mr. Graham speaking in the corner of your browser. His insight is accurate, concise and well presented.

Mr. Graham is an expert in risk management who knows what he’s talking about, especially when it comes to law enforcement. This is the kind of guy who I want giving me tips. Check it out for yourself if you’ve never heard of him. If you have heard of him, then I’m sure this is old but good news.

going green (by HF)

The other night I responded to a report of two people riding a motor scooter on sidewalks and pedestrian areas.  I hadn't looked too far when I heard another officer call out a traffic stop on the scooter I had been looking for.  I pulled into the parking lot where he had them stopped and proceeded to back him up. 

As I listened to the other officer talk with the driver it became apparent that there was a lot wrong.  On top of the fact that he was driving all over the sidewalks the driver didn't have the proper endorsement to be driving a scooter, he didn't have his drivers license with him, he had no insurance on the scooter and  the registration on the vehicle had expired 9 months ago. 

His girl friend just sat on the curb looking angry.  During a lull in the interview the girl looked up at me and asked me in a bitter voice,

"Why do you cops always keep your cars running?"

The other officer looked at me and smiled as if to say, "go ahead rookie, answer the nice lady's question."

"We're classified as emergency personnel and these are emergency vehicles.  We keep them on during stops for our safety and the public's safety."

She looked disgusted.  "Don't you realize that you're just polluting the earth even more than everyone else because you run your cars ALL THE TIME?  Why don't you get it?  What's wrong with you people?  You think you're doing so much good when in reality you're killing the planet by running your cars all the time.  Have you ever thought about that?"

I looked over at the other officer.  He just smiled as if to say, "now what are you going to say?"

"Shame on you ma'am," I began.  "Don't you realize that the federal government expects us to operate in a safe manner?  Shame on you for not living a green enough life style for the both of us.  Do you think I want to kill the earth every time I pull someone over? Such disregard for the law forces me to have to run my cruiser longer while I run and evaluate your information!  As a result of your actions, my hands are tied and now I have to live with the fact that the earth is a little deader because of all the violations your boyfriend here has managed to rack up this fine evening.  If you really cared about the earth, you would encourage your friends to obey traffic laws for the sole purpose of keeping my carbon emissions down!"

She looked at me and then quietly said, "your right officer.  I'm sorry."

The other officer and I were equally stunned and had to work very hard to maintain our composure throughout the rest of the stop. 

So tell your friends, obeying the law reduces carbon emissions from the police.  Do your part and go green.  Cause if we have to call out the tow truck to tow your vehicle to the state impound lot, I can guarantee you that guy's carbon emissions are a lot worse than mine.

SWAT: family day

when you think S.W.A.T. think Collin Farrell. That's really what it's like, guys. Not really.

One of the great things about the department that HF works for, is that he gets a lot of training opportunities. For the past few months he has been able to train with the SWAT team. In January, he will tryout for the team. Today was "family day" and the families were invited to BBQ and enjoy demonstrations put on by the team. HF didn't participate of course, but was invited to come and bring me and the kids "so that your wife will know what it will be like for you." This was an impressive group of guys.

Of course, I was mostly thrilled to be in the presence of so many other police wives and girlfriends. I don't mix and mingle with police wives from the department or in general so I was excited to meet some. Having police husbands may be the only thing we have in common, but really that's all it takes sometimes. Common ground is already covered, so what else is there to do than just talk. I love it. Oh, and there's definitely some drama happening with some of the police wives (lets out a long whistle). I can see where they get inspiration for crazy police wives like Tammy in Southland. Do you think I could ever be the subject or the cause of some pw drama? Hmm?

Also, upon arriving, I was surprised to notice that one of my childhood friends from home that I've known since I was four, but haven't seen in 10 years, was on the team. How random is that? We end up in the same city and state far away from our little town in California. He's a firefighter/paramedic and is one of the medics on the team. How wonderful to catch up with him and know that I'll have the chance to see more of him and his family in the future.

Anyway, they did demos (i.e. blowing things up) and they had a little station for the little kids to shoot airsoft guns. And they somehow cooked up some of the best burgers I've ever tasted! I had to leave early with the kids because of a babysitting situation (we left Beau at home) and the kids cried the whole way home because they didn't want to leave. Sadly they had to miss out.

The whole way home I just felt so happy. I contemplated how this feels like where I'm supposed to be exactly right now in my life. No matter the difficulties and trials that come with this chosen lifestyle, I feel up for it. I can do the work and I whole-heartedly support my husband and his goals. Who would think one could feel so much happiness at a pending SWAT team barbeque?

Like a prayer

It's been a long time since I've shared one of HF's on the job stories with y'all. Since I like to keep things light around here for the most part, here's one of the most unusual that I've heard in a long time that happened last night while HF was on duty.

HF and three other officers responded to an alarm at a local business. They found 4 college-aged males inside and arrested them without incident.  They brought them outside and based on the circumstances decided to issue the 4 guys misdemeanor citations with accompanying court dates and then let them go.  One by one each offender began crying as they were handed their citations.  They began asking the officers how this arrest would affect their future plans for schooling and jobs.  Then one of them asked, through his tears,

"Officers, will you pray with us?"

HF's old FTO was among the officers and the sergeant on duty for that night.  He responded with a resounding "No!" 

The boys looked even more dejected as the sergeant continued,

"We're the police and I don't like to mix religion with my enforcement activities.  Haven't you ever heard of separation of church and state?  We represent the law.  If you want to clear your conscience then go see your religious leaders but I'm not going to kneel down in the middle of the street and pray with you if that's what your after."

The boys looked at each of the officers as if they were pleading for a different response.  When they didn't get it, they went back to their car and stood in a circle.  Then they all knelt down and started to pray out loud.  HF and the other officers watched them until they finished and left the area.

HF's sergeant, who happens to be very religious himself, explained to the officers,

"I have no problem with prayer but officer safety and the impending lawsuit that would inevitably follow if we had prayed with these clowns is not worth the trouble."

Awesome.

Verbal Judo: A Rookie Review by HF

A couple months ago my department sent me to "Verbal Judo" training.  Verbal Judo or Tactical Communications was founded by Dr. George Thompson.  Dr. Thompson was a college professor who decided he wanted to be cop.  After some time serving as a police officer Dr. Thompson noticed that some officers were able to talk anyone into compliance while others, more often than not, ended having to go hands on.  Thompson began studying the officers who were able to generate voluntary compliance and eventually "Verbal Judo" was born. 

Today Verbal Judo is taught all over the world.  At the time I was sent to this training I had no idea how big a deal this stuff really is.  Several state POST boards have adopted Verbal Judo into their official academy curriculum and many federal agencies actively train in tactical communications.

My introduction to Verbal Judo occurred at a large hotel near the airport.  My class consisted of local, state, and federal law enforcement officials.  Almost everyone in attendance was a field officer with a few mid level managers (i.e., sergeants, etc.) interspersed throughout.  Our instructor for the entire course was Mike Manley. 

I was very skeptical about the quality of training I was about to receive when I walked into the conference room and saw one guy with a lap top and a projector standing at the front of the room.  All the tell tale signs of death by power point were present.  Our instructor stood and watched everyone intently as we all mingled with each other.  Then when it came time to start, it became apparent that we were in the presence of a master. 

Mr. Manley is a very polished professional speaker and instructor.  I looked around and it was clear that everyone was riveted on what he had to say throughout our training.  Yes it was power point, but it was dynamic power point, expertly crafted with an engaging speaker who has honed his skills in the training and presentation world.  Video clips and footage flowed very well into wonderfully timed and appropriate personal anecdotes taken from his long career as a New York City police officer.  Breaks were given regularly throughout the training and he never seemed to lose steam.  Throughout the training Mr. Manley would give bits of information about himself instead of the typical 10-30 minute introduction most speakers I've seen tend to do.  This was a nice change and worked well.  Each anecdotal story he told gave us a little more insight into who he was and kept me interested in what he had to say.

The course that I attended was a shortened course that condensed two days of material into a 9 hour block.  This was the only 9 hour power point presentation that I would gladly pay my own money to attend again.  It was that good. 

During the course of the day I learned some valuable skills that I have since implemented into my professional and personal life.  The meet and potatoes of the course are two styles of communications.  One is called the 8 step soft style and the other is called the 5 step hard style approach.  After learning about the three kinds of people in the world we learned how to communicate with them using one or both of these two styles in order to generate voluntary compliance.  Video re-enactments emphasized the main points and illustrated how these techniques can be used in every aspect of police work.  Manley frequently explained that these techniques can also be used with parenting and other personal communications. 

I went home with a new sense of empowerment.  I really felt as if I had picked up a new and valuable skill for my "tool box."  It has been several months now and I have seen a difference in my professional and personal life. 

On the professional side, I have adjusted my traffic and pedestrian stops to incorporate the two styles I mentioned above.  I have seen a huge jump in the amount of voluntary compliance I get from my "clients."  This may sound crazy but I am even being thanked by many of them after I arrest them or issue them a citation.  Who would have thought? 

On the personal side, I have found a new way to bond with my middle son Luke.  He has always been our difficult child who likes to argue and violate one of our big family rules: "Obedience The First Time, Every Time."  Since practicing my new found verbal judo skills with him, he feels like I listen to him and understand him.  He has told me this in his own way when no one else is around and has begun to follow this family rule. This training has really changed my life in a great way.

Verbal Judo takes practice.  One 9 hour course is probably the bare minimum needed to teach someone like me the basics.  From there I have found that practicing on a regular basis has helped me hone the flow of my tactical communications with suspects and the general public.

Verbal Judo is a perishable skill, just like almost every other skill we have to be proficient in.  If I get lazy and don't use it, I'll lose it.  I am always looking for new ways to improve as a police officer, I can honestly say that this is one of those skills that is helping me do that.  I have no doubt that many of the officers who are reading this are familiar with Verbal Judo.  But if you're not, you owe it to yourself professionally and personally to seek out this training and get proficient.  Tactical communications is a valuable tool that everyone should have in their tool boxes. 

life with a rookie cop

I thought I would show through the use of a bizzaro 80s music video, what life is like with a rookie cop. Obviously he's not afraid to wash his hair and he doesn't think that the people on tv can see him, but you get the general idea. Anyone else feel like they are living with Rockwell and Michael Jackson at times?

Rockwell's Somebody's Watching Me:
I'm just an average man
With an average life
I work from nine to five
Hey, hell, I pay the price
All I want is to be left alone
In my average home
But why do I always feel
Like I'm in the twilight zone

And I always feel like
Somebody's watching me
And I have no privacy
Whooooa-oh-oh
I always feel like
Somebody's watching me
Tell me, is it just a dream

When I come home at night
I bolt the door real tight
People call me on the phone
I'm trying to avoid
But can the people on TV see me
Or am I just paranoid

When I'm in the shower
I'm afraid to wash my hair
'Cause I might open my eyes
And find someone standing there
People say I'm crazy
Just a little touched
But maybe showers remind me
Of Psycho too much
That's why

I always feel like
Somebody's watching me
And I have no privacy
Whooooa, oh-oh
I always feel like
Somebody's watching me
Who's playin' tricks on me

Who's watching me
I don't know anymore
Are the neighbors watching me
Who's watching
Well, is the mailman watching me
Tell me, who's watching
And I don't feel safe anymore
Oh, what a mess
I wonder who's watching me now
Who
The IRS

I always feel like
Somebody's watching me
And I have no privacy
Whooooa, oh-oh
I always feel like
Somebody's watching me
Tell me, is it just a dream

one of those cheesy tributes

Yes. I'm about to post a cheesy lovey dovey post about HF. We celebrated 8 years of marriage on May 4th, although everyone we know corrects us that we got married on Cinco de Mayo. They call us on the 5th to congratulate us each year. That's okay. They can think it was the 5th if they want. As usual, I have been reflecting not only on this past year of our lives, but also of the past 8. I've spent time remembering the stories of when we met and what led up to our marriage, and what has happened these past few years since then. It's not all good. It's not all full of flowers and puppies, and rosy cheeks and giggles. Some of the hard times are difficult for me to reflect on, but I see the couple we are today as being a better couple than 8 years ago even though we might've been more bright eyed and touchy feely than we are now. One thing I've done this week is think of specific times where I knew that HF truly was the love of my life.

{cue dream sequence music}

I loved HF when I first saw him. He was everything physically that I ever dreamed of in a guy. It was weird actually, how he fit my "perfect guy" image to a T. Not only was he the best looking guy I had ever laid eyes upon, he had all the personality and talents that I found desirable in a guy as well. Isn't that what we all think at the beginning of a relationship? Well a couple of things stuck out to me after getting to know him. He was so kind. And so honest. He wears his heart on his sleeve. That is true to this day. He never says an unkind thing about anyone, and he doesn't fight or argue. . . {clears throat}This is pre police days folks.

The other night as we were falling asleep, I was snuggled up on his chest. I was listening to his breathing getting deeper and I knew he was drifting off to sleep. I said, "You would do anything for me". It was kind of like a surprised statement. And then I added, "you have". He squeezed me tighter to him and said, "yes. I would." I didn't mean it in the buy me diamonds and pearls and whatever I want way, but I saw with brand new eyes the kind of man he has always been and has grown into these last 13 years. If he knows that I want something or need something, he does what it takes to give it to me. I think that's in the nature of most men, but let me give you a few examples.

One day we were out enjoying the sun. I was 9 months pregnant with our first child. We were on campus of the school we were attending and there was a karaoke event. They were giving away free stuff to people who were participating. I saw a t-shirt I wanted. I said, "HF. Get me that shirt!" Without saying anything, he walked up there, and he sang, "Hit Me Baby One More Time" by Britney Spears. Not only did he sing it, he really got into it. He was better than Britney herself! At that point he drew a fairly large crowd of people. When it was over he walked back over to me and gave me the loot he won and life went back to normal. I tucked that away in my memory for keeps. Most people I know, myself included, would never in their lifetime make a fool out of themselves like that. He did it again a couple of weeks later. Except he didn't make a fool out of himself. He entered a talent show and sang a song that he wrote with his guitar. The song was about me. And about our baby that we were about to have. As tears filled my eyes, I realized that he had given everything to be with me. Literally. He sold his nice car, and sold a bunch of his music equipment so that we could be more comfortable. We were crazy and got married while we were still in college and without any monetary support from either of our families. A couple of crazy kids we were.

Now without delving into HF's growing up years, I'll just say it wasn't very good. To this day, his family doesn't realize the son they have. They don't praise him, they don't acknowledge his feelings and ideas. He has never been respected nor treated very nicely by them. He's never said anything and continues to treat them with the kindness and respect that he would want. Maybe they will never change, but he is a good example of someone who is Christlike, although he would humbly disagree. I love that I am his family now and that we are creating the family he wishes he always had. I love that I understand him and that he knows that I do. I love that I am usually good at knowing what his needs and wants are and vice versa. I love that my own family loves him and thinks the world of him. I love that he can now get what he's always needed. And I love that what I think about him is good enough for him.

The other thing about HF came as a pleasant surprise. You really have no way of knowing how good of a parent you or the person you marry will be. I never gave it much thought. Through the last few years I have noticed countless times the way HF talks to and teaches our children. He plays with them. I can tell that the kids need their daddy fix when he isn't home much or busier than usual. It's made me see how vital his role is as a father even though he is home so little. I beamed with joy at our daughter's birthday party when we needed to get things under control while we waited for parents to come and pick up their daughters. HF took charge and led them in games such as "Ballerina Says" (instead of Simon Says) and did all the ballet poses with them. He read them stories using different voices for each character, and when the girls began squealing and giggling so loudly in delight during one of the games, he put on his shooting ear muffs (I know, I know, I have no idea what you call them!) which made the girls laugh and squeal even harder.

HF saying, "Ballerino says, do the chicken dance!"

During the Olympic games in Beijing, HF would watch them with Daisy and explain the sports to her. I overheard him say to her more than once, "That's a girl that just did that. Isn't that cool? Girls can do anything. YOU can do anything you want to Daisy. Did you know that?" That made me smile. I don't know if he even thinks about it at all, or if it's because he was raised with a working mom, but I appreciate SO MUCH the respect that he gives me as a human being. It makes me feel strong and important and capable. But he also makes me feel beautiful and feminine and wanted and needed. And isn't that what every woman wants to feel? I've decided he has a gift.

Okay you can throw up into your waste bins now. Thanks for allowing me this cheesy moment. I promise I won't do it again for a while. . .

a typical conversation

Hello.

I've been missing and have also been highly unmotivated to blog. We have had a busy last couple of weeks and then this past weekend we went to my brother's wedding. It was lovely and we got to see lots of family. Then I find out today that my mom had exploratory surgery and some polyps were removed that they think are benign? They didn't tell anyone about it. My sister just happened to call my dad and he said he was at the hospital waiting for my mom to come out of surgery. Such is the way of my family. Not telling anyone anything so they won't worry. Or not telling you anything because it's none of your business! Here's a picture of my brother and his wife's first kiss after getting married. They will be living in San Diego.

Thank you Fabuleslie for the blog award. It doesn't come with any rules or anything and I'm not sure if there's an official name of the award, but it says, Circle of Friends Award. Leslie is hilarious. She's not an LEO, but she is a public servant. A first grade teacher! She tells funny school stories, shows some interesting finds in Austin Texas, and lots more. Thanks Leslie. I've been enjoying reading her blog.

Now onto the meat and potatoes. We are coming up on the one year anniversary of HF being an LEO. (One year ago, I was sayin', "what in tarnation does LEO mean?!") I started reading police blogs and police wife blogs and people were throwing around terms like LEO and the such and now I'm in the know! It's Law Enforcement Officer incase you were wondering like I was.

Lately I've been reflecting on the past year. One thing that came to mind was that whenever we get together with friends, the talk always turns into cop talk. Everyone wants to hear stories, and they have a story about a "bad cop" (or my personal favorite term, a rogue cop) that really screwed them over, etc. For the most part, HF is enjoying talking to close friends and family about the ins and outs of his job. Then there's that special category of people that I haven't yet categorized, but it's the kind of person or people where all you can do is shake your head and just simply know that they just don't get "it" and probably never will. 

Here's an example of some of the questions that HF gets on a regular basis from family and friends. This is from a text message sent on Sunday (let's call this person Rick): 

Rick:  hey, is making explosives against the law? LOL.

HF:  Yes.

Rick:  On what level. Federal?

HF:  All levels.

Rick:  Okay. Can you be charged after if you are on video?

HF:  Yes, and text messages are discoverable.

Rick:  And this conversation right?

HF:  Yeah.

Rick:  Well I didn't make any.

HF:  Good for you.

Rick:  Well gotta run

Do you know what I'm talking about? Sometimes people's questions are funny and not a big deal. And sometimes it just gets old. HF has had a few times when he doesn't feel like getting together with friends or family because he doesn't want to talk about work, and he doesn't want to command all the attention. It's also interesting to note that HF has said that sometimes it seems like people don't want to be friends because he's a cop or they do want to be friends because he's a cop. Lots of little changes that you don't really think about until they are actually happening I guess.

Shoot, Don't Shoot (by HF)

The other night I had an experience where I had to decide whether or not to shoot someone.  I was sent to a business alarm in the middle of the night.  Fortunately on this night I had a cover officer available and he was en route to back me up.  I waited outside for him to arrive.  As I was waiting I saw two people exit the property.  I identified myself and told them to stop.  They looked at me and ran.  My back up officer was in the area about to arrive as I was chasing the two suspects.  I identified myself again and yelled at them to stop and show me their hands.  One of them did, and as she turned around with one hand up in the air, the other one was holding an elongated dark object the way one would hold a gun; and it was pointed at me. 

What happened next was nothing short of amazing.  Time seemed to slow down.  My body started to react automatically.  I stepped off-line as I drew my weapon.  I yelled "Police! Drop the weapon!"  I felt my arms punch out into my shooting platform and I watched as the object stayed in her hand.  In my mind I saw my wife and children and as I obtained my front sight focus and placed my finger on the trigger the last thing that went through my mind was, "I am going home to them tonight." 

As I began to take up the slack in the trigger I noticed a blurry dark object drop to the ground.  My eyes sprinted to the suspect and I saw that she had dropped what had been in her hand.  My finger let off the trigger and I ordered her to the ground.  She immediately complied and I scanned and breathed.  During my scan I saw that the other suspect was returning.  I ordered him to the ground and he complied as well.  My cover unit arrived and together we took the two into custody.

The dark object turned out to be an older cell phone.  I asked her why she had pointed it at me and she only replied that she didn't know.  Knowing what I now know of the suspect, I think she was so scared of being chased and then caught by the police that she had gone into mind-lock and just had frozen up.  It was dark enough that it was hard for me to see exactly what the object was, but there was enough ambient light for me to be able to see how she was holding it.

The strangest thing about the whole incident was how comfortable I felt when it was happening.  I actually felt relaxed.  During the academy I read Lt. Col. Grossman's book, On Combat  and I remember reading about this kind of thing, but I guess I never thought that it would happen to me.  I never thought I would be comfortable in the heat of it. 

I have gone over and over this event in my mind to figure out what I could have done better.  How I could have waited longer or just radioed ahead their direction of travel.  I guess I didn't expect them to stop.  I got excited when I saw them leaving, they were so close to where I was waiting.  But I am constantly being reminded that this job can be very unpredictable. 

I am grateful for that automatic response.  And I know who gave it to me.  I am grateful to those men for the time and effort they put into preparing me for that moment when I had to make that decision.  I am glad that I didn't have to squeeze that trigger, but I'm also glad for that final driving thought:

I am going home to them tonight.

Perplexed: an HF update

These two things have me scratching my head lately:

1. A package arrived in the mail. It contained a black Miami Classic shoulder holster. HF ordered $200 of "leather gear" without discussing it with me. I told him he is lucky he works nights because otherwise I would force him to lie awake with me all night while we "talk" about this. He loves the shouldre holster by the way. I call him Don Johnson, or sometimes I prefer the more familiar, Donnie. 

    2.   HF has gone from looking like this (more or less):

to this (more or less):

Diego from Go Diego Go.

I have been calling HF Diego for a good part of a year now. I know a lot of you might disagree with me, but I don't find the tactical look the sexiest look of all. I admit, there are things that have grown on me over time, but mostly, I roll my eyes when he comes downstairs wearing his getup. When he's going to the range, or doing some training or whatever, not a big deal. It's another story when he and I are going out. I understand the need for functional clothing while concealing a weapon (or two or three. . .), but comeon!

Over the last few months we have been working out a compromise. Finding clothes that don't make him look like he's going to host the American Outdoorsman. That's all fine and dandy if that's the look you are into, but when he takes me out, that's not who I want to be with, you know? For example, last year he found these "awesome" fly fishing shirts at Sam's Club that would be great to wear at the shooting range not only because of the pockets, but the material was such that it would keep him cool. There was even a flap on the back of the shirt that helped to "cool him off". Okay. That's great. Just don't wear it to the mall with me or out to dinner! (which he tried to do every single time!) He loves this stuff. He dresses pretty much everyday like the "casual" or "off duty" section of the Police Headquarters magazine. Maybe I'm being a total brat, but I really detest the "Diego" look. Maybe that's why he's consistently doing this. . .

How do you (if you are an officer) or your LEO dress when off duty? Normal clothes? Just a size bigger to help conceal the gun? I've told HF not to worry. When I go shopping for him, I will make sure that the clothes I buy will still allow him to do this if when he needs to:

Die Hard images with Bruce Willis

Oh, and by the way, one of my favorite places to look for images now, thanks to HF, is imfdb.org. It's got tons of stills from pretty much any movie using guns. It's awesome. So if you are looking for any cheesy awesome action movie images, look no further. You can search by gun, movie, or actor. HF said I would thank him for telling me about this website. He's right! I love it.

Coast LED Lenser Reveiw (by HF)

When I was in the academy I had a firearms instructor who was very enthusiastic about flashlights.  One evening prior to a night shoot he gathered us around and began telling us his history with flashlights. 

"90% of your career will be spent in the dark.  How many flashlights do you think you'll need?"

We all looked down at our duty belts.  Everybody had one flashlight, most of them stream light Stingers.  We all immediately understood his point.  He went on to explain that there are various types of flashlights out there and that whatever model we would  choose to use or would be issued, we would need to become proficient with them.

He went on to detail his long history as a self proclaimed "light whore."  After several years he had become a fan of Surefire brand flashlights.  Most of us were familiar with Surefire lights and knew of their high quality as well as their high "gas mileage," when it came to pricier lithium batteries. 

He pulled out a light that was roughly the same size as a Surefire 6P.  He turned it on and illuminated one of the targets on the range.  It was bright.  He then went on to describe it:

"This light has a 100 hour battery life.  The bulb will last you your career.  It has a nice tail cap switch and comes with a retention lanyard.  It is made of aircraft grade machined aluminium, is shock proof, as far as I can tell so far it's water proof, and the best part is, it runs off of three common AAA batteries."

We were stunned.

"The best part is that you can get one of these at Lowes for $45.00.  I have eight of these guys now.  Don't get me wrong, I love my Surefire lights, but these are great lights."

That night I bought one and I've used it ever since.

I bought the Coast LED Lenser at Lowes home improvement store.  I paid about $45.00 for it.  It is about the size of a Surefire 6P and will fit in a 6P duty belt holster without any issues.  The light is made of heavy duty aircraft grade aluminum, and comes with six AAA batteries.  Three batteries were already in the light and three were packaged seperately in the clamshell packaging.  I replaced the batteries as soon as I got it out of the packaging since I didn't know how long they had been in there and how many times the light had been left on while in the package at the store (the packaging allows shoppers to test the light). 

The lens of the flash light features a prominent "bubble," that acts as a magnifyer.  The light has the abilty to adjust the beam much like a mag light, which I love.  The light has rubber/silicon O rings where they need to be to keep out water, dirt, etc.  The body of the light is textured, though not very deeply, and the tail cap is a dome shape that protrudes slightly from the tail end of the light.  Adjacent to the tail cap is an indentation with a hole for the attachment of the included lanyard.  A flimsy (probably 200-300D) black cordura sheath comes with the light as well.

The light has performed wonderfully for me in the field.  The tail cap allows me to use more gross motor skills when activating the light with my thumbs instead of looking for that little button near the head of so many other flash lights I've used.  The tail cap allows me to activate a "momentary on" style of activation by using slight pressure without clicking the light all the way on if I want to, which is important to me.  The light's size is great for shooting with.  I can use a number of techniques effectively with this light due to the compact size and the functionality of the tail cap.  The adjustable beam of the light is nice when I want to focus a direct beam at something or widen it out while "umbrella'ing" a room.

There are a few things that I don't like about the light.  The shallow texturing is lame.  I like grippy surfaces especially when wearing gloves and in bad weather. 

The tail cap, while effective, could be a little more robust.  I would like to see it protrude a little more from the body of the flashlight.  Even a rubberized tail cap that contrasts with the metal body would be a welcome change for me. 

The included accessories suck.  The lanyard is a joke and is more meant for wearing around a boy scout's neck than equipment/weapon retention.  The lanyard hole placement could be better too.  The holster/pouch is also lame.  Not very robust and has a red graphic on the outer flap which I don't like.  There is no defense/strike bezel.  I love strike bezels.  The light as it is could be used as a weapon in a pinch (everything is a weapon) but a bezel would be nice. 

The light could be brighter too.  83 lumens is pretty bright but I'd like something brighter.  As of this writing Coast has introduced a tactical line of lights and the updated version of the light I have is now shining in at 105 lumens with a run time of 120 hours on three AAA's.

So keep in mind the light I'm reviewing is almost a year old and flashlight technology, especially LED technology, is like computer technology.  Every 6 months it improves by leaps and bounds. 

This light has proven to be affordable, tough, bright, and very usable as a law enforcement light.  I love that it uses a common and readily available power source that won't break the bank.  The light is cheap enough that you could buy a few of these for the car, bail out bag/go bag, duty belt, pocket, etc.  The burn time is amazing.  After about 50 hours I did notice degredation in luminous output. It dropped from 83 lumens down to about 63.  The 100 hour burn time is actually pretty accurate.  I have changed the batteries once since I installed the new ones right after I opened it up out of the packaging.  I work nights and I have used this light extensively. 

I will be buying the upgraded version that is now available for the same price as the original, at Lowes.  In addition to the Coast LED Lenser I own a Stinger rechargeable light, triple D cell Mag light, standard mini mag light, One Surefire 6P, a Surefire 660 classic weapon light, a triple C cell Outback light, and an insight pocket light, and a UTG 200 Lumen weapon light.  I'm afraid I'm just beginning my light whoredom. 

Spouses, these make great gifts...