Thursday, October 27, 2011

Depressing Topics: Funerals

HF was driving me to the airport early in the morning. He was listening to one of his favorite artists, David Gray. The song, The One I Love, came on and while were listening to it in silence, he said casually, "If something happens to me and I die, this is the song I want played at my funeral. I didn't say anything. He then went into detail, giving me instructions as to what I should do if he dies. I guess we haven't fully talked about this. I avoid the subject of death at all costs. I don't want to think about it. Like, I don't even go to funerals unless it's someone I was close to and even then I don't go to the viewing. But I listened to him. I know that it's something we need to talk about in more detail. We should make plans for the "just in case". We have life insurance, but that's it. We haven't done anything else or made any other kinds of plans.

I reached over and squeezed his hand tight as we drove the rest of the way to the airport. I feel confident that HF won't die, but I want to be prepared. I don't want to have to think about any details if the worst happens. So that's my next project. Getting our Will and Testaments together and such. Any advice? Where should I start? How have you prepared for the "just in case"? And have you heard this song? It's beautiful.

The One I Love
Gonna close my eyes
Girl and watch you go
Running through this life darling
Like a field of snow

As the tracer glides
In its graceful arc
Send a little prayer out to ya
'cross the falling dark

Tell the repo man
And the stars above
You're the one I love

Perfect summers night
Not a wind that breathes
Just the bullets whispering gentle
'mongst the new green leaves

There's things I might have said
Only wish I could
Now I'm leaking life faster
Then I'm leaking blood

Tell the repo man
And the stars above
You're the one I love
You're the one I love
The one I love

Don't see Elysium
Don't see no fiery hell
Just the lights up bright baby
In the bay hotel

Next wave coming in
Like an ocean roar
Won't you take my hand darling
On that old dancefloor

We can twist and shout
Do the turtle dove
And you're the one I love
You're the one I love
The one I love


Deputy's Wife said...

The only thing Hubs and I have prepared is starting to look into me adopting Babygirl. If something happens to him, she goes back to live with the egg donor and NOBODY (including BG) wants that to happen. Other than that, I have no earthly idea what Hubs wants...

Slamdunk said...

We try to be planners--we have updated wills, and folks willing to stand in for us as parents if we both should go.

It is one of those things that just has to be done well when kids are involved.

Anonymous said...

Hard to think about but something all officers need to plan for. I think it lovely that you held his hand. You give him a reason to return home every day. That is sometimes the difference between life and death.

John Rambo's Wife said...

I think you are on the right track just talking about it. Planning is important even though its hard. Its the grown up thing to do. I want to know that our children will be cared for and their custody not going to the decision of the state if we both die. I want to know that if someone ever shows up on my doorstep tell me JR is gone that I will be able to handle it. I want to have the info together...a family emergency binder. One place where you yourself can either access all the info or if you can't do it you can hand it to someone else and they will know who to call for you...because in the moments of crises it is a rare few that are able to keep it together. I remember a friend after a car accident not being able to remember her daughters phone number because of the shock. So it may not be that you even need it for that "big life moment." It may be that you need things like your insurance policy number when your basement floods and you can't find it me last fall. I never want to be caught in a bind like that again.

Good on you for talking about it and posting about it. Update us on what you decide to do and the steps you take. It would be a good resources for a lot of LEO families out there. :)

Sandra said...

You've taken the first step, which is to talk about it.

We didn't have our Last Will & Testament written up until we had children, which was probably too late. Besides that, I know what my hubby wants, but I'm not he knows what I want.

Thank you for bringing this up, as it's a very important discussion every couple needs to have.

mohd hafifi said...

come here from Malaysia =)

bulletproofvest said...

I salute you for opening this kind of topic. Since this life is only borrowed, let us make the most out of it.


Kandi said...

I am so glad I found your blog! My husband is currently in training for our State Law Enforcement Agency. It isnt something I am not wanting to think about. But know it is a possiblity. And if it does happen I will have the comfort of knowing he died doing a job he dreamed of. I am ready for this adventure of Law Enforcement life!

Melodee, said...

You can get an EOW (end of watch) planning guide from the Wives Behind the Badge site. It really is a good thing to get at least some of it down in writing. Your department would need to know your and his wishes in their planning.

Really not trying to be morose or anything, but . . . some things to keep in mind:

Do you have someone in mind from whom you'd prefer to get "the word?" We had a deputy friend years ago (cop humor here) who wanted to be the one to tell me if anything ever happened. He said he'd come to the door and ask, "Is this where the Widow Smith lives?" That was in my younger, hotter days. :o)

Our department would like to keep the information on file at the PD. . . they don't actually have it, but they'd like to. Small department, lack of organization and follow-through. That's ok. The HR person is a friend and she has her act together.

Know which guns are his and which ones belong to your department.

Who are his best friends? Who would he want to be a part of his honor guard/pall bearers? Who would you want to be your liaison with the PD for arrangements, details, etc. You don't want a million people calling you and asking you questions, so it's wise to have one person you trust, with whom you're close, who's willing to act as your representative.

Who would he want to eulogize him? Who would you want? Does he want wives to sit with their husbands during a service or does he care? Do you? How much say do you get in his service? Our department is very small so what I would want would be followed.

That's off the top of my head. It's a good thing to at least be aware of for EVERYONE. We're just more attuned to it.