How to scare the crap out of your spouse

Rescue Randy

Borrow one of these from one of your paramedic buddies. After your shift is over at 4 am, bring it home and put it in your wife's office. Then when your wife takes your toddler back to bed after one of his nightly visits and she passes by the office and sees the silhouette of a man, she will have a heart attack.

HF brought this home last night and everytime I walk into the office, my heart briefly stops beating until I realize that it's not a real human. HF said that he was going to put it in the back of the van sitting up, but he was afraid I would wreck the car. He isn't borrowing it for work related reasons. He's a scout leader (yes let's add that to his list of things that he does) and he's using it this week for something scout related. I can't wait for it to get out of here. The kids are also equally freaked by it.

There's no picture of this, but the other thing you can do do scare the crap out of your spouse, is bring home a big box that has hazard stickers and other codes on it and state that it's a box of grenades and has to be stored inside the house. Okay, if you haven't figured it out by now, I'm the kind of person that worries about our gas heater exploding and blowing up our house and our bodies in the process. I also worry about toilet snakes, the garbage disposal randomly going off, and other not likely spontaneous combustions. So all I could do was watch in concern as HF placed this box up on a high bookshelf. Then I asked him if they would explode. He laughed and said they were locked, etc. That's not good enough for me. I pretty much obsessed about it the whole day until he took them with him the next day.  They came home with him every night for a whole week. I had bags under my eyes and a sore neck. I hate grenades. Even if they are flash bang grenades.

I know he has plans for that dummy for the next few days. It is written in his face. That means I will be sleeping with one eye open this week.