When your husband's shift starts at 9 pm, it really starts at 8 pm. He has to get to the station, get dressed, get his "act" together, and then has to be briefed at 8:45. So note to self: 9 pm to 7 am = 8 pm to 8 am more or less. I call it "boy time" when HF tells me how long he will be gone and then is not back for some time after that. For example, HF will say, "I'm going to go over to Bob's house for a couple minutes to pick something up. I'll be right back". Then I calculate that into boy time. For those of you not sure how to calculate boy time, it is 2 minutes for every 1 minute. So if they tell you that they will be gone shooting guns for 3 hours they are really telling you that they will be back in 6 hours. So you can't really get mad at them if before leaving you say, "Dear, is that in boy time or regular time?" Just kidding. You can be mad.
I like his shift schedule right now. It's 4 days on, 3 days off. Right now he has Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday off. It's a little bit of an adjustment, but I think because of how much he has been going going going for the last year, anything is fantastic compared to that. This is the most we have seen him in a year! And we are loving it. Today he got to participate with other law enforcement agencies in the state, doing the torch run for the special olympics. He ran 3 miles and got to carry the torch part of the way.
Lesson #2 from HF's FTO: Balancing work and family life. He told HF to refrain from doing unnecessary overtime and to spend as much time as he can with his family. They talked about how he should establish now anything that I might not be willing to talk about pertaining to the job. I've already told HF a long time ago that I would love for him to talk to me about anything and everything so long as it doesn't involve sex crimes against women and children, or any crimes involving children for that matter. At the time I remember feeling a little guilty for telling him that. Like, what if he really needed to talk to me about something that is related to one of these forbidden areas, and bottles it all in because I told him he couldn't talk to me about those things, and then he loses his mind?! As you can see, I jump to conclusions rather quickly. Anyway, after he talked to his FTO I was comforted that there were other resources for him to turn to when he needs to. HF was definitely okay with my not wanting to talk about certain things, but I told him I was also okay with him "violating" the rules if he felt it were absolutely necessary. I really want to be supportive, but I have my limits.
Shortly after we were married and I was pregnant with Daisy, we were house sitting for some friends. We were watching television one night and HF stopped on an episode of Law & Order. I think it must've been the SVU version. Anyway, a girl was raped by a group of guys and they had a video of it in court, and although I know it wasn't real, it bothered me, but my reaction to it was so unexpected. I began sobbing uncontrollably and asked HF to turn it off. Then I sobbed uncontrollably it seems for the next few hours. It was crazy. Even though I haven't had the same reaction as that again, I still feel the same way. It's hard for me to watch/hear/see/read about those things. Violence or sexual violence involving women and/or children just send me over the edge.
So there's our first rule regarding work related issues that HF could bring home. Do you have any ground rules when it comes to discussing work at home? Is there anything that's off limits?