Monday, May 3, 2010

one year into police life II

new pw blogs:
Life as A Deputy's Wife
Learning As We Go

One of the most rewarding things for me since starting this blog has been discovering this giant network of police wives, cops, and like-minded bloggers. A year ago, I didn't think there were any police wives even blogging, and there weren't actually, at least, none that were specific to police life. Now as I look through the pw blogroll, I see that there are many of us, and more and more all the time. It has been a HUGE support to me through this first year of adjusting to police life. Thank goodness there are a lot of you that know what it's like and understand the intricacies of this lifestyle. For example, a friend of mine called me last night to tell me this really long story about how someone backed into her car and how she did everything right so she wasn't annoying and called the non emergency police number and so on. A few minutes later she was describing her interaction with the cop and to make a long story short "he was such a jerk!" Then she proceeded to tell me how she loves cops and is friends with a few cops, HF included, and that she was giving this cop the benefit of the doubt etc., but she couldn't begin to see that there are so many reasons why he might have been behaving the way he was. Or maybe he really was just a jerk. Still, I just listened to her, waiting for a point to her telling me all this. Then she said, "I just thought you would want to know about this." So now we are getting random phone calls from friends to report an interaction with an LEO? I just said, "Oh, okay. Thanks."

Anyway, back to my original thought. I love this community of bloggers. It's been a great help to me. I've learned a lot, had lots of questions answered, and have lots of laughs too. Being married to the law is an adjustment, but it isn't all hard. It can be a lot of fun too. There are a lot of sad things. A lot of issues and negativity, but I'm learning it's a part of life and we can determine how it shapes our beliefs and attitudes towards others and life in general. My life is better than it was a year ago. HF's job has enriched our lives for the most part. I hope it continues to do so. I am aware it isn't that way for everyone, but we feel fortunate that it has been a match for HF and our family. He still loves every minute of his job. And I don't know if this makes him a weirdo, but he even loves writing the reports. He loves all the details of the job. And I don't think it's a rookie thing. It's just him. Check back with me in 10 years or so and ask me if he like writing reports.

So if you are not on the blogroll of police wives, girlfriends, BFFs, moms, etc. and you would like to be, leave a comment or shoot me an email and I will add you. I'd like to think that there's something for everyone on there. It's a great way to connect with other significant others of LEOs. One of my goals with this blog has been to list pw and cop blogs so that they are easier to find. I had to do a lot of searching it seems to connect with pw bloggers. So hopefully if you are looking for police wife blogs and you've somehow found youself here, you can find what you are looking for.

More thoughts. There have been so many times this past year that I've written up a post in anger or in grief because of things that people say about LEOs or because of deaths in the line of duty, etc. and I end up not publishing it because I realize that most of you share the same sentiment. And I also realize that sharing these thoughts and feelings with the majority of the rest of the world will essentially get you nowhere. That's been one of the hardest things for me throughout this adjustment. Even well meaning friends and family members, after hearing what you have to say, still do not understand. The thing that really blows my mind beyond all comprehension is the general public's attitude. So there is no point in leaving a comment or writing a letter to a news article or forum thread that is speaking untruthfully or biased towards law enforcement. You will get nowhere! It's best to let it go and let your actions speak. Well I'm mostly speaking for myself. There are plenty of you that have a way with words that are likely to get through to people.

Although it is difficult for me, I am becoming more thick-skinned and able to let a lot of things go and not take things so personally. A moment of triumph came for me at a salon a few weeks ago. I was getting a pedicure and listening in on a conversation a bunch of other women in there were having. It started out that one of them was late to her appointment because of "some SWAT standoff". She described the scene and what the officers were doing and then the inevitable what they should've been doing etc. Whatever. I didn't let it bother me. Then they all began discussing classic stereotypes. You know, the ones that usually begin with phrases like, "All cops. . . ", or "every single cop I know. . . ". In my mind I had a perfect statement for this group of ladies. But, what would be the point? So I tuned it out. I didn't let it upset me.
This is turning into a tangent. I think you get what I'm saying though, right?

Police Wives Unite!


April E. :) said...

It's been great to get to know you! Thanks for being so open about your journey as a police wife...I wish I would have had this community 7+ years ago when I became a LE Wife! It's been great to meet all the ladies and for all of us to share together!!

Stacia said...

Totally get you when you said you don't comment on news threads etc... Our city is currently at odds witht the mayor over where to start building the new police dept. that has been in the works for over 4 yrs. But as a new mayor he wants to basically start over. A lot of the comments on the news posts make me want to scream and write a response, but I just take a breath, and move on... like you said actions speak louder :)

Mama Hen said...

Your friend who called you made me laugh. So been there! We actually got a call once from a friend who's wife had received a speeding ticket during a thunder storm and he wanted to know how "legal" the ticket really was. My husband was so good about it too, responding how I'm sure he must with most of the public.
I'm glad the LEO life has been a blessing to you. It has been for us too and I can't imagine my hubby doing anything else!

Mandy said...

Yeah you definitely need to develop thick skin, and learn how to bite your tongue as a police wife....even friends of our have been known to complain about being pulled over by the 'pigs'...and right in front of us!

Dori said...

Thick skin and quick husband has received numerous texts along the lines of "OMG...people! They're so stupid!" And with that little vent, I'm fine. :)

And, YOU, Mrs. one short year you've sort of become the "hub" for us blogging police wives and all of the other LE people that come through here. Thank you! You've been pretty amazing with that.

Deputy's Wife said...

Thanks for the mention! To be honest, before hubby was hired as a deputy, I had never paid attention to all the negativity toward police officers. Now, anytime someone mentions one, my ears perk up. Mostly, attitudes are negative, and I was shocked to learn that. The police are either too nosy and controlling, or not doing enough. I'm not one who can easily bite her tongue, but I suppose I will need to learn. :-)

KD said...

Police wives unite, indeed. :) So happy to have you here, Mrs. Fuzz.

Speaking of "do you know" ~ one of our friends called last night to ask DH what they should do about the drug dealers on the corner of their building. :) And they don't live in his jurisdiction.

Sister Copinherhair said...

I'm so glad I found your blog. This community of women has been a huge reason why Indubitably and I have lasted this long. My girlfriends are great but I turn to all of you to really understand what it takes to love an LEO. Not to mention, you're cheaper than therapy. ;) But next month, it will be a year and I owe it to you and all of these other ladies.

FabuLeslie said...

I like reading this as a fellow public servant, but someone with no real connections to the police. Kinda like a fly on the wall. Very informative. And I always love a different perspective from my own. I've always had great experiences with cops. Except when I am speeding, and well, that's because I am choosing to speed, so I'm pretty good at not blaming them. I really appreciate all you families do to help keep our communities safe. I know it's a lot of sacrifice. K. That's it from this first grade teacher. :)

Slamdunk said...

Congrats on your good blogging here. It is amazing the connections that can be made for those families involved in the profession.

5ohWifey said...

Comgrats on making it through the first year! As a new pw blogger myself I am for the first time seeing that there are many other pw who need this kind of forum for communication and connection. It's nice to know that other women 'get it'. I'm going to go through your pw blog roll call and see if I can't connect to a few more people. Tha is for sharing!

Cop Mama said...

Yes, a thick skin is a necessity. Try having people say it to your face! But oh well, God bless em!

Congrats on one year of blogging and helping build a community of police wife bloggers. That's awesome!

Jenney said...

It is so hard to let ugly comments roll off our backs, isn't it? This has been a tough week for us because a police/fire levy didn't pass and we are going to lose several officers and things are going to be more and more dangerous. I know people who didn't vote for it because they didn't want a tax increase. Wait till they call for help and there aren't enough officers on the street to get to them. Wait till they see their insurance premiums go up because they are closing a fire station in our city. I think they may be sorry, but I can't say that to their face.
I get so upset because my husband would put his life on the line for them, but they won't vote for him.

My blog isn't specifically about my life married to an officer, but I do post about what he does as often as I legally am able.

Carla said...

I just found your blog. I can't wait to get into reading more of it. My husband and I have been married for 8 1/2 years, most of those he was in the Air Force. He graduated from the academy in March of 09 and we also have to kids (boys), ages 7 and almost 4. Sounds like I'll be in good company.

Tia said...

Ahh! So glad I found this (super easy by the way)!! I guess I'm a pg (police girlfriend?), not quite at pw status yet hehe. Anyway, we've been together for three years and I've been there with him from the very beginning.

The way his dept works is that you go through field training and then unfortunately are stuck in courts for a while, (6 months to a year). He'll be going out on his first stent of patrol in January, so I'm trying to enjoy his 9-5 court schedule as much as possible since whatever beat he gets assigned to will be his for a year. He put in for midnights and swings, so our schedules will be complete opposites.

Any words of wisdom for a newby?

Also hoping you can add me to the loop :)