interview with a police wife

Have you ever wondered why I chose the name Mrs. Fuzz?

Do you want to know what a typical day is like for me?

Well now you can finally find out! I answer these questions and a few others for Yellow, a fellow police wife, over at Ammo in The Dryer. Check it out if you are interested. And check out her blog while you are there. She is a funny girl.


{image from here}

since the last time I was here. . .

a few more police wives and/or police pals, for lack of a better term, have popped up:

Mrs. Gumshoe
The Story Lady
A View From the Porch
That Ladybug

I feel like I'm missing somebody. Let me know if I am. I also just wanted to say thanks for all the wonderful comments that everyone leaves and for the emails I get. I have been AWFUL at commenting myself and responding to emails as of late so I want you to know that I appreciate it very much.

If you must know where I've been, I've actually been going to bed early. So no late nights at the club as usual (sarcasm there). Just going to bed early because my kids are rocking my world! Last night both boys wet their beds at the same time. 4 year old came and got in bed with me, wet clothes and all. I woke up when I realized I was soaking wet. I changed the baby's diaper, was too tired to change the sheets on both beds so I put blankets over the wet spot and put them back to bed. Is that bad? Then baby proceeded to scream his head off for forever. I texted HF about the insanity, mostly in an attempt to keep a sense of humor about the horror of the situation and you know what? I don't know how he pulled it off, but he ended up coming home early and he put me to bed in the guest bed since our bed was now soaked. He got in bed too. In the morning, the kids couldn't find us for awhile. It was nice. Anyway, it's been seriously WILD these last couple of weeks with the kiddos. So I am tired.

We've also been fixin' our place up a bit, and I've been cookin' a bit so I don't have to cook everyday, and shoppin' and so on. I've also been doin' a bit of gardenin' too. Here's some pics of what's on my balcony (I don't usually leave the g's off of my words, just feeling a little bit country tonight):

please don't pay attention to our busted balcony

mostly everything looks like this, but still exciting

and there are a few red ones too! I've noticed some neighborhood birds have been eyeballing these plants as well. What should I do? Cover them with nets? Get an owl decoy??

This weekend my HF's baby brother and his wife will be visiting for memorial weekend. We have a jam-packed weekend of fun waiting for them (fingers crossed) It's also the last week of school for Daisy.

I'll be back tomorrow with a very important question for all police wives/spouses. I'm trying to make you all curious so you'll really come back tomorrow. Did it work?

one of those cheesy tributes

Yes. I'm about to post a cheesy lovey dovey post about HF. We celebrated 8 years of marriage on May 4th, although everyone we know corrects us that we got married on Cinco de Mayo. They call us on the 5th to congratulate us each year. That's okay. They can think it was the 5th if they want. As usual, I have been reflecting not only on this past year of our lives, but also of the past 8. I've spent time remembering the stories of when we met and what led up to our marriage, and what has happened these past few years since then. It's not all good. It's not all full of flowers and puppies, and rosy cheeks and giggles. Some of the hard times are difficult for me to reflect on, but I see the couple we are today as being a better couple than 8 years ago even though we might've been more bright eyed and touchy feely than we are now. One thing I've done this week is think of specific times where I knew that HF truly was the love of my life.

{cue dream sequence music}

I loved HF when I first saw him. He was everything physically that I ever dreamed of in a guy. It was weird actually, how he fit my "perfect guy" image to a T. Not only was he the best looking guy I had ever laid eyes upon, he had all the personality and talents that I found desirable in a guy as well. Isn't that what we all think at the beginning of a relationship? Well a couple of things stuck out to me after getting to know him. He was so kind. And so honest. He wears his heart on his sleeve. That is true to this day. He never says an unkind thing about anyone, and he doesn't fight or argue. . . {clears throat}This is pre police days folks.

The other night as we were falling asleep, I was snuggled up on his chest. I was listening to his breathing getting deeper and I knew he was drifting off to sleep. I said, "You would do anything for me". It was kind of like a surprised statement. And then I added, "you have". He squeezed me tighter to him and said, "yes. I would." I didn't mean it in the buy me diamonds and pearls and whatever I want way, but I saw with brand new eyes the kind of man he has always been and has grown into these last 13 years. If he knows that I want something or need something, he does what it takes to give it to me. I think that's in the nature of most men, but let me give you a few examples.

One day we were out enjoying the sun. I was 9 months pregnant with our first child. We were on campus of the school we were attending and there was a karaoke event. They were giving away free stuff to people who were participating. I saw a t-shirt I wanted. I said, "HF. Get me that shirt!" Without saying anything, he walked up there, and he sang, "Hit Me Baby One More Time" by Britney Spears. Not only did he sing it, he really got into it. He was better than Britney herself! At that point he drew a fairly large crowd of people. When it was over he walked back over to me and gave me the loot he won and life went back to normal. I tucked that away in my memory for keeps. Most people I know, myself included, would never in their lifetime make a fool out of themselves like that. He did it again a couple of weeks later. Except he didn't make a fool out of himself. He entered a talent show and sang a song that he wrote with his guitar. The song was about me. And about our baby that we were about to have. As tears filled my eyes, I realized that he had given everything to be with me. Literally. He sold his nice car, and sold a bunch of his music equipment so that we could be more comfortable. We were crazy and got married while we were still in college and without any monetary support from either of our families. A couple of crazy kids we were.

Now without delving into HF's growing up years, I'll just say it wasn't very good. To this day, his family doesn't realize the son they have. They don't praise him, they don't acknowledge his feelings and ideas. He has never been respected nor treated very nicely by them. He's never said anything and continues to treat them with the kindness and respect that he would want. Maybe they will never change, but he is a good example of someone who is Christlike, although he would humbly disagree. I love that I am his family now and that we are creating the family he wishes he always had. I love that I understand him and that he knows that I do. I love that I am usually good at knowing what his needs and wants are and vice versa. I love that my own family loves him and thinks the world of him. I love that he can now get what he's always needed. And I love that what I think about him is good enough for him.

The other thing about HF came as a pleasant surprise. You really have no way of knowing how good of a parent you or the person you marry will be. I never gave it much thought. Through the last few years I have noticed countless times the way HF talks to and teaches our children. He plays with them. I can tell that the kids need their daddy fix when he isn't home much or busier than usual. It's made me see how vital his role is as a father even though he is home so little. I beamed with joy at our daughter's birthday party when we needed to get things under control while we waited for parents to come and pick up their daughters. HF took charge and led them in games such as "Ballerina Says" (instead of Simon Says) and did all the ballet poses with them. He read them stories using different voices for each character, and when the girls began squealing and giggling so loudly in delight during one of the games, he put on his shooting ear muffs (I know, I know, I have no idea what you call them!) which made the girls laugh and squeal even harder.

HF saying, "Ballerino says, do the chicken dance!"

During the Olympic games in Beijing, HF would watch them with Daisy and explain the sports to her. I overheard him say to her more than once, "That's a girl that just did that. Isn't that cool? Girls can do anything. YOU can do anything you want to Daisy. Did you know that?" That made me smile. I don't know if he even thinks about it at all, or if it's because he was raised with a working mom, but I appreciate SO MUCH the respect that he gives me as a human being. It makes me feel strong and important and capable. But he also makes me feel beautiful and feminine and wanted and needed. And isn't that what every woman wants to feel? I've decided he has a gift.

Okay you can throw up into your waste bins now. Thanks for allowing me this cheesy moment. I promise I won't do it again for a while. . .

one year into police life II

new pw blogs:
Life as A Deputy's Wife
Learning As We Go

One of the most rewarding things for me since starting this blog has been discovering this giant network of police wives, cops, and like-minded bloggers. A year ago, I didn't think there were any police wives even blogging, and there weren't actually, at least, none that were specific to police life. Now as I look through the pw blogroll, I see that there are many of us, and more and more all the time. It has been a HUGE support to me through this first year of adjusting to police life. Thank goodness there are a lot of you that know what it's like and understand the intricacies of this lifestyle. For example, a friend of mine called me last night to tell me this really long story about how someone backed into her car and how she did everything right so she wasn't annoying and called the non emergency police number and so on. A few minutes later she was describing her interaction with the cop and to make a long story short "he was such a jerk!" Then she proceeded to tell me how she loves cops and is friends with a few cops, HF included, and that she was giving this cop the benefit of the doubt etc., but she couldn't begin to see that there are so many reasons why he might have been behaving the way he was. Or maybe he really was just a jerk. Still, I just listened to her, waiting for a point to her telling me all this. Then she said, "I just thought you would want to know about this." So now we are getting random phone calls from friends to report an interaction with an LEO? I just said, "Oh, okay. Thanks."

Anyway, back to my original thought. I love this community of bloggers. It's been a great help to me. I've learned a lot, had lots of questions answered, and have lots of laughs too. Being married to the law is an adjustment, but it isn't all hard. It can be a lot of fun too. There are a lot of sad things. A lot of issues and negativity, but I'm learning it's a part of life and we can determine how it shapes our beliefs and attitudes towards others and life in general. My life is better than it was a year ago. HF's job has enriched our lives for the most part. I hope it continues to do so. I am aware it isn't that way for everyone, but we feel fortunate that it has been a match for HF and our family. He still loves every minute of his job. And I don't know if this makes him a weirdo, but he even loves writing the reports. He loves all the details of the job. And I don't think it's a rookie thing. It's just him. Check back with me in 10 years or so and ask me if he like writing reports.

So if you are not on the blogroll of police wives, girlfriends, BFFs, moms, etc. and you would like to be, leave a comment or shoot me an email and I will add you. I'd like to think that there's something for everyone on there. It's a great way to connect with other significant others of LEOs. One of my goals with this blog has been to list pw and cop blogs so that they are easier to find. I had to do a lot of searching it seems to connect with pw bloggers. So hopefully if you are looking for police wife blogs and you've somehow found youself here, you can find what you are looking for.

More thoughts. There have been so many times this past year that I've written up a post in anger or in grief because of things that people say about LEOs or because of deaths in the line of duty, etc. and I end up not publishing it because I realize that most of you share the same sentiment. And I also realize that sharing these thoughts and feelings with the majority of the rest of the world will essentially get you nowhere. That's been one of the hardest things for me throughout this adjustment. Even well meaning friends and family members, after hearing what you have to say, still do not understand. The thing that really blows my mind beyond all comprehension is the general public's attitude. So there is no point in leaving a comment or writing a letter to a news article or forum thread that is speaking untruthfully or biased towards law enforcement. You will get nowhere! It's best to let it go and let your actions speak. Well I'm mostly speaking for myself. There are plenty of you that have a way with words that are likely to get through to people.

Although it is difficult for me, I am becoming more thick-skinned and able to let a lot of things go and not take things so personally. A moment of triumph came for me at a salon a few weeks ago. I was getting a pedicure and listening in on a conversation a bunch of other women in there were having. It started out that one of them was late to her appointment because of "some SWAT standoff". She described the scene and what the officers were doing and then the inevitable what they should've been doing etc. Whatever. I didn't let it bother me. Then they all began discussing classic stereotypes. You know, the ones that usually begin with phrases like, "All cops. . . ", or "every single cop I know. . . ". In my mind I had a perfect statement for this group of ladies. But, what would be the point? So I tuned it out. I didn't let it upset me.
This is turning into a tangent. I think you get what I'm saying though, right?

Police Wives Unite!

one year into police life

Alright, alright. I'm ready to come back to blog land. It's been a nice break. Do you want to know the real reason I haven't been blogging? The 18 month old is into everything, the 4 year old, like the t-shirt says, is hungry ALL THE TIME, and the 7 year old has just begun this odd phase of thinking there are germs and bugs in her food and water and I actually have a picture to prove it! Please tell me this is a phase and she's not going to be like Bill Murray in What About Bob?

What else have I been doing? I planted 6 boxes of strawberries on our balcony. Our co-op garden is huge. It's in a friend's backyard. They are a family of 6, our family of 5, and one other couple. We had a lot of success last year so we are doing it again this year. Right now we have spinach, broccoli, peas, lettuce, and one other thing I can't remember. That has already been planted. Next we will be planting our tomatoes, cucumbers, zucchini, yellow squash, peppers, carrots and herbs. I am really looking forward to it. We also have a strawberry patch there, but we decided to do our own as well since you can never have enough strawberries.

I've been reading, reading, and reading. I've also been watching a lot of movies and tv shows. Anything to occupy my mind from other stresses such as cleaning my house. And let me tell ya, it is a major pig sty right now. The other night HF came running down the stairs in a hurry to get out the door to work, and he kept tripping and stumbling over the messes in the living room. He looked at me in disbelief (since I'm usually quite OCD about cleaning) and I said, "what are you looking at?" It's so overwhelming I don't even know where to begin to clean. To aid in avoiding my household duties, I spent the entire day outside with a bunch of ladies in the neighborhood, some with kids and others single. It was a blast. We let the kids play while we looked at smutty gossip magazines like US weekly, and I got a sunburn! I have a purplish hue to my skin. That's how sunburned I got. And after dinner yesterday, the kids and I headed to a dia de los ninos fiesta and enjoyed some dancing and crafts. I have so far successfully avoided all household responsibilites for 3 days now.

This week marked the one year anniversary that HF began FTO. He also had another shift change this week. We are back to 10 pm to 6 am. Much better than the 7 pm to 3 am. He didn't get home until 5 or 6 anyway on that shift. This morning he didn't get home until 8 because he went out to breakfast with friends. Then I kept him up for another couple of hours after that. He also has some out of state training coming up, a new R.A.D. class he'll be teaching soon, and 2 full days of weapons training this week. Do you want to know the real reason I love 10p-6a? Get this. HF comes home in the morning and stays up. He'll make breakfast for the kids and get their clothes ready. He'll also get the treadmill ready. Then at 7:30 he'll wake us all up, he'll feed the kids and keep them out of my hair so I can work out. Then from 8-8:15 we'll have family scripture study, and then he takes daughter to school. I get showered, he gets home and goes to bed by 8:30 and voila! Day is off to a perfect start. But this only works in theory. He has to be home by 7 am or so. But you get the picture. Also, this kind of helpfulness kind of makes up for a lot of the sacrifices I make each day with the unpredictability of his work. I'm not always happy, but I have come a long way from being the dependent and needy gal I once was. We have also gone out on a couple of dates recently. And hopefully we can continue to do so on this shift.

HF is still doing really well. He still gets teased a lot by the other officers, he gets lots of compliments too. He's made a lot of good friends, he's had to buy a lot of gear. I no longer enjoy driving with him. I think he is the worst driver ever. Sorry HF if you're reading this. CCW sums it up just about right in this post. I'm assuming that it is another one of those rookie things. Fingers crossed. We continue to transition pretty smoothly for the most part into police life. We still fight about the same things. Mostly time management issues. I want him to stop sleeping, he wants to keep sleeping, etc. He will try and cheer me up by wearing his shoulder holster around the house-Bruce Willis style. I try not to show it, but it almost works! I will have more stories and updates next post. For those of you who still think about CJ, she is up to the same ol' same ol'. Still updating her facebook status that she is still working as a cop and will be promoting to investigations soon.

So that about sums everything up.

police wife blogs and more of an in depth look into my life

I'm still kind of MIA, but thought I would mention these real quick:
5oh wifey
ladybug family
Jess to Impress
my perfect little world
Toliver Family

I'm off to bed. But I won't be sleeping. I've got all this on my nightstand:

-children's book: One Lonely Sea Horse

-fittingly, a playmobil SWAT lego set (4 year old son loves playing on our bed)

-under the legos, my journal, scriptures, some magazines

-giant Shakespeare book of completed works (I usually read this when I really want to go to sleep. I really want to read the whole thing! Trouble is, I can't seem to make it past the first few sentences each time)

-books on top of Shakespeare: Emily Dickinson book of poems, Eat This, and Secret Life of Food by Martin Elkort

-books on right hand side: The Surrendered Wife (sounds horrible, but it's really good), a Bill Bryson book (title escapes me at the moment), I Love a Cop, and a marriage and parenting book (title also escapes me)

-Under table: a road atlas (planning road trip this summer), a binder of years and years of recipe clippings finally organized and used for menu planning, and one of HF's highschool yearbooks. It's just for resting the laptop on when I use it in bed. And no, I haven't drawn any mutaches on any ex-girlfriends, although I've thought about it.

And when I lay me down to sleep, I make sure that I am facing the opposite direction of this:

HF's nightstand. The stuff my nightmares are made of.

It's not too messy in this picture. But, the guy trashes it big time. Seen here is one of those heavy duty flashlights that you would use to bludgeon a would-be intruder, the laptop, a drawing from our daughter, Daisy, a radio for headphones, a mouse for the laptop, a phone charger, 3D glasses from one of the kids' books, Sherlock Holmes, On Combat, a mushy letter from me, some other books, a CD case of computer games (ugh), and my favorite. . . the box that was a package at one point, but now a place where HF throws anything and everything. The mess goes under the table and into the closet. Usually he has piles of clean and dirty clothes that he stores underneath the nightstand and in the closet is a box of his comic book collection, and another box of baseball cards, comic cards, and Star Wars cards among others. It's cool because it's like a treasure trove for the kids, but now there is a giant stack of boxes that were sent here as packages and now HF wants to keep them to ship stuff sold on ebay.

I just have organization OCD issues, that's all. I tortured HF on his days off by having him hang a bunch of stuff. I am the queen of things being centered and perfect. But who isn't?

When HF gets home at 3:30 5:00 this morning, he will ever so gently remove a book from my grasp, and without waking me, smooth back the hair covering my face. Then he will slowly lift me and place me on my side of the bed so that I am no longer lying diagonally across the bed. I will remain in peaceful slumber without snoring. Then HF will violently rip the velcro on his ballistic vest, waking me in a terror. He will remember that he promised to remove all noisy gadgets downstairs before coming to bed. Then he'll fall into a deep and immediate sleep, while I lay awake, trying to go back to sleep. While it's still dark, I will hear the pitter pattering of three children from across the hallway. Morning comes all too soon. And it's usually still dark when I hear the voices of my children fighting playing.

It's just another day at the Fuzz household!

I'll be back soon.

Until then, enjoy this "missing" cat picture captured downtown in my city:

joys, fears, goals, and obsessions

I've been tagged by April to list 3 joys, fears, goals, and obsessions. Here goes:

Joys
1.  Camping, hiking, spending time outdoors
2.  A happy husband and kids
3.  throwing or giving stuff away that we don't need or use

Fears
1.  My kids being screwed up because of me
2.  Dying a horrible and painful death
3.  Aging

Goals
1.  Buying a house
2.  Traveling the world
3.  to figure out this couponing thing and save lots of moula

Obsessions
1.  Southland, Chuck, LOST, The Office, etc.
2.  Fitness and Clean Eating
3.  organizing and cleaning my home

I'm supposed to tag SIX people:
1.  Monica at Loud and Proud
2.  Simply Complicated
3.  KD at Life While Handcuffed to a Lawman
4.  Jenney at The Drays Today
5.  Stephanie at Because of Love
6.  Mama Hen at Confessions of a Police Officer's Wife

personal post: another recap!

Good: I'm caught up on laundry! I tackled that massive mountain of laundry that was taking residence on our bed.
Bad:  I washed and dried a pair of HF's special tactical pants the "wrong" way and "ruined" them. Oops!

Good:  Friends visiting from AZ.
Bad:  Our kids fought with their kids.

Good:  Was able to run many errands this week and learn about couponing finally. Hopefully couponing will save us some dough.
Bad:  left the keys in the door each time I went out (even overnight twice!). I feel lucky to be alive.

Good:  We bought a dresser for the kids' room.
Bad:  We scratched and banged up our walls getting it up the stairs.

Good:  Stayed up the night before St. Patrick's Day making a bunch of these. I didn't have to buy anything. Already had all the supplies on hand. Well, except for the "gold" aka rolos.
Bad:  I ate like an entire bag of rolos while making them. . .

Good:  Ordered Daisy's birthday cupcakes from a "famous" cupcake bakery. These cupcakes are divine!
Bad:  My son threw a fit while we were in there, smeared his grubby hands and face all over the display cases and screamed at the customers and the workers, begging for food. People looked at me in disgust. It was one of the most embarrassing moments in parenting for me up to this point.

Good:  We have been sticking to a menu plan and a food budget and eating healthier.
Bad:  The dishes have been piling up and piling up because I'm the only one that does them! See for yourself. Don't you judge me. This is the part where you say you've been there too. Anyone?

Good:  Had a coupon for the Princess and the Frog for $10 off.
Bad:  Went on release day and apparently Disney is sold out of the blue ray and dvd combo pack that the coupon is good for.

Good:  We have been car shopping for a new van and found the perfect one that fit our budget and our taste.
Bad:  HF test drove it and drove it to our house and when he left to take it back, it wouldn't start. Lemon?

Good:  Went to Costco today to get a few things. Was able to feed my kids lunch in its entirety just from all the samples. (their black bean burgers with cayenne are delicious!)
Bad:  Forgot half of everything it seems: diapers (baby is wearing the last one as we speak!), agave, beans, etc. and they don't sell my favorite face wash anymore. AND a strange old man shuffled toward me with his cart with his fingers in a pinching motion at me. Just when he got close enough to "pinch" me, or whatever he planned on doing, his caretaker, daughter, whoever it was steered him away. I was going over in my mind how I would "kill" him. Remember HF's advice? "Be nice. Be polite. But have a plan to kill everyone you meet." Luckily I didn't need to take such action. Why do I attract the weirdos???

Good:  Our almost 17 month old is hilarious. He has such a great hearty laugh and is happy all the time and has a shoe fetish. He loves wearing our shoes. And he is so curious about everything. Busy and happy and healthy.
Bad: He "misplaces" one of each pair of shoes, climbs up to reach the sharp knives and will take one and run off with it with his arms swinging (scary) while I chase behind him to grab it before he pokes his eye out. Looks like I will have to move the knives. Again.

Good:  HF works hard to take care of us and to excel in his career. He has a good reputation, respect from everyone he comes in contact with, and has made a lot of good connections with the right people.
Bad:  He is gone a lot and sometimes I am tired of being without my "partner in crime". I did marry him you know, so I could spend the rest of my life with him.

Good:  A while ago, we rid our home of the mouse problem. Holes are covered up, everything is clean, traps have been placed in strategic locations just in case.
Bad:  I was so traumatized by the mouse problem that we had that every night without fail, before I go to bed, I sit in the middle of my bed listening to all the creepy house sounds that might mean the return of a mouse, or even a possible break-in. My heart races and I imagine the worst. Please tell me someone else does this. My imagination really runs wild when I sleep alone at night. Still not used to it. The mouse that we caught (humanely I might add), I made HF drive miles and miles away to let him loose in a wide open field. It's the same mouse I fear that will find its way back to our house. I really need to get a grip.

Good:  HF has another shift change coming up and gets Fridays and Saturdays off!
Bad:  His shift change is 10 pm to 6 am. (this is better than 7 pm to 3 am, but still not the most desirable shift. For me.)

M.I.A.

Recap of the week:

1.  Baby Beau has RSV. Doc says he is contagious for another 2 weeks.

2.  Everyone else has been sick too

3.  I woke up one morning this week and vomited on and off for a few hours. (this is what, the 4th time in      just a couple of months? My body is seriously screwed up! No, it's not what you're thinking)

4.  Contemplated that I could've gotten sick from the previous day's raw vegan get together I attended.

5.  Decided I wasn't meant to be raw vegan.

6.  One of my big brothers is getting married in April. I like my soon to be sister-in-law.

7.  I went to a Bridal shower tonight

8.  HF and I were invited to go to Cancun next year at a timeshare. We think we are going to do it.

9.  I made some carrot soup tonight. Everyone gagged on it. Even me, but I pretended like it was awesome.

10. I also made some quinoa cookies and everyone gagged on those as well except for the baby. He likes them.

11. This week a creepy guy that's been hanging out at various elementary schools in the city (the police have been monitoring his activities somewhat) attempted 3 abductions. A 4 year old girl, a 6 year old girl, and an 11 year old girl. Two of the girls got away from him without any trouble. The 6 year old, not too far from where we live, he was watching her play in her yard and her babysitter looked out and saw him picking her up and she went out and confronted him and went nuts on him yelling and such. He followed them back inside her house! Anyway, he's been arrested. This stuff freaks me out. It's everywhere, but I feel like we've had too much in our city alone with guys like this. Our daughter is in R.A.D. kids right now. I also see many kids her age walking to and from school by themselves and they take this underground pass that is dark and creepy with gang grafitti. Anyone could be down there waiting for kids. I will probably walk my daughter to school until she goes to college.

12. HF has worked on all of his days off and had additional training, R.A.D. classes, and special events. It gets to me sometimes.

13. One of my good friends took Daisy to Disney on Ice for her birthday

14. Another one of my brothers came to visit and watched the kids at night while they were sleeping so I could go out. (I had to suppress crazy laughter of sheer joy at getting out)

15. When I was coming out of the grocery store a few days ago late at night, I saw a couple walk up to our car and put something on the windshield. I though they must've hit it and they were leaving me their insurance information. It was a note that said, "Only three more days until Friday! Yeah! Have a great night." They also put a kit kat in it. I love kit kats. They didn't know me. I didn't know them. That kind gesture touched me and lifted my tired spirits.

16. We moved our two oldest children upstairs from the basement. Now our baby is happy and he sleeps better at night having them near. I do too.

17. I am busy making birthday party plans for our soon to be 7 year old. It's going to be a ballerina party. I hit the dollar store and this is what I have so far. It's going to be awesome. Faux silver platters, colorful tutus, ring pops for the favor bags, and flower garlands for hanging up in the kitchen above the food table. The dollar store is awesome sometimes!

18. This is what my bed looks like right now (photo overexposed to keep the mystery surrounding our life). And I want to shove it onto the floor and crawl into bed, but I have been doing that for weeks. And it just keeps getting bigger. I keep hoping that it will bother HF and he'll put everything away, but I don't think he even notices it.

19. Oh, if you want to buy The Princess and the Frog when it comes out next week, print off this coupon and get it $10 off. If you go to Walmart on the release day, new releases are usually $13 or $14 so with $10 0ff you will spend $5 or less! Not bad, eh? We did this for Snow White when it came out. It works!

20. The OCD in me had to have 20 things, not 19.

my dream home

It all started with innocent browsing on Architectural Digest when I just happened to stumble across my dream home. Now I want to buy a house and gut it out and redesign it, and redecorate it with Monterey furniture, and southwestern antiques. Seriously, all I've been doing the last couple of nights is looking at what homes are for sale in the cities we want to live in. I found a couple of potential homes and got really excited, but HF brought me back down from my crazed episode and reminded me that we aren't quite ready to buy our own home yet, but soon. Soon as in the next couple of years. And even then I won't be able to have Diane Keaton's home. That's okay. But I would sure like to emulate the decor.

 I go through house hungry phases. Right now is one of those phases. Mostly it has to do with my pervy next door neighbor and the fact that we live down the street from a variety of services such as the food bank, some drug houses, and many state sponsered housing complexes. That brings a lot of "excitement" to our neck of the woods. Not the kind of neighborhood you take your kid trick-or-treating in. In fact, on Halloween, our neighborhood is dead. Children are not heard or seen 'round these parts on Halloween. At night, the chidren and I are lulled to sleep by the sounds of trains and police sirens. Except now, the police sirens make me think of HF, which is kind of nice. . . I guess. Anyway, our neighborhood is one of the worst in the city, and I am dying to get out. I'm all for helping the homeless and all that, but when you are outside playing with your kids and a crazy hippie in a motorized wheelchair comes towards you at top speed, laughing maniacally and mumbling outloud something about "taking you home with him" (true story), it's just not where you want to raise a family, you know?

So these are some pictures from Diane Keaton's gorgeous home that you can see online at the Architectural Digest. I love the Spanish Colonial style. I love southwestern. I know a lot of people don't, but this is just stunning to me. In my opinion, she has achieved perfection with the design and decoration of this home. What do you think? Are you with me on this home, or do you prefer another style?

beautiful blogger award

I was given the Beautiful Blogger award by Mama's Ramblings. Thank you! The rules of this award are:

• Thank the person who nominated you for this award
• Copy the award and place it in your blog
• Link the person who nominated you for this award
• Tell us 7 interesting things about you
• Nominate 7 bloggers and link to their blogs

1.  I started taking piano lessons when I was four. As I grew older, I participated in competitions and even won a few. I got to play at Civic Arts Centers and other places not only in my county, but in Los Angeles and San Francisco. I hated it. I got a music scholarship to a music school. I hated it. I wasn't one of "those" people. I had a lot of embarrassing and clumsy moments like, dropping all my sheet music in the middle of a concert, or practicing the organ too loudly in the basement of a performance hall during a state symphonic orchestra performance and everyone heard my music coming through the floor. I was like the Phantom of the Opera. I was much happier when I changed my major and left music school. Now I play the organ for our church. I still hate performing. Sometimes I vomit. I definitely get sweaty and shaky and get the diarrhea. It's awful. I'm thankful for the ability and for the experiences I have had, but I prefer playing in the quiet of my own home for my my own enjoyment and my family's. I am not a "showy" person.

2.  I get my words mixed up a lot. When I was a freshman in college, a roommate and I would always say, "Botulism!" whenever we saw couples going at it while we were out and about or at a party. Some of these occassions, HF was with us, and finally one day he said confused, "Do you mean debauchery?" My roommate and I looked at each other with humiliated eyes. While not making eye contact with HF, I said cooly, "Yeah, that's totally what we meant. We were just being funny." I quickly jotted down in my mental notebook that botulism was an illness you can get through contaminated food and that debauchery was "scandalous activity". Anyone else have this problem of mixing up words?

3.  I used to work at Williams Sonoma in Thousand Oaks, California and got to see a few celebrities while working there. Pamela Andersen and Tommy Lee (when they were together). I helped him buy a Delonghi toaster oven. He was trying to be inconspicuous, but he can't really pull that off. Pat Benatar came in before Christmas and loaded up on Peppermint Bark.

4.  I participated in a radio dating show where guys would call in and try and win a date with the bachelorette (me). I think it was around the time the first Bachelor episode appeared. My roommates called in and "made" me do it. I was stupid enough to do it and I actually went on the date with the guy that won and it was pretty much the worst date ever. Now looking back, he could've been the next Ted Bundy! What was I thinking?

5.  I am a neat freak. Especially about my bookshelves. The books have to remain in a certain order, and they cannot be pushed in. They all have to be uniform right at the edge of the shelf. The bottom shelf is for the baby's books and I let him make a mess of it. But the rest of the shelves? Perfection. I know if a book is out of order, missing, uneven, etc. Neurotic.

6.  I went snowmobiling through Yellowstone once. I was at the end of the trail because I was an "experienced" (i had done it once before) snowmobiler and our group came to a stop right where a bison family wanted to cross the road. I was trapped, nowhere to go, and a giant buffalo was inches away from me staring me down. I was pretty nervous. I didn't want to make eye contact, and was afraid it was going to charge me, but it was so amazing to see so close. I had never been in snow until I went to college, and while I don't like living where there are 4 seasons, I did come to love winter sports such as cross country skiing, snowboarding, snowshoeing, snowmobiling not so much, but I've done it all, and it really helped pass the long winters. It also helped to make friends with locals that were doing this stuff. They were the ones with all the equipment.

7.  When I met HF it was love at first sight for both of us. I was 17 and he was just turning 19. I was visiting friends that had moved from California to Virginia. His sister was grounded for staying out all night with her boyfriend, and she was mad at HF for busting her chops. My friend and his sister were bad mouthing HF and she mentioned that she couldn't wait until he went back to school (He had just completed his first year of Art school and was home for the summer). I remember thinking how nice it was that she had a brother that watched out for her and tried to prevent her from doing stupid stuff. It seemed extraordinary for a 19 year old guy to be so protective of his sister and so good! He came home and they called to him to come into the kitchen where we were. They were saying, "You have to meet HF. Then you'll know what we're talking about." Well he came into the kitchen and we looked at each other and Barry White's "Can't Get Enough of Your Love" started to play it was over! We were in love! The gals that introduced us just looked back and forth at us in shock. That was not the outcome they were expecting. I was pretty shy so I was probably blushing and saying "hi" all breathlessly. I was only there for a week, but we wrote and called each other and visited each other over the course of the next 4-5 years. He asked me to marry him probbly a dozen times before I said yes. I was only 21 when we got engaged and I was pretty playful. I knew I wanted to marry him, but I also wanted to play a lot. It drove him crazy. Sometimes I look at him and think, "Wow! I can't believe I'm married to that guy! I was hoping I would marry him someday."

Phew! *wiping the sweat off my brow* It is hard for me to do these. And now I am going to pass it on to just one person. Hopefully the Blog Award committee won't strip me of my medals for not choosing 7. It's a newly discovered PW blog. April at The Life and Times of Our Little Family. She is nice and cheery and blogs about a multitude of things.

fighting

Recently I discovered another Police blog, Cop Mama. She's been a cop for 15 years and is also the mom to two very small boys. She blogs a little about everything and I've been enjoying reading. A few days ago I read her post, This Is How WE Fight. She posted a conversation she had with her husband via text messages that could've easily escalated into a fight and she shows how her husband used humor to defuse the situation and later when they talked they both agreed that they should use humor more often. She then asked her readers, "what tools have YOU and your spouse found to defuse an argument?"

Humor, for us, is really helpful in dissolving a potential fight. In my opinion, this has always been one of our strengths as a couple. I can think of a few specific examples:

ME: I am so angry with you right now. I really don't want to be, but it's just so easy to be sometimes.

HF: That's why it's so hard being a super hero. The moment you do something human, everyone turns on you.

He always says these sort of dumb things, but no matter how angry I am, it usually makes me crack up, or at least smile. When I laugh or smile, he usually keeps it up and smothers me with affection so we can talk in a more loving and respectful manner about the problem.

One day during dinner I was furious with HF for something (must've not been very important because I can't even remember what it was now) and I got up to get the milk out of the fridge. Behind the kids' backs I gave HF a death glare. He stopped eating, dropped his fork and said, "Oh no you di'int". He was out of his chair and chasing me in a split second. I was so surprised by this that I actually screamed and ran up the stairs laughing. I was also unsure of what he was going to do. He came after me and tackled me on our bed where we ended up kissing. I was no longer angry at him and we could talk rationally about what had caused my anger towards him.

Most recently, HF looked at me and noting my look of disappointment, he said, "You think I'm hot, don't you." I didn't say anything. He said again, "you think I'm cute, huh." I finally smiled and said, "Yes. I do." Then he added, "It's impossible for you to be mad at me right now because I'm so cute." Again, he made me laugh and shake my head at him. And he uses that one about his looks when I'm especially angry. We could be totally having it out and he'll say, "Even though you are yelling at me right now, you can't help but think how hot I look in these jeans. You are so attracted to me right now. You want me don't you." How can you stay angry and fighting with someone who randomly says something like that to you.

We've been fighting. In fact, we have had a couple of what I consider to be real doozies lately. What it comes down to is the change in HF in regards to his communication style mostly. He seems so angry all the time and there is no reasoning with him. No one likes to be told when they are wrong, etc. That causes one to become defensive. We've been told that this is normal for every cop early on and that it goes away with time. I tend to believe more along the line that it's still a decision that you make to be angry and it won't go away with time unless you deal with it appropriately. I'm not very sympathetic to the whole "I'm acting this way because of . . . " stuff. If you know how to act and what's appropriate, then you just do it! I understand that he is going to change, but no matter how much reading I do about how becoming a cop affects your loved one, I expect him to communicate with me in a better way and sit down with me so we can both talk about it. I also know that I can't make him do what I want him to do. He knows what's right and he's an adult. I know he has the tools, and I know he knows what I expect. I know he wants the same thing as I do. It's the same for me as well when I am struggling and need to change.

While I'm not worried and hopeless about our relationship, I am impatient and frustrated with the slowness of change. After a day of fighting, sometimes I think how can I make this right. How can I make things better. How can I nurture love and forgiveness in our relationship. I suspect he's asking himself the same things. We both end up texting each other apologies and hugging it out when he comes home. Or sometimes it's not until we're in bed and the silence is too much for us to bear and we end up inching towards one another until our feet are tangled up together. It doesn't solve the problems. It doesn't make all the anger and hurt go away, but we love each other and neither of us like how it feels when there is tension between us.

I guess what bothers me the most is that HF has always been a lover not a fighter. That is something that drew me to him early on. He is very forgiving and I am not that way. I am a fighter and don't want to forgive so easily. Lately I have realized how much I have relied on this strength of his. I have always seen him as a very Christ-like person, which is how I would like to be. I also realized that it's always HF and not me that uses humor when angry. He's the one that makes things better when we are fighting. That's why his suddenly being a fighter instead of a lover has got us all in disarray. I expect him to be the one to make it better. I've never known him to turn the tables on me.

I'm not writing this as a plea for help or for advice. I'm just putting it out there more as a conversation starter because I think we all have our times of disconnect in our relationships. I think that certain professions such as being a police officer adds strain at various times throughout the relationship as well. We are still adjusting to this lifestyle. HF is still adjusting to his job and the responsibility that that entails. I guess what I'm saying is we are all going to fight in one way or another and how we fight affects the path that we will travel in our relationships. Without humor making an appearance in our fights, I don't know how we would forgive one another and move on stronger and wiser as we grow old together. Granted it doesn't always work, but it really does most of the time.

What are your stories? How do you keep a fight from escalating?

In my best Linda Richman accent (Mike Meyers in SNL's Coffee Talk), "I'm all verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves!"

P.S. Today is one of HF's days off. He spent it not being able to get out of bed and then going with his partner to another officer's house to go through all his Vietnam era junk that his wife was making him get rid of and brought home a bunch of new crap which I asked him if he knew where he was going to keep it. He said he would find a place and that I wouldn't even see it. I told him it better be a room of requirement (Harry Potter reference). Then after making dinner for three screaming children and dealing with them all day on my own and getting them to bed, he puts in an episode of the Backyardigans because he has "one of their songs stuck in his head and this is the only way to get it out". Talk about making me angry! :)

getting too old to party all night

It happened last night. I turned 30. And I'm still alive. Or as many friends have said to me this week, "thirty, flirty, and thriving!" (13 going on 30 movie reference). For your information, HF has done a really lousy job at celebrating my birthdays over the years, and finally this year I warned him that something really bad would happen to him if he didn't make my 30th special. I haven't been especially excited about turning 30.

This year, all the stars were aligned and my birthday fell on one of his days off. Every day during the week, there would be a knock on our door and there would be a package from him. We aren't spenders, and I don't like money being spent on me, but it was such a nice surprise to get a little something from him each day. I had not expected it at all.He was certain that he would have to be gone on my birthday, so he was giving me a week long bithday.

Last night we got dressed up in our fanciest and he took me to a very fancy 5 star restaurant. Unfortunately, I got pretty sick afterwards. I guess I'm not used to eating that way, or there was something bad, or I'm not sure, but I felt pretty sick to my stomach afterwards. I have never eaten at such a fancy place. Someone came and put the napkins across our laps and they placed a teensy ball of sorbet in front of us to cleanse out palate. The starter salad was probably the best part of the whole meal. It was mixed greens with freshly grated parmesan and thyme on top. It was heavenly. I chose a very basic meal of herb roasted chicken, buttermilk mashed potatoes, and vegetables. I'm pretty sure it was the gravy that made me sick.

After dinner we did some shopping and then he took me to see Sherlock Holmes. I really enjoyed this movie.
And the gifts don't end there. I got to sleep in today until I wanted. I got up at noon because I was meeting friends for lunch. It just about killed me staying out until 1 a.m. First sign of aging? The inability to stay up late?

Anyway, I think I like 30.

in honor of our 7th wedding anniversary

These are some annoying things I do that HF has put up with for 7 years:

• I eat all the peanut butter ribbon out of the Peanut Butter Cup ice cream.
  
• I lay diagonally across the bed when I sleep.
• I booby trap the cupboards and the fridge so that when he opens them, all the food or dishes fall out. Sometimes I do it on purpose.
  
• I talk not only during previews in the theater, but during the movie as well (I only do this to HF, not when I'm out with friends).
• I ask questions and talk during the news or a tv show just as the newscaster or show answers whatever it is I'm asking HF-SO annoying, I know!
• I never put a trash bag liner in the trash can after taking the trash out.
• When we are shopping and I decide I don't want something I ditch it wherever we are (He personally sees to it that items are put back in their place. He's also never ditched a shopping cart in a parking lot. He takes it without fail to the cart corral. I always dare him not to do it)
• I wait until it's late and he's very tired and almost asleep to have meaningful conversations.
• I never fold or iron our laundry. I just kind of shove it all in the drawers.
• I check on the kids like a billion times in the middle of the night.
• When I'm having trouble making a decision between 2 items, I tell HF to make the decision for me. Then I choose the opposite of what he says.
• Just like a guy roommate, if he leaves a treat or something uneaten longer than a day, I eat it. (I was raised with 4 older brothers- they taught me this)
• If he has something that I like, it usually ends up being mine, like a t-shirt for example.
• I never fill up the Brita Filter
  

Here's what HF does that drives me crazy:

• always leaves the main floor bathroom light on without fail
• has a bunch of razors out at once, using them all. why don't you just use one until you can't use it anymore?
  
• takes the sheets and the comforter off of me while he is sleeping and wrestles and thrashes around and they either end up perfectly covering him or on the floor. I usually wake up freezing in the fetal position
• He points the shower head facing OUT of the shower!
• he hangs his baseball caps up on any decorative hook in the house when it's meant for a painting or some other decoration
• When he gets home in the morning he puts his clothes in a pile underneath the night stand next to the bed and tells me they are clean. I try and ignore it, but a few days later there is an even bigger pile of clothes that are "clean" that he has no intention of wearing twice.
• When he walks in, he leaves all of his "stuff" on top of the entertainment center which is somewhat near our door. It's like his personal dresser top. Then when he can't find anything, he asks me where it is. Sometimes I hate it that I know where it is.
  
• He puts all of the empty containers from his lunches in the trunk of his car. He only brings them in when I've run out of containers. The worst part is having to open them after they've been sitting forever and are covered in mold.
  
• He drives like an old man! He is overly careful. I appreciate that he is so careful and values the life of his passengers, but I really don't want to grow old while we run errands.
  

What's funny, is that these things have gone from annoying, to not a big deal anymore for the most part. As I have been helping to care for him so much this last year, it made these things become sort of endearing and truly, sarcasm aside, I would miss if he were gone. He has been gone so much that any 'sign' of him made me smile or brought me comfort. I realized that he never once has complained about the things I do that might annoy him. I also realized how much he needs me. We're in a good place right now. Learning through life and experience.

I was talking to my sister about this and she said that her husband puts all of his socks in a small garbage can. He doesn't match them together, he just puts them all in there and then fishes through it to find 2 matching socks whenever he gets dressed. He also hangs up his dirty clothes in his closet, but drapes his clean clothes all over their room! On the bed, on chairs, etc. WEIRD.

What are some "annoying" things you and/or your spouse do that you think you might miss if they were gone?

the other man

This is the reason I don't get any sleep:

5 months old

I know this has the potential to spark major parental debate with attachment parenting advocates, but whether you are for or against it, our 2 older children were sleep-trained, and it was awesome. By the time they were 6 weeks old they were sleeping through the night. But this little guy is another story. Not only am I answering every little cry, I am also co-sleeping, which is something I swore I would never do. I know why I'm doing it too. He has replaced HF. He is now my little buddy. I'm super lonely at night, and when I hear a little cry coming from upstairs, who am I kidding? I'm going to go and get him and hold him because I am desperate for company. When HF is home the two nights that he is, he says, "I can't share the bed with you guys anymore". But since Beau is my best friend now, what's a girl supposed to do? Yeah. It's a major dilemma. I told him that when he's done with the academy that I will let Beau sleep in his own bed. But right now we need each other.

Oh, and I'm majorly insulted! HF said this morning that he thinks that Beau looks like Horatio from CSI Miami. Have you seen this guy act? For some reason, he really, really irritates me. I think I've only seen the show a couple of times, but does it seem odd to anyone else that the Crime Scene Investigators also have the authority to not only investigate crime scenes, but do security sweeps, serve warrants, carry guns, arrest people, etc. etc.? Anyway, it just bugs me. And he's so cheesy! Do you know anyone that acts that way? Facing a different direction when talking to you with their head cocked towards you? And have you noticed that the crime scene investigators are also dressed to the nines? I guess it's just another Cop fantasy show. Maybe it really is realistic!? But who am I to pass any judgment? I grew up watching all the cheesy, yet awesome, 70s and 80s cop shows. And I'm guessing that HF just said it because he knew it would get a reaction. What do you think? Is he a mini Horatio?

family

My grandmother passed away last week and I went out of state to attend her funeral. Honestly, it wasn't very sad. There was a lot of nostalgia. My grandpa died 22 years ago of Lou Gehrig's disease, and she's wanted to join him ever since. I haven't been to her home and the homes of my relatives that live in this little rural farm town since I was probably 10 years old, so it was fun to be flooded with memories of running around the farms as a little girl. I'm once again reminded of my rich family heritage. I forget. I always assume that I'm just a gal born and raised in California and that's pretty much it, but both parents are from 2 separate states, born and raised on farms themselves, and they are the only ones that left. We visited their families at least once a year every year, but once I got to be a teenager, that pretty much ended for some reason. Busy lives I guess.

Anyway, that's where I've been. Now I'm home, but my sister that lives in Denver has been visiting, and my brother Dan the Policeman has been visiting with his wife from California. I love when family visits. We are all in different states throughout the US and I miss them terribly. I am definitely one of those people that can live near family and thrive. I actually have this fantasy that my parents, my brothers and sisters, and I, will buy property in Montana or Oregon and build our own homes on the property, plant our own food, etc. etc. They've always laughed at my idea, probably because I'm the youngest and youngests always get laughed at, but with the current economic crisis, they have mentioned that maybe there is something to my idea.

To me, that's what this life is all about. Family. I miss 'em. And my heart longs to go back to the country. Back to my roots. Even if California is all I've ever really known, my parents did a good job of keeping us connected to our past.

When Hot Fuzz and I disagree. . .

It usually has something to do with this:

boxer puppy

bassett hound puppy

HF wants a boxer and I want a basset hound. It probably has something to do with the fact that a boxer (Lady) was his childhood dog, and a basset hound (Flash-yes, just like the basset on Dukes of Hazard) was my mine. After researching online, they are both good dogs to have around children. The boxer is more distrusting of strangers which is good. Basset hounds shed a lot and I won't tolerate that inside my house, but they are so much cuter than boxers in my opinion. I think I will do a pros and cons list.

It also seems that more and more pets are being given away or abandoned because of the economy. People can't afford to take care of their animals anymore. But after feeding our 3 year old, Luke, I figure what's another mouth to feed? This kid eats us out of house and home everyday. But yes, being able to care for another family member is something to consider.

Another thing I need to remember is that I was raised country and our pets just roamed our property. They didn't come in the house, we didn't really bathe them that often, they got a lot of their food from "hunting" in the orchards. It was very low maintenance. Given my personality now, and the fact that we live in the city, and the fact that we iz poor, would I be able to have them cleaned and groomed regularly, and I don't want animal hair in the house. I think we'll think about this some more.

But knowing me, I will go for the boxer to please HF, and he'll go for the basset to please me.

just some thoughts on our busy life right now

Poor Hot Fuzz. He was so beat up last night when he got home. He said that they did one hour of PT and 3 hours of ground fighting. He said he definitely prefers doing the Arrest control and Defensive Tactics over ground fighting. During those three hours he was smashed, grabbed, rolled, and kicked in the crotch. It's so sad seeing him like this. Instead of coming home and being able to rest, he has to go straight to working graves. When he gets home he goes to bed and wakes up 7-8 hours later and does it all over again. I really feel for him. But he's lost some inches and his muscles are bigger. He looks good, except for the dark circles under his eyes. When we do get to see him, he's great about playing with the kids. He's been showing our 6 year old, Daisy, some Aikido moves that she can use if she's in stranger danger. A few days ago I heard her in the living room playing with Luke, saying things like, "Good job Luke!". When I asked her what she was doing, she said she was practicing her "taquito" moves and teaching Luke taquito as well. So cute. Now she stutters when saying Aikido because she's trying so hard not to say taquito.

On my end, I feel like a single mom except I'm not also working outside the home. I really have to give kudos to single parents out there that are working and caring for their children simultaneously. It wouldn't be so hard if there wasn't a tiny 3 month old in the picture because I'm up so much in the night with him, and not able to nap during the day when caring for Daisy and Luke, who no longer nap. Some days are great and I feel on top of things. I get HF's uniforms washed and dried, meals planned, there aren't any major messes, but after a few nights of being sleep-deprived, I feel a bit more like this during the day:

Jack Nicholson in the Shining incase you weren't sure.

It also might have something to do with all the snow everywhere too. I'm a born and raised California girl and I don't know what to do in this weather, even after 8 years of living here! So I basically hybernate until Spring, thus the Shining.

This is a typical day for me.

7 am-feed the baby
7:30-run on treadmill, HF gives kids breakfast
8 am- shower, get ready for day, HF takes Daisy to school
8:30-HF goes to bed
9 am-I play with Luke, do a load of laundry
10 - more laundry, cleanup kitchen, feed baby
11- pick up Daisy from school
11:30-lunchtime
12 pm-errands/activities with the kids
1 pm-time to feed baby again
2 pm- more cleaning/office work for me while kids play
3 pm-get HF's food for the day ready
4 pm- make dinner/feed baby/feed kids/HF gets up
5 pm- bath time for kids
6 pm- story time/play time/cuddle time/getting clothes out for next day
7 pm- bed time for Luke/feed baby/homework and reading with Daisy
8 pm- all kids in bed/ free time for me

I have all these projects once the kids are in bed, but I usually take a few minutes to enjoy being kidless by watching a show on tv or getting online, then I make dinner for me and Hot Fuzz before he has to leave for work. Then I feed the baby again around 11 pm and then wake up sitting up or slumped over and shuffle off to bed just to get up a few times through the night.

TIRED. But we're doing pretty good. We've had lots of visits from friends and family lately. And we've even been able to get a babysitter and go out on Saturday nights when HF is home! I'd say we're pretty lucky despite it all. Now if I could only get to the dentist, the hair salon, and the optometrist. And it would be nice to buy some clothes that are not maternity clothes. I'm not willing to take all 3 kids to these places.

True Love Is A Surfire 6P Weapon Light

*this is a post from Hot Fuzz that was on our old blog before becoming anonymous. I thought it seemed appropriate.

I wanted to get Mrs. Fuzz something special this past Christmas. I decided that since she's always concerned about her safety I should employ my special expertise and get her the perfect non lethal weapon. I thought about OC spray but that's just so commonplace now and some people are actually quite resistant to it. I thought about a TASER (Thomas A. Swift's Electric Rifle), but you never want to buy your spouse a weapon you think he or she might use on you as a joke, so I decided against the TASER. Then I remembered the weapon light. Simple, elegant, and blinding. The surefire 6P weapon light is just powerful enough to blind your opponent, giving you enough time to flee or inflict further damage. Hunters swear by these things when it comes to bear encounters too. So I thought, why not? It's not intimidating enough to the user that he or she will be too scared to use it; but it's effective enough to give the carrier confidence in its ability to protect them from danger. To my surprise this gift was very well received. Now if I could only get her to carry it with her when she goes out at night. You can read some funny true stories about Surefire weapon lights here.

*I actually never get the chance to use it because HF always borrows it because he "needs it for something". I do keep it on my nightstand though. Probably not as useful as keeping it in my purse when I'm out and about at night though, right? Does anyone else's husbands think of "toys" you might need?

reality setting in. . .

Everything's just fine and dandy and then I read this, and I'm thinking, "OMG!" And then I read this, and I'm really thinking, "OMG!", and then HF tells me that one of the officers in the department he dispatches for had a recent incident where a kid that was kicked out of the academy shows up at his home with a gun while he's outside with his wife and kids. He was mad and wanted to have a suicide by cop. Nothing came of it luckily, but all of this has got me thinking.

1. You never know if someone has a bone to pick with your husband and how far they are willing to take it.

2. How can you be completely prepared for any given situation without being paranoid and crazy, which I already have a natural tendency for. I already have an active imagination as it is. I can't do laundry in our basement without imagining that a 6 ft. rat is waiting for me, ready to pounce on me and eat my face off. I don't want to think that every time I open my door that someone is waiting to "get even" with HF, you know?

3. Should I get a concealed weapons permit?

4. Is there some kind of guidebook for families of a LEO?!

My husband has been talking about setting up code words or sentences. I guess if we are prepared then we don't need to worry. Right?!

Do any of you wives have gun permits? Or take self-defense classes? I always thought that having a cop car parked in front of your house was an added measure of protection, sending out a silent warning to would be "bad guys", but obviously that's not always the case.

I'm kind of freaking out right now! Obviously everything is heightened in my mind and in my heart because this is where my life is headed and I am thinking of HF and paying attention to every single "scary" story I hear. I guess this is partly why I am blogging. Getting it all out. Looking for others in Law enforcement and the like.