Police Promotion Party

HF's Sergeant party was this past weekend. For decorations I set up the food table with the following: 

Pearl Black and Dark Blue balloons. I was going to make a garland or an arch with them but decided that just a row across the top would suffice. Black foil fringe backdrop, crime scene kit (includes crime scene tape, crime scene markers, and chalk) and thin blue line flag are from Amazon. Table cloth and congrats balloons are from Walmart. The chalk was to make a body outline on our driveway pointing to the front door. If kids are coming and you want to make it less scary, draw a smiley face on the chalk outline and have hand outline pointing to the front door or party entrance. I got blue and black plates and napkins, cups, and gold utensils from Walmart. 

Possibly my favorite decoration: I printed out a picture of "CHiPs" tv show for our bowl of chips. I used the crime scene markers to mark the different foods on the table. The food we served were pigs in a blanket (we just grilled hot dogs and brats) with a variety of toppings and buns, assorted fruit, a veggie platter, chips, Popcorn aka Cop Corn, and a cooler of drinks labeled "Cop Pop". Some other fun food ideas I saw online were Miranda "rice" krispies, and thumbprint cookies. Some good police party food ideas and displays are found here.

I ordered 3 dozen donuts from a local donut shop. Ask your donut shop if they will do a special order! They could do a shield shape with yellow icing, thin blue line, etc. It's worth finding out. They got my order wrong. It was kind of a fiasco, but donuts are donuts and we ended up with these and I was okay with it. For one, the thin blue line was supposed to be on chocolate donuts instead of white icing, but oh well! The "Stop Resisting, Take a Donut" sign is from Etsy. 

This bucket was labeled "seized goods" and it held the prizes for our Bingo game. 

I printed off the evidence labels and affixed them to these little mini paper bags. They were filled with caramel and cheese popcorn.

I made a police bingo game by using this website

Guess the Cop game I made when HF graduated the academy. You can make your own or I made mine available here.

Pin the mustache on the cop! My daughter drew this police officer and we used sticky mustaches for all the players. I think there may have been some peeking. No one sticks it on that perfectly. We also had some outdoor games set up like Bocce, Cornhole, and a mini shooting range (nerf and airsoft). 

It was kind of like a giant kid's birthday party but for grownups and it was so much fun. I can't wait to have another reason to throw a police themed party again.

HF got his stripes

HAPPY NEWS. Last week in front of his peers, HF was promoted to Sergeant. I was thrilled to be able to pin on his shiny new badge. It was a wonderful evening as he was recognized for all his efforts and hard work over the years that led to this moment. We've been a little busy the last while adjusting to the new assignment and schedule. He is back on graves, unfortunately, but at this point I can do any shift. I am an expert at shifts. I mean, once you've done all the shifts, it just doesn't matter anymore which one he's on. They all suck. Am I right? 😉

I've been calling him Sexy Sarge, and other Sergeant nicknames galore, and we are generally, all in all, very happy with this promotion. Two things. The difference in pay, which we were in need of desperately. And recognition. It's a little difficult for HF to take all the attention. On the one hand, I think like most cops, they don't want the recognition. He's a pretty humble guy and doesn't like to toot his own horn. On the other hand, police receive such little praise and attention, that it is a very satisfying and an emotional experience to FINALLY hear the things that you need to hear, mostly from your peers and superiors. Kind of a funny juxtaposition. Now he's a little police daddy to his own crew at night and I know he will do well. He is respected and looked up to. And a lot of fun too! Or so I've been told...

I am in full party mode. Whether he likes it or not, we are having a party this weekend with friends and family to celebrate him. He will wake up, partay, and then head off to his grave shift. I will post pictures of our party because it will be awesome. As soon as he gave me the go ahead to throw a party, BAM. This place was decorated the very next day. I can't wait to celebrate this guy with the people we love most. And thank you to Pinterest for all the amazing police party ideas. Oh, you know there will be donuts and police bingo at LEAST. 👮😜

things kids of cops do

HF got a package of gear from a buddy today. He opened it and went through it with our boys. Later he went to work. When he came home, this sticky note from Beau was waiting for him on a gear item he obviously took a liking to: "To Dad, Can I have this or is it for SWAT, or Police". We thought this was the most adorable thing ever. He's probably got a Nerf gun use for it in mind. #tacticalkids #copkids #blackhawk

Thank a Police Officer Day 2019

This Saturday, the 21st of September, is National Thank a Police Officer Day. I hosted a group of friends to prepare for this day. This is what we did: Police Officer Appreciation Bags from Smashed Peas and Carrots. We made 100 or so bags and filled them with candy and attached the thank you note just like the one listed in the picture below. On Saturday, I will have the kids deliver them to HF's department to thank them personally. It's a small gesture of our thanks, but this is what we chose to do this year. For refreshments while we filled the bags, we served donuts and hot chocolate. I printed the cute "Stop Resisting, Take a Donut sign from this etsy shop, Always Yesterday. I also made a donut peg board for serving the donuts. It was a lot of fun for a ladies night out and we can't wait to deliver these to our local LEOs this weekend. There are tons of ideas on Pinterest on how to show appreciation to police. What are you planning on doing this year for Thank a Police Officer Day? Let me know!

fuzz finds

Police Welcome Home Doormat

I would love to have this in our garage entry 💙

Knock Hard Doormat

Haha I love a funny doormat! 

Wall Mounted Duty Gear Rack

I have only seen floor stand ones. I like the idea of it being wall mounted, a little more out of reach

 Dibs on the Man in Uniform t-shirt

This would be fun to wear to a police event like a charity run, a parade, Guns n' Hoses, etc.

Police Wife Sublimation Transfer

I love this! It would be so cute on a t-shirt or a tote bag (or even a tattoo! 😉) It's like a police version of Rosie the Riveter. Awesome.

Going Public?

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I'm considering going public. When I say public, I mean posting a real picture of my face and using my real first name. Gasp! When I started A Police Wife back in 2008, I decided that it was best to maintain our privacy considering HF's line of work. Fast forward a decade, and I see so many blogs and websites of LEOs and LEOWs that are not private or anonymous. Pictures, names, places, just out there!

HF is not a fan of having his identity revealed for a number of reasons. There's political blowback, safety, privacy, possibility of losing his job, the sensitive nature of his job, safety of family, etc. Those are very real concerns and if they are his concerns they should be mine. But what is the harm of just having a picture of my face and my first name? I wouldn't be saying where I live, or what department HF works for. That shouldn't be a big deal, right? Unless someone recognizes me and finds something I've blogged about to be controversial to HF's department and then his job could be in jeopardy? I honestly don't see that happening, but that is the way my husband thinks and operates.

What if he is being interviewed by a news station, his picture is in the news for a charity event, or is filmed during a swat mission? That has happened and he's not happy about it. I have asked since it was made public, if I could post it to my personal facebook or instagram because I'm so proud of him. The answer is always no. It's tough sometimes. You are proud of what he does and you want the world to know. But at what cost?

Tell me. Why stay anonymous? Should I? If you are anonymous, what are your reasons? If you choose to be public, or public to a certain extent, what are your reasons? What are the benefits or consequences to putting yourself out there? I would love to hear everyone's thoughts on this. Also, HF's department has a policy from his department to not appear in uniform on social media, post about the PD or the job. He is highly discouraged from using social media. Is it different if it's just my image and words? What are your departments' policies? Do they have one? 

On September 11, 2001, I was a 20 year old college student sleeping through my first morning class. My roommate's boyfriend called and woke us up. We thought he was joking about terrorist attacks. We got up anyway and turned the tv on. The rest of the day was a blur. Classes were canceled, friends and families gathered. I would find out later that a friend's father was on one of the planes that left Boston. He was flying out to California for her wedding. I remember thinking that since I wasn't in NYC, I wouldn't be affected "as much" as those who were in NYC. That I was safe on the other side of the country. How young and naive I was. We are all connected. We all are a part of this event 18 years ago, whether you knew anyone personally that lost their life that day or not. Today I am going to talk to my kids, show them videos, and teach them to treat other people with kindness and respect. Politics and problems aside, I want them to love their country and their brothers and sisters we share this nation with.

Blue H.E.L.P.

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. I mentioned a few days ago that HF has dealt with his share of suicides on and off the job. Is it possible nowadays that just about every single person knows someone who has attempted or committed suicide? It breaks my heart to even think about it. I know today isn't just about law enforcement suicide prevention or awareness, but that is where my focus is. In 2019 to date, there have been 143 law enforcement suicides. I have seen first hand the effects of suicide on my husband. Would there be less law enforcement suicides if there was less of a stigma surrounding mental health? Sometimes it is our brothers and sisters that need help and care and not just those in the communities in which they serve.

One of my favorite finds has been Blue H.E.L.P. On their website they state that "It is the mission of Blue H.E.L.P. to reduce mental health stigma through education, advocate for benefits for those suffering from post-traumatic stress, acknowledge the service and sacrifice of law enforcement officers we lost to suicide, assist officers in their search for healing, and to bring awareness to suicide and mental health issues." You can read more about what they do and what they are all about on their website, but I also wanted to mention the confidential help hotlines and resources they have listed on their website.

There is help. There is hope. I 💙 my family in blue.

swat callouts: ruining plans since 2010

SWAT. Getting callouts since 2010 that routinely interrupt things. Things like concerts, dinner, dates, SEX, you name it. I'm telling you, if you make plans, or even if you are spontaneous, you are almost guaranteed an interrupting text or phone call which is work related. In HF's case, a SWAT callout.

Recently, we went to a rock concert an hour away. We bought tickets 6 months previous to the concert night. While enjoying ourselves at the concert, HF received a swat callout. He responded and of course they were okay with him not coming given how far out we were, but it kind of ruined the rest of the evening. I know not everyone is like this, but HF's mind (and heart) was with his brothers the rest of the evening until he knew it was resolved. I understand, but it is kind of frustrating.

Sometimes I feel like Mr. Incredible in the video clip above. "No matter how many times you save the world, it always manages to get back in jeopardy again. Sometimes I just want it to stay saved! You know, for a little bit? I feel like the maid; I just cleaned up this mess! Can we keep it clean for... for ten minutes!"

I've talked to so many other wives and girlfriends that say the same thing about the interruption. If you have plans you can expect a callout. We've been heading out the door to meet friends when he's gotten a call. It does not seem to matter. I'm laughing about it right now, but it definitely is a buzzkill at times! But just like the other wives and girlfriends I associate with, we support our guys and understand that it's part of the job. We get mad and complain about it of course, but in the end, we move forward with other plans. We think of them while they are gone (worry a bit maybe in the back of our minds), hope they are being looked out for and safe. And we love the sound of the garage opening signifying that once again, they've made it home. 💙

woop! woop! That's the Sound of da Police

I was  I I😂I  I saw this online and it cracked me up. I love a good vintage meme. Police related? Even better. Incase you don't know, it's referencing that song by KRS-One "sound of da police". Not a pro police song obviously, but are there any? 🤔 Let me know if you know of any because I would love to know! A good police playlist would come in handy for a promotion or retirement party! Leave your police playlist song ideas in the comments! 

LEO Gift Guide: Coffee Mugs

We are looking for a coffee mug cubby to hang up on the wall in our kitchen. So far I am loving this one from etsy that I found, but with maybe enough slots for 12 mugs. We have a few mugs that we love from places we've been, or that have been father's day gifts, etc. I have been on the lookout for some funny LEO related mugs. Here are a few I've found online that I am mulling over getting for HF. Which is your favorite?

 Trust Me I'm A Cop from Amazon

 Thin Blue Line Flag from Amazon

 Gun Mug from here

 I heart Swat mug 

 This might be my fave: I like Big Busts 

 Nacho Average Cop Mug

Poe Poe Mug

World's Okayest PO Mug

Eat Sleep SWAT repeat Mug

things kids of cops do

Gun layouts.

Beau: Mom, will you take a picture of some of my guns?

Me: Why?

Beau: Cuz it looks cool!

#ilearneditfromwatchingyoudad

Sparkie

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We were driving in HF's police car and I opened a letter from our daughter, which happened to contain A LOT of glitter. Before I realized what I was doing, I instinctively blew it out of the card and GLITTER BOMBED HF's car. Yes, yes I did. I knew I'd made a mistake as soon as I blew and I felt terrible, but I can't. stop. laughing. HF? Not so much. You should've seen his face. I have a feeling he will find magical sparkly dust for months to come. We vacuumed as well as we could, but who knows what will happen when he turns on the A/C. . . Any clever new nicknames for the detective or his car? I was thinking Glitter Cop, Detective Sparkle, or Sparkie, for short. 😂

apology cakes

I was feeling like Deb the Downer when HF got home from work. I kept my thoughts to myself, but I was grouchy because it'd been FOREVER since we'd seen him (you know how shift work is and extra jobs). I didn't want to talk about it because it would just start an argument and make us both grumpy. And there's nothing I can do about his schedule. He started to tell me about an extra job he got invited to do the next morning during his day off. I clenched my jaw and rolled my eyes inwardly. Wanted to scream. Then he said, "I told him no. I said I haven't seen you or my kids in weeks and I needed to see you guys." I was so shocked touched by his thoughtfulness that my eyes unexpectedly filled up with tears.

Our crazy schedule makes feel like I am a big fat ZERO on his priority list, but in reality, I'm always on his mind. The kids are always on his mind. That's why he works as hard as he does. So I apologized for being a crabby patty and thought about making him an apology cake. What would your apology cake say? Here are some that mine might say:

SORRY FOR BEING A GROUCHY MCGROUCHERSON.

SORRY FOR EATING YOUR CANDY BAR.

SORRY FOR ALL THE CRUMBS IN BED.

SORRY FOR WRECKING THE CAR.

SORRY FOR ELBOWING YOU IN THE FACE IN BED.

Here are some great ones I found online:

Anyone else get mouthy during Mario Kart? No? Just me?  

This one is from a cop to a firefighter in Ohio! 

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Fuzz Funnies: The 12 Commandments

image source: getty images

Did you know that there are actually 12 commandments instead of 10? We were asking the kids if they knew what the 10 commandments were and our 10 year old thought about it and said, "Thou shalt not go to McDonald's", and "Thou shalt not bear false witness at a crime scene". Well, he's not entirely wrong..😂  

First Self Blame

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HF has had his share of complaints against him, mostly informal, but what came unexpectedly was his first self-blame. Early into the job, he had dealt with an unprecedented amount of suicides. He handled each case very well and effectively. He has dealt with suicide at an extremely personal level, as two of his family members have attempted suicide in the past and he intervened, saving their lives. Ten years into the job, like most cops, he has seen his share of tragedy and garbage, and while I believe he does his job well, that stuff starts to take a toll on you in different ways. Some cases hit too close to home. Some cases you take personally. Some cases are hard to let go.

Recently, at the suggestion of his lieutenant, he went to see a counselor regarding a recent case of his. When he told me the story of what had happened previously, it sounded like many of the other cases he has dealt with. Why did this one deliver such a blow to him emotionally? I am finding that cops, in general, compartmentalize, or put things in mental boxes. They have a reputation for being numb emotionally and detached for a reason. Sometimes there isn't any more room in these boxes and things come spilling out. That's why I think it is so important that cops have someone that they talk to professionally. Therapists can help you process it all.

It broke my heart to see HF struggling emotionally with this case and at the same time I was thanking my lucky stars that there was someone in place for him to see if he needs to. But there's also a risk with that. Why the stigma? Why is there shame associated with needing help? It isn't just in their profession, however, there seems to be some judgment, at least in the past, regarding cops and therapy. There has been a lot of attention as of late to this very issue. There have been one too many cop suicides. Whether it's job related, or more personal, was there help for these officers, or are they from a department that maybe isn't supportive of their officers getting the help they need? I hate to say it, but I have seen this. Even though it isn't said, it is widely looked down at certain departments, or a sign of weakness, if an officer needs help. Is that a fair assessment? They're supposed to be the ones helping, not the ones in need of help.

In the last few years, I've been very happy to see support for cops and their mental well-being. One of these in particular is:  Copline (1-800-COPLINE) There are others out there and of course national suicide prevention hotline, but I like that this hotline is answered by retired officers and that it is anonymous. Any information or opinions you have on this subject, I would love to hear about in the comments! Should spouses being going too? Together? Alone? What are your thoughts? I personally find it very helpful to talk to someone about HF's job that understands and can help me navigate. Some other police wives I've talked to recommend going to the same therapist, both separate and together. These are tough times for our LEOs and their families. We're in this together! 💙

Cool product alert

I have had this saved to my Pinterest board for some time now. I recently showed HF to see if it was something he would like/use. He LOVED it. This was shocking to me because he is so picky and we hardly like the same things. Anyway, it is called a Valet Dock Pro. It is made by Clearwater Stag Works. There are other styles out there, but this one is our favorite. Something functional that would organize his stuff on the nightstand and it looks nice too. This would be an awesome Christmas or Father's Day gift. On their website they have a 10% discount for law enforcement or military. What do you guys use to organize your stuff?

Police life = the poor life?

I saw this online the other day and not only did it make me laugh, but I thought, "F'reals tho!" How many times have you been driving down the road and you see an entertainment center, a sofa, anything at all with a FREE sign on it, and you really do slow down and do a double take?! I admit, I've done that more than a few times. Not only because it's a hobby to repurpose and update furniture, but because we don't have the money for all of the things! 

If one things is true it is this: Police do not get into policing for the money. I repeat: They don't do it for the money! Many police officers have side hustles, cover shifts, do overtime, special events, etc. to make ends meet. If they are married, their spouse 99.9% of the time is working as well so that they can afford to get by, especially if kids are in the picture. It's just a fact. Money is always a conversation. Always a stress. Always something that requires a lot of maneuvering. 

So why choose to be a police officer? Good question. It varies between one officer and the next. For HF, he was a little older when he decided to become a cop. Late twenties. We got married young and started our family. We finished our degrees with little kids in tow and worked at the same time. When we finished school and were making decisions about our future, law enforcement had always been one of his interests. Now that we are a decade into this profession, it's complicated. I can't speak for other LEOs and their families, but for us, we talk often about if he should keep doing what he's doing. Many things go under consideration: Money (notice I said money first), safety, physical health, mental health, climbing the ranks, office politics, city politics, and much more. 

I think in this day and age, for not just financial reasons, a lot of cops are getting out before retirement. We've seen this among our brothers and sisters here. We just don't get paid enough to be shot at, spit at, blamed, hated, etc. Sometimes it's a work related injury that forces you out. There's as many reasons as there are officers. 

What about you? Are you "poor" too? How do you make it work? 👮

let's talk about shifts, baby

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I never thought I would be saying this, but Hallelujah for the graveyard shift! Hallelujah for any shift but the cover shift. It's been a while since there's been a shift change 'round these parts, and I must say, excuse my French, the cover shift SUCKS!

Over the years I've gotten a feel for what the various shifts have to offer and I can't think of one good thing about the cover shift. It is my least favorite. HF's cover shift is from 7p to 3a, but he rarely makes it home before 5 am.  And he sleeps in the same as he would if he were on graves, waking up around 3 or 4 in the afternoon. With graves, he will be able to be with us in the evenings. This means dinner, bedtime rituals, maybe a little bit of a social life (I know, I know. In an ideal world...).

Announcement though! Coming up soon, HF will be switching to days. 4, glorious, 10-hour dayz. That means he will work SMTW with ThFS off! I have given up long ago on making plans around his work schedule, especially since days off always include meetings, SWAT callouts, training, etc. However, this shift schedule really does seem more family friendly, wouldn't you say?

For years now we have done life without my better half, and while the kids STILL ask where he is, or if he is home, or if he is going to be there, or is he coming with us, or when's dad home, etc. etc., I think we've done alright managing things without him. But I hope he feels all warm and fuzzy that he is missed and asked for even after all these years of being used to not having him.

Poll Results: Do you see a therapist?

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Do you see a therapist?

No. I don't need to 25% 

No, but I probably should 45%

Occasionally 6% 

Yes. For police related issues 2% 

Yes. For marriage counseling 7% 

Yes. For other reasons/issues 15%     

173 total votes

I put this poll up on the blog many months (years?) ago. There were only 173 participants and these are the results from their votes. I know it's only a small sampling, but I would love to see if there is a similar poll done on a larger scale. Most likely there is, since we know from many "experts" that divorce rate among LEOs is high, among other useful nuggets of information. I just haven't seen these studies and I want to. So I have to make my own for the time being. Basically, almost half of you that participated in this poll said they do not see a therapist but they probably should.