two years on the job

This cake is crazy! HF's graduation cake. You can walk down memory lane with me here.

I have neglected my blogging duties for quite some time now haven't I. There have been a couple of milestones. HF had his 2 year anniversary of becoming a police officer. Can you believe it's been 2 years?! We also celebrated our 9 year anniversary on May 4th.

Here is some of what HF has accomplished in two years:

• He's a R.A.D. basic instructor.
• He completed our state's  Peace Officers Standards and Training Instructor Program, which enables him to become a POST certified instructor for our state.
• He became First responder, First aid, Adult-child-infant CPR certified through both the American Heart Association and the Red Cross, and went through an EMT basic program.
• He successfully completed the Department of Homeland Security's online NIMS and ICS program.
• He graduated from the Center for Domestic Preparedness' COBRA program.
• He became a member of the SWAT Team.
• He completed a Multijursidictional Counterdrug Task Force Training on Inverviews and Body Language Techniques
• He completed the Verbal Judo course
• I must also add that he is now a biker! HF recently bought a motorcycle (a Suzuki Intruder 800) and has been gallivanting across the land. I've always loved a guy on a bike. Especially one with just a t-shirt and no protection and some cool shades, but remember HF is the safety first and rule keeper guy so he is leathered up and helmeted, and as you might guess I am not allowed to ride behind him (there's even a little seat for moi!) for 6 months or until he's comfortable! I guess I should appreciate his level headedness and all, but I've got my fantasies.
• Oh, and also he's less jumpy and hyper and I guess obvious is the word I'm looking for. He is much more relaxed and confident and calm. Read: No more personal bodyguard standing with his back to me as I get in the car, eyes darting in all directions. I mean, he's always been protective, but now he is much less intense about it all.

 Now. Here is some of what I have accomplished as a police wife in the past two years:

• I don't even flinch when I drive past or am parked next to a police car.
• I'm not shocked by anything
• I don't notice every little thing that HF is doing that is new to me or unusual. If I do notice it, I don't care.
• I still consider myself a rookie police wife because there is much to be seen or learned or dealt with.
• I can now roll with the punches. I still hate graves, but I can adjust to any schedule that HF finds himself on with finesse. I like that word finesse.
• I can sing Destiny Chid's Independent Woman and mean it (except he is my sugar daddy). I really have become an independent woman. I still need him and want him though. And I still need him to rescue me from our children on ocassion. . .
• I know which seat HF is going to choose to sit at when we go out, or which side to be on when we are walking so he can access his gun if needs be. This is done without much thought!
• I have learned to question later. If at all.
• I realize that even though the newness of LEO life that I blogged about so much in the beginning has worn off, it was an important process for me to go through as I learned to make sense of everything and transition into what would become our "new normal". I smile as I reflect on the early days and my inexperience and lack of full comprehension. But that beginning is so exciting and bizarre and mind opening and more, that blogging the journey helped me process that mixture of emotions (fear, excitement, pride, worry, etc.) and loneliness. I needed to know that others could relate and also tell me that it was normal (or not normal) and what to expect  in 5, 10, 20, or 30 years ahead.
• I also know that we won't ever have a steady pattern for the rest of his career even though in a way, it is a steady pattern or rhythm in way. Does this make sense?
• The importance of Dave Ramsey or other budget/debt elimination coaching

Some things I still need to work on:

• Technology. I still have a bad habit of not keeping my cell phone on or near me. This is a bad one!
• I still say things ocassionally like, "It's not a big deal!" or "Does that really matter though?" to his reasons for doing things (usually safety related).
• I need to stop reading the news! Especially the comment section where people who don't have any idea say all kinds of crazy stuff about cops.
• I need to not care or take so personally what friends/family say about cops in general.
• I still haven't taken care of that expired license thing...

Tips From Lexipol: A Rookie Review by HF

As a rookie cop I’m always looking for ways to develop new skills and improve my existing set. One night I overheard this nerdy voice playing out over my patrol sergeant’s desktop speakers in the patrol office. The voice was touting the benefits of filling up fleet vehicles at the end of your shift. The guy made sense; and since common sense seems to be in short supply wherever I go, I had to find out who he was.


It turns out he was none other than Gordan Graham. I had no idea who Gordon Graham is so I asked my sergeant. If you don’t know who Gordan Graham is, check out his biography here. That night I subscribed to Mr. Graham’s tips from the company Lexipol. Every week I get an email from Lexipol with a link to a new tip that benefits public safety personnel . These are always informative and useful reminders or new bits of information that help keep me focused on my job as a police officer. The tips are not very long and just feature a small video of Mr. Graham speaking in the corner of your browser. His insight is accurate, concise and well presented.

Mr. Graham is an expert in risk management who knows what he’s talking about, especially when it comes to law enforcement. This is the kind of guy who I want giving me tips. Check it out for yourself if you’ve never heard of him. If you have heard of him, then I’m sure this is old but good news.

Verbal Judo: A Rookie Review by HF

A couple months ago my department sent me to "Verbal Judo" training.  Verbal Judo or Tactical Communications was founded by Dr. George Thompson.  Dr. Thompson was a college professor who decided he wanted to be cop.  After some time serving as a police officer Dr. Thompson noticed that some officers were able to talk anyone into compliance while others, more often than not, ended having to go hands on.  Thompson began studying the officers who were able to generate voluntary compliance and eventually "Verbal Judo" was born. 

Today Verbal Judo is taught all over the world.  At the time I was sent to this training I had no idea how big a deal this stuff really is.  Several state POST boards have adopted Verbal Judo into their official academy curriculum and many federal agencies actively train in tactical communications.

My introduction to Verbal Judo occurred at a large hotel near the airport.  My class consisted of local, state, and federal law enforcement officials.  Almost everyone in attendance was a field officer with a few mid level managers (i.e., sergeants, etc.) interspersed throughout.  Our instructor for the entire course was Mike Manley. 

I was very skeptical about the quality of training I was about to receive when I walked into the conference room and saw one guy with a lap top and a projector standing at the front of the room.  All the tell tale signs of death by power point were present.  Our instructor stood and watched everyone intently as we all mingled with each other.  Then when it came time to start, it became apparent that we were in the presence of a master. 

Mr. Manley is a very polished professional speaker and instructor.  I looked around and it was clear that everyone was riveted on what he had to say throughout our training.  Yes it was power point, but it was dynamic power point, expertly crafted with an engaging speaker who has honed his skills in the training and presentation world.  Video clips and footage flowed very well into wonderfully timed and appropriate personal anecdotes taken from his long career as a New York City police officer.  Breaks were given regularly throughout the training and he never seemed to lose steam.  Throughout the training Mr. Manley would give bits of information about himself instead of the typical 10-30 minute introduction most speakers I've seen tend to do.  This was a nice change and worked well.  Each anecdotal story he told gave us a little more insight into who he was and kept me interested in what he had to say.

The course that I attended was a shortened course that condensed two days of material into a 9 hour block.  This was the only 9 hour power point presentation that I would gladly pay my own money to attend again.  It was that good. 

During the course of the day I learned some valuable skills that I have since implemented into my professional and personal life.  The meet and potatoes of the course are two styles of communications.  One is called the 8 step soft style and the other is called the 5 step hard style approach.  After learning about the three kinds of people in the world we learned how to communicate with them using one or both of these two styles in order to generate voluntary compliance.  Video re-enactments emphasized the main points and illustrated how these techniques can be used in every aspect of police work.  Manley frequently explained that these techniques can also be used with parenting and other personal communications. 

I went home with a new sense of empowerment.  I really felt as if I had picked up a new and valuable skill for my "tool box."  It has been several months now and I have seen a difference in my professional and personal life. 

On the professional side, I have adjusted my traffic and pedestrian stops to incorporate the two styles I mentioned above.  I have seen a huge jump in the amount of voluntary compliance I get from my "clients."  This may sound crazy but I am even being thanked by many of them after I arrest them or issue them a citation.  Who would have thought? 

On the personal side, I have found a new way to bond with my middle son Luke.  He has always been our difficult child who likes to argue and violate one of our big family rules: "Obedience The First Time, Every Time."  Since practicing my new found verbal judo skills with him, he feels like I listen to him and understand him.  He has told me this in his own way when no one else is around and has begun to follow this family rule. This training has really changed my life in a great way.

Verbal Judo takes practice.  One 9 hour course is probably the bare minimum needed to teach someone like me the basics.  From there I have found that practicing on a regular basis has helped me hone the flow of my tactical communications with suspects and the general public.

Verbal Judo is a perishable skill, just like almost every other skill we have to be proficient in.  If I get lazy and don't use it, I'll lose it.  I am always looking for new ways to improve as a police officer, I can honestly say that this is one of those skills that is helping me do that.  I have no doubt that many of the officers who are reading this are familiar with Verbal Judo.  But if you're not, you owe it to yourself professionally and personally to seek out this training and get proficient.  Tactical communications is a valuable tool that everyone should have in their tool boxes. 

life with a rookie cop

I thought I would show through the use of a bizzaro 80s music video, what life is like with a rookie cop. Obviously he's not afraid to wash his hair and he doesn't think that the people on tv can see him, but you get the general idea. Anyone else feel like they are living with Rockwell and Michael Jackson at times?

Rockwell's Somebody's Watching Me:
I'm just an average man
With an average life
I work from nine to five
Hey, hell, I pay the price
All I want is to be left alone
In my average home
But why do I always feel
Like I'm in the twilight zone

And I always feel like
Somebody's watching me
And I have no privacy
Whooooa-oh-oh
I always feel like
Somebody's watching me
Tell me, is it just a dream

When I come home at night
I bolt the door real tight
People call me on the phone
I'm trying to avoid
But can the people on TV see me
Or am I just paranoid

When I'm in the shower
I'm afraid to wash my hair
'Cause I might open my eyes
And find someone standing there
People say I'm crazy
Just a little touched
But maybe showers remind me
Of Psycho too much
That's why

I always feel like
Somebody's watching me
And I have no privacy
Whooooa, oh-oh
I always feel like
Somebody's watching me
Who's playin' tricks on me

Who's watching me
I don't know anymore
Are the neighbors watching me
Who's watching
Well, is the mailman watching me
Tell me, who's watching
And I don't feel safe anymore
Oh, what a mess
I wonder who's watching me now
Who
The IRS

I always feel like
Somebody's watching me
And I have no privacy
Whooooa, oh-oh
I always feel like
Somebody's watching me
Tell me, is it just a dream